Senryu (Mom and dad divorce)
senryu contest32 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
The Country Western song with different lyrics. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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The Country Western song with different lyrics. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thank you c lucas for this wonderful review my friend.!
God bless!
Steve
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You're welcome, Steve. Charlie
Comment from Ekim777
It so neatly ties itself up, no knots or loose ends. Oh the poor woman who found herself in the wrong time and the wrong place. Life is just not fair even with a Haiku. Who would have guessed. -Ekim777
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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It so neatly ties itself up, no knots or loose ends. Oh the poor woman who found herself in the wrong time and the wrong place. Life is just not fair even with a Haiku. Who would have guessed. -Ekim777
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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LOL!
Thank you Ekim777 for this awesome review.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from judiverse
What a story you've managed to tell in this senyru. The nerve of Dad, marrying the baby sitter. The situation has prompted actions on Mom's part that result in her serving a life sentence. Not worth it for that guy. Your syllable count is consistent with the senyru requirements, and good luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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What a story you've managed to tell in this senyru. The nerve of Dad, marrying the baby sitter. The situation has prompted actions on Mom's part that result in her serving a life sentence. Not worth it for that guy. Your syllable count is consistent with the senyru requirements, and good luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thank you Judiverse for this awesome review.
I came close to winning this one.
God bless!
Steve
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You're very welcome. It's always hard to know how those contests will play out. judi
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True!
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True!
Comment from l.raven
OMG very well thought of...but a bit sad...this could read go two ways...
mom and dad divorce
and mom took her life
or
mom and dad divorce
and mom took dad's life
very well written...and the picture says it all...luff Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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OMG very well thought of...but a bit sad...this could read go two ways...
mom and dad divorce
and mom took her life
or
mom and dad divorce
and mom took dad's life
very well written...and the picture says it all...luff Linda xxoo
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Exactly my friend! Thank you for this most awesome review.
God bless!
Steve
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you are so welcome Steve...and God Bless you as well...xxoo luff
Comment from w.j.debi
Oh my. This creates all sorts of stories in my head. It is at least an episode for a crime show. I don't think I've seen one where the husband marries the babysitter, but it certainly sound feasible.
Best of luck in the contest
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Oh my. This creates all sorts of stories in my head. It is at least an episode for a crime show. I don't think I've seen one where the husband marries the babysitter, but it certainly sound feasible.
Best of luck in the contest
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thank you for this awesome review.
I had fun with particular piece!
God bless!
Steve
Comment from Glasstruth
At first I didn't get the last line then I realized that mom did dad in. Life's strange, and for a senryu this has quite a twist to it. Well crafted. Good luck with the contest. Les
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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At first I didn't get the last line then I realized that mom did dad in. Life's strange, and for a senryu this has quite a twist to it. Well crafted. Good luck with the contest. Les
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thank you Les for another awesome review my friend!
I came close to winning this one!
God bless!
Steve
Comment from mfowler
I think you have penned an ironic and true perspective on what divorce can be. So often divorce means poverty. Sometimes, it's the innocent who is left in the most dire straits, left to raise the kids of the husband who flits off to greener pastures. Indeed, a life sentence without marital love, often support and left to carry the burden of responsibility for the man's fling. Well penned and eerily supported by the coffin imagery.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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I think you have penned an ironic and true perspective on what divorce can be. So often divorce means poverty. Sometimes, it's the innocent who is left in the most dire straits, left to raise the kids of the husband who flits off to greener pastures. Indeed, a life sentence without marital love, often support and left to carry the burden of responsibility for the man's fling. Well penned and eerily supported by the coffin imagery.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thank you mfowler for this most detailed and excellent review my friends.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from JanPerry
So sorry for your mother's passing. It looks like she was well loved. My mother was too, but we didn't show it, knowing she knew ahead of us.
Sorry your dad chased after the babysitter. Maybe chapter 2 Senryu poem will include the cause of your mother's death?
Who knows, thanks for including your Senryu.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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So sorry for your mother's passing. It looks like she was well loved. My mother was too, but we didn't show it, knowing she knew ahead of us.
Sorry your dad chased after the babysitter. Maybe chapter 2 Senryu poem will include the cause of your mother's death?
Who knows, thanks for including your Senryu.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thank you for this very thoughtful review my friend.
God bless!
Steve
Comment from rjuselius
"Mom and dad divorce
dad marries babysitter
mom serves life sentence"
this is a witty little piece of poetry dear friend! it has a morbid side to it but it still works and you can imagine the events in your mind.
thank you for sharing!
blessings!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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"Mom and dad divorce
dad marries babysitter
mom serves life sentence"
this is a witty little piece of poetry dear friend! it has a morbid side to it but it still works and you can imagine the events in your mind.
thank you for sharing!
blessings!
rebekka x
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thank you for this awesome review.
I had fun with particular piece! For I have a morbid side myself lol!
God bless!
Steve
Comment from Jackarrie
This is a very good entry into the Senryu Poetry contest. It is a common occurrence more than we could ever imagine.
dad marries babysitter
mom serves life sentence
I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Mary
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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This is a very good entry into the Senryu Poetry contest. It is a common occurrence more than we could ever imagine.
dad marries babysitter
mom serves life sentence
I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Mary
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
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Thank you Jackarrie for this most excellent review.
I came in second!
God bless!
Steve