Robert White
About life and living30 total reviews
Comment from Writingfundimension
Bill, I totally loved this story! You have such a natural 'voice' that I always feel as if you're sitting next to me spinning a yarn. Your ending is perfect to my mind. Thanks so much for sharing.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2014
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Bill, I totally loved this story! You have such a natural 'voice' that I always feel as if you're sitting next to me spinning a yarn. Your ending is perfect to my mind. Thanks so much for sharing.
:) Bev
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2014
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Thank you Bev - both for reading and your kind feedback. I appreciate both. Warm regards, Bill
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You're very welcome, Bill. :) Bev
Comment from humpwhistle
Bill, this piece really takes off when you start the dialogue. Or maybe that's just me. But your characters come alive when they speak.
I like the complexities in this story.
The beginning depicts a much different man.
Good stuff.
Peace, Lee
I made a few notes:
Paragraph 2--you have two sentences that begin with 'It'.
Why not show a little of Robert's frustration in these sentences? Unemployment is embarrassing. Overqualified, my ass. Companies just don't want to hire sixty- year-old men.
--Just a thought.
"It's alright, Son. --no need to capitalize son or sir--unless you're addressing knight.
For a long time, you could hear nothing.--the 'you' in this sentence seems out of place.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Bill, this piece really takes off when you start the dialogue. Or maybe that's just me. But your characters come alive when they speak.
I like the complexities in this story.
The beginning depicts a much different man.
Good stuff.
Peace, Lee
I made a few notes:
Paragraph 2--you have two sentences that begin with 'It'.
Why not show a little of Robert's frustration in these sentences? Unemployment is embarrassing. Overqualified, my ass. Companies just don't want to hire sixty- year-old men.
--Just a thought.
"It's alright, Son. --no need to capitalize son or sir--unless you're addressing knight.
For a long time, you could hear nothing.--the 'you' in this sentence seems out of place.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Lee - thank you very much for reading and your kind and generous feedback. I always appreciate your advice and input. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from Herkjv1611
Precisely, the story elements touched me. The graveyard stories of a family tree, those who passed away like grandparents,relatives, any siblings of the family are worth recollecting.Heaven and hell are only two places for the destiny of the dead. Those who lived are those people who wore God's righteousness while living in the world. In this story of 18th century lives, only the end will tell what place where they could belong. I wonder who was the old man character sitting on the bench.The writer knew who he was. This is a great story. Thank you so much.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Precisely, the story elements touched me. The graveyard stories of a family tree, those who passed away like grandparents,relatives, any siblings of the family are worth recollecting.Heaven and hell are only two places for the destiny of the dead. Those who lived are those people who wore God's righteousness while living in the world. In this story of 18th century lives, only the end will tell what place where they could belong. I wonder who was the old man character sitting on the bench.The writer knew who he was. This is a great story. Thank you so much.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Thank you very much for reading and your kind feedback. I appreciate both. Regards, Bill
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Bill, this is brilliant. Technically perfect, but more. So much more. Your characterizations, even those revealed by your ghost are clearly defined and very human. Your message comes through loud and clear and not the least bit preachy.
An outstanding piece of work. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2014
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Bill, this is brilliant. Technically perfect, but more. So much more. Your characterizations, even those revealed by your ghost are clearly defined and very human. Your message comes through loud and clear and not the least bit preachy.
An outstanding piece of work. :) Nancy
Comment Written 22-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2014
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Nancy - your review allows me to start my day with a big smile. Thank you so much! Hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas. Bill
Comment from nor84
Sixty-year-old man needs some hyphens. Those from her time forward[,] were buried in the big cemetery downtown, not here.>>>the bracketed comma is separating subject Those from verb were buried. Good story, and particularly apropos, since many commit suicide over the Christmas holidays.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Sixty-year-old man needs some hyphens. Those from her time forward[,] were buried in the big cemetery downtown, not here.>>>the bracketed comma is separating subject Those from verb were buried. Good story, and particularly apropos, since many commit suicide over the Christmas holidays.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2014
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Thanks for reading, Norma, and for the positive and helpful feedback. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from Caroline Yego
"Well, if she can't talk to me because she's in heaven, does that mean that because you can talk to me, that you're in hell?" ahahahh...this line got me, it sounds funny..lol!
