2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "5/7/5 (frozen puddle game)"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
15 total reviews
Comment from ellie6
A charming little verse. We have all jumped on ice puddles at some time - well, those of us who live in countries where there is a winter. A nice poem and a good picture of children.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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A charming little verse. We have all jumped on ice puddles at some time - well, those of us who live in countries where there is a winter. A nice poem and a good picture of children.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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thank you
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This is a fun poem about winter - jumping on frozen puddles to see if they will break is quite adventurous. [The reason I rated this 4 stars is that the third line has only four syllables and the contest rules call for 5 (it's a 5-7-5). It would be easy to remedy if you want to. Didn't want you to be disqualified on a technicality. Let me know if you correct it, and I will change the rating.] Good luck, Jeanie Mercer
P.S. I have looked at this again, and I see the third line obviously does have 5 syllables, as you say in your reply. If this hasn't been changed, I must have just seen it wrong. I have changed the rating to 5 stars. Sorry! Jeanie
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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This is a fun poem about winter - jumping on frozen puddles to see if they will break is quite adventurous. [The reason I rated this 4 stars is that the third line has only four syllables and the contest rules call for 5 (it's a 5-7-5). It would be easy to remedy if you want to. Didn't want you to be disqualified on a technicality. Let me know if you correct it, and I will change the rating.] Good luck, Jeanie Mercer
P.S. I have looked at this again, and I see the third line obviously does have 5 syllables, as you say in your reply. If this hasn't been changed, I must have just seen it wrong. I have changed the rating to 5 stars. Sorry! Jeanie
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Hello Jeanie, I checked and doubled checked and my 3rd line has 5 syllables:
child?s1 + ice1 + escapades3 =5 I use a site called -how many syllables- to double ck my work.
thank you for the review
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Please note the P.S. here: "I have looked at this again, and I see the third line obviously does have 5 syllables, as you say in your reply. If this hasn't been changed, I must have just seen it wrong. I have changed the rating to 5 stars. Sorry! Jeanie
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no worries, I didn't change anything
Comment from country ranch writer
I remember those days we would dare each other to go out on the ice to see if it was solid enough to skate on, its a wonder we didn't fall in
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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I remember those days we would dare each other to go out on the ice to see if it was solid enough to skate on, its a wonder we didn't fall in
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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thank you country ranch writer :)
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S M I L E S
Comment from TAB_that's me
Your entry fits the prompt perfectly with correct line and syllable count. Fun little poem. Good luck in the contest.
Teresa
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reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Your entry fits the prompt perfectly with correct line and syllable count. Fun little poem. Good luck in the contest.
Teresa
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Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Thank you Teresa :)
Comment from Mark Valentine
A number of reasons I like this one: great choice of subject matter - it recalls a universal game and sweet memory for all of us that grew up in climates where there is snow; the last line - the child's ice escapades line has a cool sibilant sound to it and is also a play on "Ice Capades"; the picture fits the poem so nicely. Good luck in the contest.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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A number of reasons I like this one: great choice of subject matter - it recalls a universal game and sweet memory for all of us that grew up in climates where there is snow; the last line - the child's ice escapades line has a cool sibilant sound to it and is also a play on "Ice Capades"; the picture fits the poem so nicely. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2015
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2015
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Thank you Mark :)