Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Flight From the Road"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
29 total reviews
Comment from Lu Saluna
I am really enjoying your book. It is an eye opener. Particularly for those who can't see past the "perfect human". If there ever was such a thing. This perception comes from so many sources which are why so many countries slaughter those they deem different in so many ways. From those who have disabilities, the wrong look, the wrong attitude including all the items you mentioned above.
I can't imagine the "hay-day" scientists would have if they found a group of people who had some animal DNA (or any other kind of anomaly) in them. They would never be allowed to live in peace. I am looking forward to your book being nominated for book of the month again.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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I am really enjoying your book. It is an eye opener. Particularly for those who can't see past the "perfect human". If there ever was such a thing. This perception comes from so many sources which are why so many countries slaughter those they deem different in so many ways. From those who have disabilities, the wrong look, the wrong attitude including all the items you mentioned above.
I can't imagine the "hay-day" scientists would have if they found a group of people who had some animal DNA (or any other kind of anomaly) in them. They would never be allowed to live in peace. I am looking forward to your book being nominated for book of the month again.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Aww, Lu, that is so sweet! You're right about the reaction of the world to anyone who doesn't fit their idea of "normal" and how badly these people are treated. Thank you for looking at the deeper message of this book.
Thank you, as well, for the uplifting review, and for the beautiful six stars!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Ayala's eyes flicked up at Archie as though looking to see if he had heard the remark. He didn't look their way, but Ayala was sure he had hesitated a fraction of a second from digging. She couldn't help but wonder what he really thought about her and her people, and, when it came down to it, if she really cared?So wonderful, I adore this story and your writing and this did not dissapoint, amazing love meia x
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Ayala's eyes flicked up at Archie as though looking to see if he had heard the remark. He didn't look their way, but Ayala was sure he had hesitated a fraction of a second from digging. She couldn't help but wonder what he really thought about her and her people, and, when it came down to it, if she really cared?So wonderful, I adore this story and your writing and this did not dissapoint, amazing love meia x
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Meia!!! You're a sweetheart!
Rhonda
Comment from Jay Squires
It's good to be back reading one of your posts again, Rhonda. You are such a good writer. In most of my reviews, I look for indications of talent peeping through the lines so I can offer encouragement. In your case, I have no need of doing that. You've obviously paid your dues by putting in a lot of hours of study to get you where you are now. For the most part, I let the storyline carry me along with it. It's easy with your characterization ... and your spot-on dialogue that lifts each character up from the page, separating him or her from the rest. Books don't teach that. Hard work and experimentation does.
Here are a few considerations:
The team traveled north for several nights with no sign of pursuit, and very little of relief. [There is something troubling to me about "no sign of pursuit." There must be a word out there meaning "the results of their pursuit," because just going after whomever they are going after is a "sign of pursuit".
"So, we won't be drinking our urine, then?" ["So," along with "and," "but," "for," "nor," and "yet" are coordinating conjunctions and you never follow them with commas.]
Sani's torch illuminated the landscape and gave the illusion of cacti dancing in the moonlight. [Great visual, Rhonda!]
her strong voice cutting though the night air [Oops ... "cutting THROUGH the night air ...]
There was no warmth . . . no love. [There is no space between the dots in an ellipsis, though you're correct in having one before and after.]
Everyone stopped and examined their surroundings [This is the problem with using "Everyone," when referring to a group of people. "Everyone" takes the singular complement of "his" and "hers." That said, I think everyone agrees it's a stupid grammatical rule. If you started with "They" or "They all," then "their" would work fine.]
I'll put the torch in the middle [Just as a point of curiosity, the first time you used "torch" in this, I had to check your profile to see if I'd been wrong about you being from the U.S. So why don't you use "flashlight?" I'm just curious, not criticizing.]
Again, it was a joy to read your writing, Rhonda. I'll try not to be a stranger.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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It's good to be back reading one of your posts again, Rhonda. You are such a good writer. In most of my reviews, I look for indications of talent peeping through the lines so I can offer encouragement. In your case, I have no need of doing that. You've obviously paid your dues by putting in a lot of hours of study to get you where you are now. For the most part, I let the storyline carry me along with it. It's easy with your characterization ... and your spot-on dialogue that lifts each character up from the page, separating him or her from the rest. Books don't teach that. Hard work and experimentation does.
