Comment from Lovinia

Exceptional

Hi Anupam

You have the knack for hitting the 'nail on the head' yet in a gentle and eloquent manner. Your repeat lines are exquisitely expressed with strong poetic technique to provide a cadence and echo which also aids in making your expressions more memorable.

So sad, yet a shaft of light to provide hope. One the first read I thought you had it wrong using "regrets instill the sense of light" ... then as I though more and read again I realise the insight and wisdom in your words. When one reaches a point of 'no return', just the mere glimmer of motivation can come from regrets .. which is a positive emotion rather than negative when used as you have... sometimes all that remains "inside a shadowed, lonely soul".

Powerful emotions draw your reader into this poem... and while I often think of a triolet as a delightful musical romp of whimsy ... your have captured an intensity of feeling which works so well in this form. Unique and original and a superb entry for the contest my friend. The presentation is excellent and empowers your message. Great rhyme and meter. Excellent use of alliteration in "sense/shadowed/soul", while the added and abundant use of 's' consonance throughout provides a strong sense of word usage. I love "thus sculpting hope within the whole" and "When brumous thoughts eclipse the night" - well each line is refreshing and interesting; solemn in intensity, yet the sense of hope shines through. Well considered phrasing and definitely a strong contender for high placement in the contest and for submission to be published. Outstanding. Bravo. Such a pleasure to read some great posts from you. Huge hugs - Lovi xoxoxo

 Comment Written 06-Jan-2015

---

reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015

Hello, dearest Lovi. :)

Wow! Thanks for such a superb, in-depth, insightful review, my friend. Your lovely comments made me grin. :) It's good that I was alone while reading this, else someone would have thought I'm crazy hehe! So thrilled to know you found the repeating lines exquisite. I do like this form.

You have captured the soul of this piece. Regrets not just make people cry and feel alone, but they endow the chance to have a re-start in life, as every experience(good or bad) teaches us a life-lesson. As you said, from a point of 'no return', even a ray of hope can uplift the disturbed souls. Regrets bring clarity in vision.

Thanks for all the lovely compliments. They surely made my day. Will catch up on your tanka soon. Take care! :)

Warm Regards,
Anupam

Comment from judiverse

Exceptional

Beautifully done. Great lines and wording with "Regrets instill the sense of light/inside a shadowed, lonely soul." One feels sorry for this individual; yet there is a sense of hope. Great expression "sculpting hope." It is something that doesn't just happen. A person struggling between right and wrong can find comfort. Lovely work, and best of luck in the contest. judi

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2015

---

reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015

Hi, Judi.

Thanks for this insightful review and the glowing sixth star. So glad to know you enjoyed the refrain lines. I believe that there always exists light amid the darkness, and all one needs is faith to observe it. Have a nice day!

Regards,
Anupam

reply by judiverse on 06-Jan-2015

You're very welcome. Inspired wording. judi

Comment from JudyS

Excellent

Anupam, Another lovely and deep poem. You have such a knack of saying so much in so few words. Great entry in the contest, best of luck. Judy

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2015

---

reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015

Hi, Judy.

Thanks for this encouraging review. I have been reading the chapters of Murphy's Skull and will be reviewing them soon. It's been so long...I have missed the story very much. Have a great week ahead! :)

Comment from Sasha

Exceptional

This is absolutely superb. It is so good to see you posting more, my friend. Marvelous entry for this contest. I love the smooth flow, rhyme, and rhythm of this one. I wish you all the best in the contest too.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2015

---

reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015

Hi, Sasha.

Thanks for this encouraging review and shining stars. So glad you could connect to this piece. I just realized I have posted around eight poems since September LOL! Hopefully, I will have more free time from January end. Thanks for the good luck wishes. I hope you're feeling well, and not having any cough/sneezing problems. Take care!

Regards,
Anupam

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Powerful work, my friend. A strong entry for the contest. Impressive and memorable. Brilliant insight in the repeated line:

Regrets instill the sense of light

Fine consonance and alliteration of S in this sad 9effective) line:

inside a shadowed, lonely soul.

Unique and superb in both meaning and phonetics (especially eclipse insight):

When brumous thoughts eclipse insight,
regrets instill the sense of light

Superb consonance of L in those two lines too.

Nice internal rhyme and assonance with fight, right, light and hope and whole and alliteration of W as well:

to vanish fight twixt wrong and right--
thus sculpting hope within the whole.


Superb flow in this..sounds great read aloud. Fine presentation too with artwork that matches pitch-perfectly.


Bravo, and good luck. Nice to see you posting again, dear Anupam.

Namaste,
rd


This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2015

---

reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015

Hi, dear friend.

Thanks for this wonderful, detailed review! So thrilled to know you enjoyed this so much. Your comments hold a special value. You have captured every detail, as you always do. :) Both of us believe that there is light amid the dark, so this is what inspired me to write this...my usual voice, in a different style. Thanks, again, for this encouraging review. :)

Namaste,
Anupam

reply by rama devi on 06-Jan-2015

Thanks so much, dear Anupam...indeed, we both know the light hides in the dark and surprises us with grace in its wake.
NAMASTE
Warmest Smiles, rd

Comment from rjuselius

Exceptional

this is an exquisite triolet dear death! it is creative, insightful and has powerful metaphors! a very interesting read and well presented!
thank you for sharing!
good luck in the contest! you have a real contender here!
rebekka x

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2015

---

reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015

Hi, Rebekka.

Thanks a lot for this lovely review and the glowing stars. I'm pleased you enjoyed it so much, my friend. I appreciate your good luck wishes. Happy New Year! :)

Regards,
Anupam

Comment from daeneam

Excellent

Happy New Year, my friend!

I love this little poetry of yours. It's difficult to come up with such but you managed to follow all of the requirements. God bless you in the contest Anupam!

c", Mae



This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2015

---

reply by the author on 06-Jan-2015

Hi, Mae.

Happy New Year to you too. I'm glad you enjoyed this. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Have a great week ahead. :)