A well told and captivating story. Karma is real!
Good work, keep it up
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2014
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"Well, if she can't talk to me because she's in heaven, does that mean that because you can talk to me, that you're in hell?" ahahahh...this line got me, it sounds funny..lol!
A well told and captivating story. Karma is real!
Good work, keep it up
Comment Written 21-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2014
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Hi Caroline - thank you so much for your kind and generous review. I'm glad that you read and that you connected! Warm regards, Bill
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Life choices, everyone has a story to tell. Some make good decision and others don't . We all need friends. This one saved a life, life will be better and trials buid character and confidence. Well written story about family and a little piece of earth. Sorry about the slave girl and boy in the battle...hard to lose family.
Have a merry Christmas. flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2014
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Life choices, everyone has a story to tell. Some make good decision and others don't . We all need friends. This one saved a life, life will be better and trials buid character and confidence. Well written story about family and a little piece of earth. Sorry about the slave girl and boy in the battle...hard to lose family.
Have a merry Christmas. flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 21-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2014
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Thank you so much for reading and your kind feedback. I appreciate both! Warm regards, Bill
Comment from jpduck
A most unusual and interesting story with a great sense of history. I was puzzled by the bit at the end about snakes and the pistol. I feel I must have been missing something there, but I couldn't see 'the point' of it.
'but why couldn't she just talk to me direc?' (I wasn't sure whether 'direc was colloquial or SPAG!).
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2014
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A most unusual and interesting story with a great sense of history. I was puzzled by the bit at the end about snakes and the pistol. I feel I must have been missing something there, but I couldn't see 'the point' of it.
'but why couldn't she just talk to me direc?' (I wasn't sure whether 'direc was colloquial or SPAG!).
Comment Written 21-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2014
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The pistol was in his pocket because he was contemplating suicide. I'll circle back around for direc - most certainly spag. Warm regards, Bill
Comment from S.M.E.Schultz
The premise o this story is solid...dealing with stresses and problems that life presents. The things I would comment are almost insignificant, but the old English teacher in me wants to tell you. There are a couple of spots where your tenses are confusing. I had to stop and puzzle out the time sequence. Particularly the line beginning"At other times...", I would add "he had found it centering...".
Also, I didn't get the impression that much time had passed in the day. It was a surprise to hear them talk about having being been there all day. But that might just be me. At the end I was close to tears, and I think that is the most important thing to do in writing ...elicit emotion from strangers.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2014
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The premise o this story is solid...dealing with stresses and problems that life presents. The things I would comment are almost insignificant, but the old English teacher in me wants to tell you. There are a couple of spots where your tenses are confusing. I had to stop and puzzle out the time sequence. Particularly the line beginning"At other times...", I would add "he had found it centering...".
Also, I didn't get the impression that much time had passed in the day. It was a surprise to hear them talk about having being been there all day. But that might just be me. At the end I was close to tears, and I think that is the most important thing to do in writing ...elicit emotion from strangers.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2014
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Thank you so much for reading and your thoughtful comments. I'm glad that it touched you. That brings a smile my way :) Warm regards, Bill
Comment from Zue65
Oh I enjoyed reading your story. I remember my father in the character of the great, great, great grandfather ghost of Rob. Dad don't really like scolding us, except when needed. But he does inculcate the values of what is right and wrong by telling us stories with moral lessons. This fiction is so unique, teaching Rob the facts of life and how he will confront his problems through the experiences and mistakes of his ancestors, allowing him to get insights from the past history of his own family. This definitely deserved six stars. Bravo! God bless author, may your tribe increase.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2014
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Oh I enjoyed reading your story. I remember my father in the character of the great, great, great grandfather ghost of Rob. Dad don't really like scolding us, except when needed. But he does inculcate the values of what is right and wrong by telling us stories with moral lessons. This fiction is so unique, teaching Rob the facts of life and how he will confront his problems through the experiences and mistakes of his ancestors, allowing him to get insights from the past history of his own family. This definitely deserved six stars. Bravo! God bless author, may your tribe increase.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2014
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2014
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What a nice and positive review. It certainly brings smiles my way :) Warm regards, Bill