Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Into the Desert"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
34 total reviews
Comment from Douglas Paul
Excellent chapter, my friend. You put just enough detail into the way the escape is unfolding to let me visualize it. I like the way this story is going
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Excellent chapter, my friend. You put just enough detail into the way the escape is unfolding to let me visualize it. I like the way this story is going
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Douglas. I am honored by the six stars and by your kind words, especially from a writer who is caring, versatile and talented.
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello Rhonda,
There is a tense, futuristic feel to this story, which makes it very compelling.
Excellent dialogue and 'showing' rather than 'telling'.
Well done!
Sonali
(g)odforsaken compound."
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Hello Rhonda,
There is a tense, futuristic feel to this story, which makes it very compelling.
Excellent dialogue and 'showing' rather than 'telling'.
Well done!
Sonali
(g)odforsaken compound."
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Thank you, my friend, for the wonderful review!!
I looked up godforsaken/Godforsaken, and it said you could use either form, so I just went with the first one that came to mind. Thanks for bringing it up!
Take care,
Rhonda
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I guess my dictionary is different. Just nitpicking anyway!
Good night, dear. smiles xx
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I decided to look it up online as I didn't want it to be written wrong. If someone else brings it up, too, I'll go ahead and change it. Never worry about nit picking, it helps prune the work. I appreciate it.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Rhonda, this chapter with an excellent storyline kept me reading. I have a feeling in the end that Archie and Ayala are going to become more then antagonists towards each other. This is my romantic side coming out! I really like your character of Sanity. Very wise man for sure. Archie surprises me in how he is doing in this story. Coming from an affluent family, he seems to be adapting very well. All of your dialogue truly adds a great dimension to this chapter. As always Rhonda, you create such entertaining stories my friend!
Take care and enjoy your day,
Love you my friend
Jim
PS, I'm having surgery tomorrow at 12:30 my time. I'm a little nervous, but I will be OK!
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Rhonda, this chapter with an excellent storyline kept me reading. I have a feeling in the end that Archie and Ayala are going to become more then antagonists towards each other. This is my romantic side coming out! I really like your character of Sanity. Very wise man for sure. Archie surprises me in how he is doing in this story. Coming from an affluent family, he seems to be adapting very well. All of your dialogue truly adds a great dimension to this chapter. As always Rhonda, you create such entertaining stories my friend!
Take care and enjoy your day,
Love you my friend
Jim
PS, I'm having surgery tomorrow at 12:30 my time. I'm a little nervous, but I will be OK!
Comment Written 30-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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I will be in prayer for you for your surgery. I know you've got this, my dear friend.
Let me know how it goes!!
Thank you for the brilliant review. It is positive and uplifting.
Love and hugs, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from Commando
Another awesome chapter to your novel "Humanity Project." Your imaginative mind, always amazes me. Your father, God bless him, certainly passed on "his storytelling gene" to you. I'm anxiously awaiting your continuation. "Keep on writing," and I'll "Keep on reading!" Best wishes, "Beautiful!" Bill
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Another awesome chapter to your novel "Humanity Project." Your imaginative mind, always amazes me. Your father, God bless him, certainly passed on "his storytelling gene" to you. I'm anxiously awaiting your continuation. "Keep on writing," and I'll "Keep on reading!" Best wishes, "Beautiful!" Bill
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Bill, for the brilliant six stars. You're a sweetheart! I appreciate your support and comments.
Thank you for your comment about my father's imagination. That, curly hair and loads of energy are about all I got from him. lol.
Otherwise, I look just like my mother.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Mabaker
This is the first part of this story I have read and I enjoyed it. I will you in and read more so I can get a full view of the story and will then review it honestly, though from what I read you don't need reviewing. Well done Regards Mabaker
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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This is the first part of this story I have read and I enjoyed it. I will you in and read more so I can get a full view of the story and will then review it honestly, though from what I read you don't need reviewing. Well done Regards Mabaker
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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We can always use reviewing, my friend!! All eyes on deck help improve work, even if it's to let me know what parts you liked, then I know what to increase in the next chapter.
I am so thrilled to have you read!
Take care, and please come back and read again,
Rhonda
Comment from lyenochka
Great progress in the escape! I enjoy the Sani character very much. He does come across as a wise and interesting old man. Good interactions between him and Archie showcasing their differences. Poor Ayala didn't get to say much. Glad she got untied!
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Great progress in the escape! I enjoy the Sani character very much. He does come across as a wise and interesting old man. Good interactions between him and Archie showcasing their differences. Poor Ayala didn't get to say much. Glad she got untied!
