Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

Brett, I like this. I have a couple of suggestions that possibly will make it a little less confusing to the reader.

I can hear (her) heart is breaking as you lead me to the door. (your) instead of her

Before too long you'll call me when you're tired of being alone.
I know that you'll be waiting in our home away from home.
I never meant to hurt (her she's been so good to me),
but, the love that you can give me makes me wild and free
(you, for you've been so good to me)
Just suggestions.

 Comment Written 02-May-2015

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reply by the author on 02-May-2015

Changing "her" to "yours" changes who the man is talking about. Thanks for your comments and support.

Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Excellent

This is a very well written poem that is perfect for the 'broken heart' contest. Good rhyming couplets maintained throughout. The story line is very good. You have not stuck to the writing in third person 'her' and referred to 'you' in places, talking about her then to her, otherwise a good write and I hope you do well in the contest. Warm regards Dorothyx

 Comment Written 02-May-2015

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reply by the author on 02-May-2015

Thanks for your comments.

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

Another great country and western lyric. Of course the "I" of this story is a rat but through the medium of the lyric we or at at least I can have sympathy for him. I've been here before - a long time ago but neverthe less - and: "but, the love that you can give me makes me wild and free" is the reason i can sympathise. Another powerful phrase comes earlier on: " I'm not strong enough for no." That says it all.

 Comment Written 02-May-2015

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reply by the author on 02-May-2015

Thank you.

Comment from misscookie

Excellent

I love the old house you choose to go with your poem. They don't build homes like that any more.
You capture my attention from the start.
Even though each line I read broke my heart.
Thank you for sharing.
Cookie

 Comment Written 02-May-2015

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reply by the author on 02-May-2015

Thanks and I always appreciate your support.

Comment from Tomes Johnston

Excellent

This is a beautiful poem that the author has created with this piece of writing. Letters used to be such a part of my life. I remember sending them regularly, but now the internet and technology has taken over. I am emailing, skyping and texting now, instead of sending letters, ringing and actually talking to people. Skype is great though as I can see everybody as well as talk to them.

 Comment Written 02-May-2015

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reply by the author on 02-May-2015

Thanks for your comments.

reply by Tomes Johnston on 02-May-2015

My pleasure

Comment from inside echo

Excellent

Again, a very well written song. Like the one I just read, this too carries its own beat. This makes it very easy to keep the reader reading. It requires no effort to continue reading, as it flows so well and carries the reader through it. I am impressed. Thank you for sharing.
echo

 Comment Written 02-May-2015

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reply by the author on 02-May-2015

Thank you for your comments and support. Always appreciate them very much.

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Brett...

Sadly, once you peel back the layers of unfaithfulness, a heart breaks and shatters into a million pieces. No way to stop it.

I was married to a cheater, and once the glow of the chase is over, they think they can come back and all is forgiven.

Beep! Wrong answer. Nobody wins and everybody loses.

This is well written with great emotion. Good entry. Good luck.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)

 Comment Written 02-May-2015

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reply by the author on 02-May-2015

Thanks for your continued support and comments.

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Somewhere a heart is breaking with the slamming of a door.
I can see her teardrops falling as she says to me "No more!"
Another silent night surrounds me and I'm alone as I can be.
She didn't wanna hear my story she just turned awAy from me
This is my favorite verse silent night surrounds me..I love that
God bless

 Comment Written 01-May-2015

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reply by the author on 02-May-2015

Thank you again for your comments and continue support.

Comment from Thamp

Excellent

I think you did well for the contest. You certainly left me thinking a heart was going to be broken. Not a pleasant topic to read or write about - most of us can call up a broken heart or two.

 Comment Written 01-May-2015

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reply by the author on 01-May-2015

Thanks for your comments and support. Agreed, we have all been there. Makes my writing about them a little easier.

Comment from Nosha17

Excellent

Unfaithfulness in a relationship, however exciting, can only bring heartache. Good story line within your poem, excellent rhyming and somewhere someone did break their heart. Good luck in the contest. Faye

 Comment Written 01-May-2015

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reply by the author on 01-May-2015

Thank you for your comments and suuport.