Here are a few considerations:
The team traveled north for several nights with no sign of pursuit, and very little of relief. [There is something troubling to me about "no sign of pursuit." There must be a word out there meaning "the results of their pursuit," because just going after whomever they are going after is a "sign of pursuit".
"So, we won't be drinking our urine, then?" ["So," along with "and," "but," "for," "nor," and "yet" are coordinating conjunctions and you never follow them with commas.]
Sani's torch illuminated the landscape and gave the illusion of cacti dancing in the moonlight. [Great visual, Rhonda!]
her strong voice cutting though the night air [Oops ... "cutting THROUGH the night air ...]
There was no warmth . . . no love. [There is no space between the dots in an ellipsis, though you're correct in having one before and after.]
Everyone stopped and examined their surroundings [This is the problem with using "Everyone," when referring to a group of people. "Everyone" takes the singular complement of "his" and "hers." That said, I think everyone agrees it's a stupid grammatical rule. If you started with "They" or "They all," then "their" would work fine.]
I'll put the torch in the middle [Just as a point of curiosity, the first time you used "torch" in this, I had to check your profile to see if I'd been wrong about you being from the U.S. So why don't you use "flashlight?" I'm just curious, not criticizing.]
Again, it was a joy to read your writing, Rhonda. I'll try not to be a stranger.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2017
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Hi Jay!!
Wow, you are so knowledgeable on grammar!!! I learn a lot from your reviews, and I feel uplifted. You do a wonderful job of making sure I don't feel criticized, just helped.
I fixed the mistakes, but didn't know what to do on the "signs of pursuit". I'll have to think about it.
On the torch, it is literally a torch, one Sani made from brush. It was mentioned in an earlier chapter. haha. I should explain that better. Of course, he doesn't want to make a campfire to boil water, but uses a torch. hmmm.
On the ellipse thing, I get comment when I do it either way. If I don't put spaces, someone tells me to put them in, and visa versa. I give up. haha.
I do so appreciate you, my friend!!
Take care,
Rhonda
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In the UK, one doesn't space before or after the ellipsis. Here we do. The EM dash (--) is just the opposite: Here we don't space. There they do. If you're interested in a brief explanation, check out this site: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/marks/ellipsis.htm. You'll have to paste it to your browser.
Thanks for the explanation on the torch.
Jay
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Okay, thanks, Jay!!
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, it's such a love story and the concept is really interesting. The dialogue is great. You really do write that very well. Maybe a little more on the descriptive/imagery side wouldn't be amiss. I love the story. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Hi Rhonda, it's such a love story and the concept is really interesting. The dialogue is great. You really do write that very well. Maybe a little more on the descriptive/imagery side wouldn't be amiss. I love the story. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you, Ulla. Yeah, I struggle with remembering to add imagery. I tend toward dialogue, which is good, but can't tell the whole story.
Thank you for your review and advice,
Rhonda
Comment from royowen
I really liked the relational interaction between Archie and the girls, comparing differences, and discovering there were little such things. Distilling the water is very clever, you must have put some research into these things Rhonda. It's obviously best to factualise your stories, and you've done it rather well, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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I really liked the relational interaction between Archie and the girls, comparing differences, and discovering there were little such things. Distilling the water is very clever, you must have put some research into these things Rhonda. It's obviously best to factualise your stories, and you've done it rather well, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the wonderful review, Roy. I did do research for this book. I went to New Mexico and Colorado for onsite observations, and I had a woman who trained under a survival expert to help me with "how to". I'm sure Feral could advise me on this as well, but he's been a bit out of pocket lately.
Again, much thanks,
Rhonda
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Poor boy, well done
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Thank you!
Comment from emptypage
Beautiful imagery here: "A soft glow from Sani's torch illuminated the landscape and gave the illusion of cacti dancing in the moonlight. Adding to the ambiance was a cool breeze wafting across sweat dampened skin, and tossing tangled amber curls." Some of the best I've seen.
Oh, dear. This sounds like me: "I'm always right." Archie smiled.
You just gave me a story to write!
Of course Ayala and Archie are falling for each other! We knew this was coming. "We" being your readers. Your foreshadowing is excellent.
I hate that Ayala feels so bad about the "animal" thing. Archie did say at one point that we are all animals, right? I hope she will lose the self-loathing over time.
I love that your characters are so well-drawn that I am worrying about them.
Excellent post. Very educational, too.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Beautiful imagery here: "A soft glow from Sani's torch illuminated the landscape and gave the illusion of cacti dancing in the moonlight. Adding to the ambiance was a cool breeze wafting across sweat dampened skin, and tossing tangled amber curls." Some of the best I've seen.
