Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Elephant in the Room"A collection of poems on these themes
38 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
Slumped on the sands of his mating
pondering virtue of dating
deciding not cool
to add to gene pool
he takes up eclectic cheese grating.
I know its nonsense but its free and was on my paste.
your poem
pertinent (whatever that means).
Poignant. Touching. Silencing. Real (not like mine)
Nicely written. Effemeral.like a strobe light of a passing car in a bedroom window.Z.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Slumped on the sands of his mating
pondering virtue of dating
deciding not cool
to add to gene pool
he takes up eclectic cheese grating.
I know its nonsense but its free and was on my paste.
your poem
pertinent (whatever that means).
Poignant. Touching. Silencing. Real (not like mine)
Nicely written. Effemeral.like a strobe light of a passing car in a bedroom window.Z.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Zelick
Steve
Comment from Debra White
Hi Steve,
Wish I'd got a 6 left to award you for this one - really cleverly done.
The elephant in the room that nobody wants to acknowledge - talk about anything but....
I particularly liked this part - 'We each took sidelong glances at him when we thought the other wasn't watching.'
Well written - the best read of my day so far. Thank you :)
Kindest regards as always, Debra
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Hi Steve,
Wish I'd got a 6 left to award you for this one - really cleverly done.
The elephant in the room that nobody wants to acknowledge - talk about anything but....
I particularly liked this part - 'We each took sidelong glances at him when we thought the other wasn't watching.'
Well written - the best read of my day so far. Thank you :)
Kindest regards as always, Debra
Comment Written 28-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Debra, thanks for the warm review and the virtual six stars.
Steve
Comment from Just2Write
Such a poignant Free Verse, Steve. I was pulled in from the start, and was intrigued by the easy beginning - sort of like a child's tea party, and I wondered where the poem was going and why the elephant was the centre of attention, but somehow being ignored. But then, that's the reason for the whole analogy - We often carry on inane conversations whilst ignoring the 'Elephant in the room.' The impact statement at the end was so powerful and pulled the whole scene together. If this is a poem about your personal life, I am so sorry for your mother's state of health and the way the painful news must be affecting you.
Your poem doesn't speak of other things that come through so clearly, like the love and devotion of the mother and child. A very strong poetic that takes us right to the core of the writer's heart.
Rose.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Such a poignant Free Verse, Steve. I was pulled in from the start, and was intrigued by the easy beginning - sort of like a child's tea party, and I wondered where the poem was going and why the elephant was the centre of attention, but somehow being ignored. But then, that's the reason for the whole analogy - We often carry on inane conversations whilst ignoring the 'Elephant in the room.' The impact statement at the end was so powerful and pulled the whole scene together. If this is a poem about your personal life, I am so sorry for your mother's state of health and the way the painful news must be affecting you.
Your poem doesn't speak of other things that come through so clearly, like the love and devotion of the mother and child. A very strong poetic that takes us right to the core of the writer's heart.
Rose.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Rose. Some don't really get it (just ignoring the last line) and some get it perfectly as you do.
This was about my last visit with my mother in 2011. We both knew it would be the last time we saw each other but both chose not to mention that or the grim prognosis for her illness.
Steve
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My mother didn't want to talk about the elephant in the room either. I do understand. I am so sorry for your loss. Rose.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Steve. I have seen a few pink elephants in my bedroom in the mornings over the years but never a grey one in the house. This is an interesting verse mate with some wit as well and you know I always enjoy that. Great work, cheers Fez
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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G'day Steve. I have seen a few pink elephants in my bedroom in the mornings over the years but never a grey one in the house. This is an interesting verse mate with some wit as well and you know I always enjoy that. Great work, cheers Fez
Comment Written 28-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Fez!
Steve
Comment from michaelcahill
This is perfection. The light tone sets us up perfectly. In a way we are in a similar boat wondering what the elephant represents. But that is part of the devastating payoff at the end. The fact that we were smiling and amused and so very unaware of what was truly going on. I read some of the reviews and was shocked that some of the people didn't seem to get such a clear message like this. Oh well. An awesome piece. I hope you get a POM for this, it deserves it. mikey
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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This is perfection. The light tone sets us up perfectly. In a way we are in a similar boat wondering what the elephant represents. But that is part of the devastating payoff at the end. The fact that we were smiling and amused and so very unaware of what was truly going on. I read some of the reviews and was shocked that some of the people didn't seem to get such a clear message like this. Oh well. An awesome piece. I hope you get a POM for this, it deserves it. mikey
Comment Written 28-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Mikey, thanks for the great review and the six stars.
