Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

"I am known to live in caves, under rocks, and on isolated mountains.
I have lived a ripe old age of many centuries now. I guess I have been around since the dawn of time. However, I can not tolerate being out in sunlight, and lightning is another thing I must avoid at all costs." I think I know this chap. Bit of a bugger, he is! He hangs out in the same places I like to hang out in. H-m-m-m-m-mmmmmm...

"are also violent by nature creatures violent creatures by nature who delight in capturing and torturing our victims.".......A bit of restructuring here might be considered...

" Should I simply rip his throat out? Or do I let my razor sharp claws tear him to pieces?".........I would opt for just tearing him to pieces. It takes longer and is much more painful...

Well, if a beautiful naked woman approaches me from virtually out of nowhere and takes my hand, I have a tendency to become highly suspicious of her ulterior motives. In other words, she ain't getting me to go anywhere with her. Instead, i'd be inclined to turn my attentions back towards all of that gold. Heck, with that much gold, you can pretty much buy all of the beautiful women your heart desires anyhow. So why settle for just one?

Oh, wily and wicked are we greedy mortals, heh-heh...

Good luck to you in the contest. ~Dean

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015

I would so love to incorporate some of your wonderful ideas into this story. And maybe I will after the contest is over. Win or not reading your review has made writing that piece worth it for me. Do you think it would be cheating for me to reprise the story at this point? You have given me a whole new set of fresh ideas I could so easily include in it.

reply by Dean Kuch on 19-Jul-2015

Well, I personally don't subscribe to the theory of it being considered cheating to revise your story as you deem fit, anonymous. I do it all of the time during contests, using the advice and suggestions given to me by fellow members. I see nothing wrong with that, as long as there are no rules in the contest which state that once your story is posted, there can be no alterations nor revisions. I saw nothing of the sort in the rules for this particular contest.
It's your story, so I say go for it! :}
~Dean

reply by the author on 19-Jul-2015

I will. Always like the confidence you have in me. Thanks for your constant support.

reply by Dean Kuch on 19-Jul-2015

You're welcome.

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

This was an entertaining tale. The voice in the piece was very good. A different take.
I wish you the best in the competition

GMG

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015

Thanks for your comments and support. Appreciate them very much indeed.

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

An allegory told with sparkling humour! The rainbow, so full of perceived beauty, is nothing more than an optical illusion to tempt us along the path of greed. Those who spend their lives seeking gold, as so many of us do, are indeed doomed, for that deadly sin of greed will always eventually consume us. It seems that, for men, the combination of greed and lust is the ultimate humdinger!

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015

Thanks for your comments and support. Appreciate them very much indeed.

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Interesting but it shifts from past to present tense in places. The beginning is mysterious but the answer to that are a bit illusive in this. I would recommend adding more detail and context to it.

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 18-Jul-2015

Thanks for the review, however, FanStory inadvertently posted my entry without it even being completed. Check back later for the rest of the story.

Comment from Clover77

Excellent

A very well written contest entry! And a very beautiful rainbow photo to accompany it. Well done, Anonymous Author, well done
~Julia

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 18-Jul-2015

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2015

Thanks for your comments and support. Appreciate them very much indeed.