Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

stunning presentation of your poem
good use of alliteration
vivid descriptive detail
dangle - great verb choice
good alliterative pairing in dangles and demise
thoughtful commentary
Brooke

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2014

Thanks, Brooke, stunning review as always.

Comment from Jeanie Mercer

Excellent

This is an interesting haiku about fruit, and it meets the stated criteria of the contest as to form and syllable count. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2014

Thank you, Jeanie.

Comment from Smoothiecool

Excellent

good luck in the contest

your syllable count within the contest requirement

your few words portray the image well of the apple of temptation

good visual

good interconnecting lines in one and two

good satori

good alliteration in
ripe, red

good enjambment to allow flow in sentence

cheers Smoothiecool

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Great review, but there is really no "enjambment" in haiku. LOL

reply by Smoothiecool on 17-Oct-2014

yeh but I like the flow through LOL

cheers SC

Comment from RYME4U

Excellent

Well done but hard to read with the chosen colors. I like the way you have presented thyis and the reference to Adam and Eve's downfall/ Good job!

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

thank you

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I admired your reference to the bible story in this tiny haiku and addition of alliteration. No artwork was necessary, especially with your colorful presentation, but the one you selected is quite vivid. Best wishes in the contest- Joan, from Boston

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thank you, Joan

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

This is a wonderful fruit haiku for the contest - loved it all - great satori line. Best wishes in the contest.
~teresa~

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thank you, Teresa

Comment from PatVallesMangan

Excellent

This is a lovely poem which hits the reader on so many levels! It's a beautiful apple, but the demise of Adam! Very cleverly put together. The picture works perfectly with the poem! Good luck in the contest!

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thank you for the lovely review

Comment from gailjorben

Good

Love the last line "Eden's demise." The rest of the poem is a little cliché. Love to see more description about Eden's demise. Picture is good, but would be better with a bright really red apple.

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Dear gailjorben, this is a haiku. Haiku have limited syllable counts, more description is not possible. Maybe you should read the prompt rules>?????

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

Your picture is so realistic. I could take a bite from it now. You met the criteria with the correct syllable count. I like the color format of text and background. No changes needed. Good job and good luck in the contest.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2014

Thank you