Short Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Class of '70"A Collection Of Short Form Poetry
22 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Mikey;
-A beautifully written romantic tanka poem that is so conducive for a very sensual piece of poetry.
-The only issue I have is the use of the word trembling which is the use of a gerund and a Japanese writing for poem. I believe the Japanese language they do not use ING words but that is up to debate with some literary analysts.
-Your satori Sums up the relativity of the concept and gives your writing that aha moment.
-The rest of your writing has an imagery that is exquisitely and excellently expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive plus they all grammatically interconnected.
-Good luck in the contest and may the Lord be with you always Mikey.
Alex
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Mikey;
-A beautifully written romantic tanka poem that is so conducive for a very sensual piece of poetry.
-The only issue I have is the use of the word trembling which is the use of a gerund and a Japanese writing for poem. I believe the Japanese language they do not use ING words but that is up to debate with some literary analysts.
-Your satori Sums up the relativity of the concept and gives your writing that aha moment.
-The rest of your writing has an imagery that is exquisitely and excellently expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive plus they all grammatically interconnected.
-Good luck in the contest and may the Lord be with you always Mikey.
Alex
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Glad you enjoyed this, Alex. You have a good point with the gerund. I tried several other ways to put it, but I ended up preferring it the way it is. Every rule has an exception ... I hope. Hahaha. Blessings, mikey
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Mikey; yes I found it very hard use gerunds and LY words and sometimes it just can't be helped..
Alex
Comment from nordicgirl
This is perfection. I just adore the bridge. Wow! This is so true. I have yet to meet anyone including myself who did not experience this very thing upon reuniting with their first love. It never dies. Circumstance may be what it is, but the feelings are always there. Beautiful words and the presentation enhances. Maybe a winner...
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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This is perfection. I just adore the bridge. Wow! This is so true. I have yet to meet anyone including myself who did not experience this very thing upon reuniting with their first love. It never dies. Circumstance may be what it is, but the feelings are always there. Beautiful words and the presentation enhances. Maybe a winner...
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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wow. thank you so much. I hope the judges agree. :)) mikey
Comment from shelley kaye
class of '70! wow! i was BORN in '70! LOL!
anyway, this was a great tanka about first love and all the emotions that come with it, and i have nothing to suggest to fix or edit. good work!
thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest! :-)
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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class of '70! wow! i was BORN in '70! LOL!
anyway, this was a great tanka about first love and all the emotions that come with it, and i have nothing to suggest to fix or edit. good work!
thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest! :-)
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Someone had to spend the time to make sure you were born into a cool world. :))
Glad you liked this. Thank you much, mikey
Comment from Sasha
Yes, our first love will always be frozen in time. Beautiful tanka and terrific entry for this contest. I enjoyed this very much and wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Yes, our first love will always be frozen in time. Beautiful tanka and terrific entry for this contest. I enjoyed this very much and wish you all the best.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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So pleased you enjoyed this. Yes, it is a clear image that time doesn't seem to affect. mikey
Comment from lightink
You promised a sweet one, you delivered a sweet one! :)
There's nothing like high school love! I loved the middle line -
as a bridge "frozen in time". I can relate to it so much: something about the early true love is timeless even if it ended... Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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You promised a sweet one, you delivered a sweet one! :)
There's nothing like high school love! I loved the middle line -
as a bridge "frozen in time". I can relate to it so much: something about the early true love is timeless even if it ended... Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Yes, exactly like you say. I remember everything about it in detail. Thank yous so much. :)) mikey
Comment from Joyce Long
Your Tanka poem and picture should do well in the contest. Best of luck.
'First love' will always be a part of a person. I am married to my first love and have been very blessed. We dated four years and have been married 50+ years. My granddaughter noticed in her wedding pictures that when we were together, we were holding hands. I am so blessed.
I really didn't see anything that needed extra work.
Joyce 10-13-15
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Your Tanka poem and picture should do well in the contest. Best of luck.
'First love' will always be a part of a person. I am married to my first love and have been very blessed. We dated four years and have been married 50+ years. My granddaughter noticed in her wedding pictures that when we were together, we were holding hands. I am so blessed.
I really didn't see anything that needed extra work.
Joyce 10-13-15
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Congratulations! Yep, love pays no attention to trivial things like age. What a lovely story. I'm pleased you enjoyed this and I thank you for bringing a smile to my face. mikey
Comment from Jay Squires
Hey, Mikey! I read your lovely poem twice. I also agree that what accompanied it is "a pretty picture and a nice display."
What i don't understand is how anyone could find either objectionable!
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Hey, Mikey! I read your lovely poem twice. I also agree that what accompanied it is "a pretty picture and a nice display."
What i don't understand is how anyone could find either objectionable!
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Oh, they do. Hahaha. "It should just be the words. Blah, blah, blah. They should stand on their own..."
I wonder if they abhor the funny papers. :)) I always write the words first and then try and make them look purdy. Pleased you enjoyed. Thank you so much. Loving your writing this year. Great stuff. I wish I had more time for reviewing etc. mikey
Comment from ellie6
A happily romantic poem. Is a reunion ever as it is remembered ? In this case it seems as if it was. They say 'never go back' but sometimes it works.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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A happily romantic poem. Is a reunion ever as it is remembered ? In this case it seems as if it was. They say 'never go back' but sometimes it works.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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It does sometimes. But just to say hello usually. Thank you so much. mikey
Comment from rspoet
This is a fine poem for the tanka form and the contest
Flexibility in syllables is permitted and used to advantage here
Good subtle use of poetics like alliteration
Excellent image of first trembling kiss
and perhaps, first trembling reunion
that turns to warm memories
Excellent picture to complement the poem
Very well done
Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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This is a fine poem for the tanka form and the contest
Flexibility in syllables is permitted and used to advantage here
Good subtle use of poetics like alliteration
Excellent image of first trembling kiss
and perhaps, first trembling reunion
that turns to warm memories
Excellent picture to complement the poem
Very well done
Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Wow. What a great review. You hit on everything I was trying to do. I'm so pleased you think I did well. Thank you so much. mikey
Comment from doggymad
I loved this short romantic work. I don't understand why anybody should find it objectionable.
It speaks to me of childhood friends, finding some thing more than friendship
hugs
Freda
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I loved this short romantic work. I don't understand why anybody should find it objectionable.
It speaks to me of childhood friends, finding some thing more than friendship
hugs
Freda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2015