A Serpent Watching-Part 3
Short Story15 total reviews
Comment from foxangie123
The special straight you have is the insight from our generation now made clear and you speak the terminology of today which is so clever. Spectacular. That pic is still scarey to me but effective.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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The special straight you have is the insight from our generation now made clear and you speak the terminology of today which is so clever. Spectacular. That pic is still scarey to me but effective.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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It is a creepy picture, yes? Glad you're enjoying. Thanks for the encouragement. mikey
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Always welcome.
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Mikey
= Wow, you have A LOT going on, but the good kind of going on by not dwelling on one scene too long.
= Great segmenting, so the reader has a clear take on what/where.
= The murders just added layers of what is going on in the oh so prim and proper school, with closet, lust-filled Head Mistress, trying her bet to keep up her image.
= Fantastic chapter. No pov issues ... I wasn't really looking, I was too engrossed in what was going to happen, because, with each segment, you set a good foundation for something to happen.
<> Inverted quotes. Here is how I get around these.
= as I've tried to impart to you-- "
<> This method is the way I've found to insure the quotes form the correct way.
= A pain in the butt, but it works. (*<*)
=FORMULA=
word,quotes,cursor between word andquotes,dash,dash,letter,enter,backspace
= impart to you--"
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie/Jax (*>*)
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Hi, Mikey
= Wow, you have A LOT going on, but the good kind of going on by not dwelling on one scene too long.
= Great segmenting, so the reader has a clear take on what/where.
= The murders just added layers of what is going on in the oh so prim and proper school, with closet, lust-filled Head Mistress, trying her bet to keep up her image.
= Fantastic chapter. No pov issues ... I wasn't really looking, I was too engrossed in what was going to happen, because, with each segment, you set a good foundation for something to happen.
<> Inverted quotes. Here is how I get around these.
= as I've tried to impart to you-- "
<> This method is the way I've found to insure the quotes form the correct way.
= A pain in the butt, but it works. (*<*)
=FORMULA=
word,quotes,cursor between word andquotes,dash,dash,letter,enter,backspace
= impart to you--"
* Cheers & Blessings *
Keep Smilin'... Jackie/Jax (*>*)
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Thanks a trillion million. Your advice before was a huge help. I used the site you mentioned too and it helped to the max. I'll check the inverted quote thing. I didn't even know there was such a thing. sigh. HA! I'm so pleased you're enjoying this. It's a fun write and I feel a little like a writer too. mikey
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= You doing a good job of telling the story about Darby's 'issue', and the typical young kids with their sexual exploits, but in 'good taste.'
= No getting around the subject matter, but you're not doing it in a smutty way.
= Damn good writing, my friend. (*<*)
Comment from Pantygynt
You say this is not erotica, not designed to stimulate. I would agree with that, it doesn't, but perhaps I'm like the boys think Darby is - past it. Would you consider it pornography? It seems to me to be pornographic in parts. Is it necessarily so? Perhaps that will better able to be judged when we have the whole thing before us. At the moment I can't see how else it could be done.
Best comment for my money isn't one of the "juicy" bits no. It is this:
"They had no relationship, it is forbidden."
Back in 1968 when Lee Kuan Yew was the prime minister of Singapore he made a similar comment when asked by a journalist about brothels in Singapore. He said, "there are no brothels in Singapore. They are illegal." It is of course the samme comment ant a piece of faulty philosophy on the part of both Hannah and Mr Lee.
missing letter Y here:
"Proper? I see. The(y) were found with the boy still stuck inside her.
Which is a good way to end this review.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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You say this is not erotica, not designed to stimulate. I would agree with that, it doesn't, but perhaps I'm like the boys think Darby is - past it. Would you consider it pornography? It seems to me to be pornographic in parts. Is it necessarily so? Perhaps that will better able to be judged when we have the whole thing before us. At the moment I can't see how else it could be done.
Best comment for my money isn't one of the "juicy" bits no. It is this:
"They had no relationship, it is forbidden."
Back in 1968 when Lee Kuan Yew was the prime minister of Singapore he made a similar comment when asked by a journalist about brothels in Singapore. He said, "there are no brothels in Singapore. They are illegal." It is of course the samme comment ant a piece of faulty philosophy on the part of both Hannah and Mr Lee.
missing letter Y here:
"Proper? I see. The(y) were found with the boy still stuck inside her.
Which is a good way to end this review.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Jeez, I knew they missing "Y" was somewhere. I remembered it but couldn't find it again.
Great insights. The erotic aspects are incidental to the story or I hope they end up being so. It's just who the people happen to be. It should be more story like now that a crime is introduced. I HOPE! mikey
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi Mikey,
This really is a good read, I love the story line and the each character seems to have an air of mystery hanging over them. Every time I feel I am getting to know a character the plot changes. Very intriguing. I want to keep on reading. There is something going on in that place and It don't feel good. I need to read more.
Great read.
Brenda
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reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Hi Mikey,
This really is a good read, I love the story line and the each character seems to have an air of mystery hanging over them. Every time I feel I am getting to know a character the plot changes. Very intriguing. I want to keep on reading. There is something going on in that place and It don't feel good. I need to read more.
Great read.
Brenda
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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That's just what I want to here. It's a strange write for me. But it's heading in the direction I want now. I really am pleased you're enjoying it. mikey
Comment from DonandVicki
I'm hooked on your story line Mike, Not that I get off on erotic tales any more but you keep me interested in the way that you hold on to the readers attention. Well done.
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reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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I'm hooked on your story line Mike, Not that I get off on erotic tales any more but you keep me interested in the way that you hold on to the readers attention. Well done.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2016
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Awesome. It's not supposed to be erotic, but they keep doing these things. It's going to be more murder mystery now if they can keep focus. HA! mikey