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Thanks so much for the helpful review. Ayala will get plenty of time to talk later, and she's going to be very ticked off!! As can be expected. She'll be glad to know you're on her side. haha.
Thank you again,
Rhonda
Comment from Lu Saluna
This was a really good chapter. The escape was well choreographed. I like Sani's character. He kind of reminds me of Yoda, older and wise.
So far so good, they are off to a bit of a head start.
This chapter read very well and was extremely engaging from top to bottom.
I am really enjoying this book.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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This was a really good chapter. The escape was well choreographed. I like Sani's character. He kind of reminds me of Yoda, older and wise.
So far so good, they are off to a bit of a head start.
This chapter read very well and was extremely engaging from top to bottom.
I am really enjoying this book.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Lu!!
Sani is a bit like Yoda, isn't he? Somewhere between Yoda and Gandalf. Gotta have a wise one somewhere, right? They are all so young, I had to balance out their youth.
Thank you again, so very much,
Rhonda
Comment from emptypage
Oh, wow, they actually got out. Not far enough, I know, but out, just the same.
I really have a feeling about Archie's dad. I'm not certain where any foreshadowing might be, or if there isn't any and I'm dead wrong.
In any case, the writing is clear and concise, as always, and the story has me hanging on. Can't wait for the next installment.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Oh, wow, they actually got out. Not far enough, I know, but out, just the same.
I really have a feeling about Archie's dad. I'm not certain where any foreshadowing might be, or if there isn't any and I'm dead wrong.
In any case, the writing is clear and concise, as always, and the story has me hanging on. Can't wait for the next installment.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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There's foreshadowing all over the place in this book, and things slowly unfold,. Good job picking up on some of it.
Thank you for the wonderful review, it really is helpful to know what works.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from TheWriteTeach
Oh, Rhonda, this chapter is fantastic. It is very well written! I love what you've done with the tag lines. The writing is much stronger, don't you think? I love that Sani is not tip-toeing around Archie's feelings and is telling it like it is. You've made me care about the characters, and have done a good job at giving them depth. You've stayed well focused and did not digress with unnecessary information. All-in-all, this chapter was stellar.
I didn't pick up on any spags. There are two things I want to mention.
"She's sort of a hostile participant," (I love this. It says so much. It's also funny.)
and in a pinch, we can distill our own urine to make fresh water. (Oh, YUCK! I'd go thirsty first.)
Wonder job with this chapter, Rhonda. It truly is stellar.
Suzanne
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Oh, Rhonda, this chapter is fantastic. It is very well written! I love what you've done with the tag lines. The writing is much stronger, don't you think? I love that Sani is not tip-toeing around Archie's feelings and is telling it like it is. You've made me care about the characters, and have done a good job at giving them depth. You've stayed well focused and did not digress with unnecessary information. All-in-all, this chapter was stellar.
I didn't pick up on any spags. There are two things I want to mention.
"She's sort of a hostile participant," (I love this. It says so much. It's also funny.)
and in a pinch, we can distill our own urine to make fresh water. (Oh, YUCK! I'd go thirsty first.)
Wonder job with this chapter, Rhonda. It truly is stellar.
Suzanne
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Suzanne!! You have honored me with the six stars. What a blessing, and no Spag?? I think that may have been the second time ever!! I did make one change another reviewer mentioned, and I thought I'd ask you about it. They said alright should be changed to all right. I did it, but want your advice.
Also, yes, I do like the way the chapter reads changing the speech tags around to make them stronger statements. I think I finally get it, though I'll still keep focusing on it when revising.
Thank you over and over again,
Rhonda
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I'm glad my advice helped, and you are most welcome, over and over again! :o)
The other reviewer was correct, 'alright' should be two words - 'all right.' The World Book dictionary actually has 'alright' listed, but states the correct spelling is 'all right.'
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Okay, and now I know. Actually Okay is another one I had to learn early on. I always put OK, apparently not okay!
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda--and I have a question about it; what will they use for going to the bathroom, a Sani-Can'? Woo!, I'm all over that joke like a cheap suit, wooo!
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Another fine chapter, Rhonda--and I have a question about it; what will they use for going to the bathroom, a Sani-Can'? Woo!, I'm all over that joke like a cheap suit, wooo!
Comment Written 29-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2017
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Haha... Good idea. I'll suggest it to them. Right now, they have one giant sandbox at their disposal. haha.
Take care, Mike!