Yes, reviewers are a bit split between those who get it and those who don't. I rather suspect some of them didn't make it to the last line, or if they did, they conveniently ignored it.
On the other hand, I see a bunch of other six star reviews so those who did get it, clearly liked it a lot!
Steve
Comment from krys123
Steve; near and notable alliteration in "side stepped". An intriguing and interesting piece of poetry that had my interest all the way through the writing. The use of a script type field to the writing baby feel I was in the room visualizing the elephant and having a conversation with it. The imagery was very descriptive and expressive throughout and describe the elephant in detail, especially as it swayed its trunk around the room. A very clever and witty imagination that is truly inventive and ingeniously creative. Thank you for sharing and posting and may the Lord be with you Steve.
Alex
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Steve; near and notable alliteration in "side stepped". An intriguing and interesting piece of poetry that had my interest all the way through the writing. The use of a script type field to the writing baby feel I was in the room visualizing the elephant and having a conversation with it. The imagery was very descriptive and expressive throughout and describe the elephant in detail, especially as it swayed its trunk around the room. A very clever and witty imagination that is truly inventive and ingeniously creative. Thank you for sharing and posting and may the Lord be with you Steve.
Alex
Comment Written 28-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Alex.
Steve
Comment from w.j.debi
You expertly set up the story, making the reader wonder what the unspoken, awkward topic is and then "pow" the final line. Excellent presentation as you pair the perfect picture with your verse.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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You expertly set up the story, making the reader wonder what the unspoken, awkward topic is and then "pow" the final line. Excellent presentation as you pair the perfect picture with your verse.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Thanks for reviewing.
Steve
Comment from Deborah Marie
Virtual six, instead! This brought a smile to my face and made me giggle...:) Extremely entertaining, has an airy progression, rhythm and flow. Impressive Imagery seen throughout. Clever use of descriptive wording. Thanks for sharing, Deb
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Virtual six, instead! This brought a smile to my face and made me giggle...:) Extremely entertaining, has an airy progression, rhythm and flow. Impressive Imagery seen throughout. Clever use of descriptive wording. Thanks for sharing, Deb
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Deb.
Steve
Comment from artemis53
The nurse in me said no but the ending did not take me by surprise> I very rarely hand out 6s but this one deserves every bit of it. It is a well written and controlled piece of anguish for both sides I am sure.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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The nurse in me said no but the ending did not take me by surprise> I very rarely hand out 6s but this one deserves every bit of it. It is a well written and controlled piece of anguish for both sides I am sure.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Thanks so much for the six and the understanding review.
My mother died in 2011. This relates to my last visit with her, three months before her death - I travelled from Australia to see her. There were very few outward signs of illness, but we both knew it would be the last time e would see each other. neither of us mentioned her illness and yes, I distinctly remember discussing the price of bananas.
Steve
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I wouldn't take that as being unusual. Bless you for letting her lead the way on Her decision on HER dath. My Brother, Sister and myself did not agree on all of my parents wishes but followed them to a 'T." Even when my Father had decided on Hospice there was no talk of death...only life.
Comment from Dawny53
No sixes left for me once again.. but here's my virtual eight.. extremely funny..and although the ending was a bit of a shock, so what. Death is a natural thing.. and you have expressed your feelings on it in the most tactful and gracious way possible..hope those are the right words.. great poem! A one of a kind and never will be done again kind of a poem! There, I did my best!
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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No sixes left for me once again.. but here's my virtual eight.. extremely funny..and although the ending was a bit of a shock, so what. Death is a natural thing.. and you have expressed your feelings on it in the most tactful and gracious way possible..hope those are the right words.. great poem! A one of a kind and never will be done again kind of a poem! There, I did my best!
Comment Written 27-Feb-2015
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2015
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Thanks, Dawny - I appreciate the thoughtful review and the virtual eight stars. Did you know that when you win a FanStory Site contest, they send you a seven-star review - you have gone one better.
Steve