The Birthday Party
Dead, but not departed19 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Ingrid! This is astounding. Your pacing was impeccable. And the final couple of lines where Kate is holding the lamp like a bludgeoning instrument chills my blood.
My tenth birthday is a big deal--for me--finally reaching double digits, and my parents. [It's a judgment call, but I think you have the wrong thing set apart by Em dashes: I think it should be "--finally reaching double digits--". That way you won't be leaving "and my parents" hanging on the end of a comma.]
Beautiful!
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Ingrid! This is astounding. Your pacing was impeccable. And the final couple of lines where Kate is holding the lamp like a bludgeoning instrument chills my blood.
My tenth birthday is a big deal--for me--finally reaching double digits, and my parents. [It's a judgment call, but I think you have the wrong thing set apart by Em dashes: I think it should be "--finally reaching double digits--". That way you won't be leaving "and my parents" hanging on the end of a comma.]
Beautiful!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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I stared at the sentence and knew something was amiss, but went word dead for awhile. Thanks for the six stars. A high review from you is an honour.
Comment from DALLAS01
Boy you sure met the requirement in this prompt. Definitely spine tingling. Pills at six was the clincher. Sounds like Sybil to me. Or maybe even worse. This needs expanded. Is she or isn't she? Or maybe Kate really exists? Hmmm
Good luck I loved it.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Boy you sure met the requirement in this prompt. Definitely spine tingling. Pills at six was the clincher. Sounds like Sybil to me. Or maybe even worse. This needs expanded. Is she or isn't she? Or maybe Kate really exists? Hmmm
Good luck I loved it.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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I'm honoured! I'm pulling all your rich reviews out of the vault. But, raining here--a lot. I can use the twinklers to keep me going. Thank you.
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You're welcome. Sad day here. Just had to send Maggie to pet heaven.
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Yes, it is a sad day. Our precious little ones gave us more than love and years, they gave us a touchstone, remembering their playfulness, the times together and how we felt about ourselves. My old girl in 19 1/2 and bow has bone cancer on her face. I say goodbye every day knowing that one day it will be the last time. I feel for you.
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Thanks. She was between 16-18. They estimated she was about six when I got her from the shelter and I had her for 12 years.
I think the combination of the age and the diabetes was just too much for her. When I saw how peacefully and relaxed she passed, I regetted not giving her that relief a few weeks earlier because she was really struggling. I kept looking for signs of improvement.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Really good use of the prompt. You have made mommy both responsible and not. The haunting of the living twin by the dead one is terrifying, and not just in the scary ghost kind of way, but the way many people are terrified by a family member of acquaintance that finds a way to emotionally and physically bully you into getting what they want. It could, and does, happen all the time.
The story almost seems a part of a longer story as you leave us to wonder what will happen to Amy and Mommy once the day is done.
Rhonda
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Really good use of the prompt. You have made mommy both responsible and not. The haunting of the living twin by the dead one is terrifying, and not just in the scary ghost kind of way, but the way many people are terrified by a family member of acquaintance that finds a way to emotionally and physically bully you into getting what they want. It could, and does, happen all the time.
The story almost seems a part of a longer story as you leave us to wonder what will happen to Amy and Mommy once the day is done.
Rhonda
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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This is a case where the imagination can probably paint a better tomorrow scene than the writer. Thanks.
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The never ending torment! Good idea.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A very creative write, my friend. A ghost twin--how clever. She doesn't sound much worse than my real sister, however about 400 miles separate us which is a blessing. Best wishes in the contest~Debbie
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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A very creative write, my friend. A ghost twin--how clever. She doesn't sound much worse than my real sister, however about 400 miles separate us which is a blessing. Best wishes in the contest~Debbie
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Keep that mileage--treat it like a moat. Sisters can get to us. Thanks.
Comment from GWHARGIS
The thing I liked about this is the fact that I don't know if Amy really is being haunted by the ghost of her dead sister or if she is plain old bat shit crazy. Good use of imagery to let the reader know how Kate was hell bent on destroying her party. Great job. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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The thing I liked about this is the fact that I don't know if Amy really is being haunted by the ghost of her dead sister or if she is plain old bat shit crazy. Good use of imagery to let the reader know how Kate was hell bent on destroying her party. Great job. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thanks for the stars. Feel good on a rainy weekend.
Comment from Lesley Collier
A horrifying story of a twins birthday party which she is looking forward to but the ghost of her stillborn twin tries to destroy the party unless she agrees to punish their mother the next day for killing her. While the twin still alive tries to explain that it wasn't their mothers fault the cord was wrapped around her neck at birth the dead twin won't buy it and in order to have his party agrees to her plan for revenge. Well written with an interesting twist of the haunting twin destroying her siblings happiness!
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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A horrifying story of a twins birthday party which she is looking forward to but the ghost of her stillborn twin tries to destroy the party unless she agrees to punish their mother the next day for killing her. While the twin still alive tries to explain that it wasn't their mothers fault the cord was wrapped around her neck at birth the dead twin won't buy it and in order to have his party agrees to her plan for revenge. Well written with an interesting twist of the haunting twin destroying her siblings happiness!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thanks, still looking for weird angles.
Comment from Sis Cat
This is a riveting response to the supernatural scary story contest. The battle of wills between twins Amy and Kate had me on edge. Their rivalry and jealousy showed. I am so not looking forward to that birthday party. I glad you ended your story with a cliffhanger to imagine, "Tomorrow we party my way." Thank you for sharing and scaring. I wish you success in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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This is a riveting response to the supernatural scary story contest. The battle of wills between twins Amy and Kate had me on edge. Their rivalry and jealousy showed. I am so not looking forward to that birthday party. I glad you ended your story with a cliffhanger to imagine, "Tomorrow we party my way." Thank you for sharing and scaring. I wish you success in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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Thanks so much. I appreciate the read.
Comment from Sasha
I have two younger twin sisters, both survived but act pretty much the same as your characters. They fight, argue, do whatever they can to ruin the others fun. Scary thought that a stillborn could harbor so much animosity toward her sister and mother. Great work with this and a terrific entry for the contest. It is great to see more non-blind contests. I really do not like the blind ones. I wish you all the best in this contest too.
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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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I have two younger twin sisters, both survived but act pretty much the same as your characters. They fight, argue, do whatever they can to ruin the others fun. Scary thought that a stillborn could harbor so much animosity toward her sister and mother. Great work with this and a terrific entry for the contest. It is great to see more non-blind contests. I really do not like the blind ones. I wish you all the best in this contest too.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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some people do productive things, like bring dragons to life, and other write stories to avoid being productive. LOL. Been pouring rain for two days. Thanks.
Comment from Javed05
I like this piece and enjoyed reading it .................it is engaging for the reader......it flows smoothly ......language used is great...... It creates good imagery.....thanks for sharing with us .....
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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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I like this piece and enjoyed reading it .................it is engaging for the reader......it flows smoothly ......language used is great...... It creates good imagery.....thanks for sharing with us .....
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2015
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2015
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And thank you for reading.