Oh, dear. This sounds like me: "I'm always right." Archie smiled.
You just gave me a story to write!
Of course Ayala and Archie are falling for each other! We knew this was coming. "We" being your readers. Your foreshadowing is excellent.
I hate that Ayala feels so bad about the "animal" thing. Archie did say at one point that we are all animals, right? I hope she will lose the self-loathing over time.
I love that your characters are so well-drawn that I am worrying about them.
Excellent post. Very educational, too.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Awww, thank you for the stars and the remarks!! All are so encouraging.
I have to work on adding imagery, because my inclination is to stick with conversation. So, thank you for commenting on it.
The self loathing is the fault of the people who bred them. They made them hate animals as a further way to control them in case they did find out what was going on. It's something Ayala, in particular, has problems with. Koko, not so much.
I can't wait to read your story!! I patterned the "always right" after my own son. Haha. About the only negative comments his teachers would make was that he was arrogant. I was like, "try living with him". I blame his older sister who babied him. She still does!!
Thanks, again, for the wonderful and uplifting review,
Rhonda
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. This is a smoothly written story. I'm enjoying every word you write. It is hard to imagine people being a part animal for experimental purposes.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Excellent. This is a smoothly written story. I'm enjoying every word you write. It is hard to imagine people being a part animal for experimental purposes.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much, and it is a hard thing to imagine, especially since it's been done before. At least the experimenting...
I appreciate your time and effort in reviewing,
Rhonda
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Rhonda, I try to save a six for this exceptional story you are writing. This one has such a depth to it with all the conversations going on amongst the four of them. Koko has always appreciated Archie, but Ayala was very indifferent towards him in the beginning. She looked at him as an enemy, but in fact the whole environment he was held were the enemy. Now, there is this softness that is between them. omg, I am such a romantic that I want these two to become more then friends in the end.
Thank you for another great chapter/story. You my friend are brilliant with telling and composing stories.
Always your friend
Jim
I am about to write chapter 29 in this book that I am writing. I don't think that I will attempt to see if it is worth publishing. Part of the first chapter is me and the rest is pure fiction.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Rhonda, I try to save a six for this exceptional story you are writing. This one has such a depth to it with all the conversations going on amongst the four of them. Koko has always appreciated Archie, but Ayala was very indifferent towards him in the beginning. She looked at him as an enemy, but in fact the whole environment he was held were the enemy. Now, there is this softness that is between them. omg, I am such a romantic that I want these two to become more then friends in the end.
Thank you for another great chapter/story. You my friend are brilliant with telling and composing stories.
Always your friend
Jim
I am about to write chapter 29 in this book that I am writing. I don't think that I will attempt to see if it is worth publishing. Part of the first chapter is me and the rest is pure fiction.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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You are so sweet, Jim. I love it when you stop by to review. You are uplifting and supportive, and take time to pick out what you like.
Keep your fingers crossed on the romance.... you are such a romantic!
Your friend,
Rhonda
Comment from Sankey
Another good chapter. Not sure if I missed any but glad I came in, anyway. I do look forward to where this is going and getting the plot fixed in my mind. Thanks again. No spags.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Another good chapter. Not sure if I missed any but glad I came in, anyway. I do look forward to where this is going and getting the plot fixed in my mind. Thanks again. No spags.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you! I think you've reviewed on this series before, but not sure. I'm especially thankful when you look in on my other book as it is non fiction, and I know you write nonfiction sometimes as well.
Again, much thanks,
Rhonda
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Hi friend I am not into writing Fiction...wish I was I do mostly do poems plays and Non-Fiction as you sai.
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It's funny, but when I decided to write that book, I thought about you, and hoped you would look in on it as you are so good with nonfiction!
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Well I just did look in on the one about your recovery from your accident.
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Thanks, I just saw that, and answered. I do appreciate your help!
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I like how you addressed the water problem.....
Distill - is double "l" right? - it's distil in my dictionary
her strong voice cutting though - through
about martial arts anyway?(")
Most entertaining, Rhonda, the speech flowing naturally - with even a little humour injected
Had I six it would be yours - gone so quickly this week.
Margaret
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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I like how you addressed the water problem.....
Distill - is double "l" right? - it's distil in my dictionary
her strong voice cutting though - through
about martial arts anyway?(")
Most entertaining, Rhonda, the speech flowing naturally - with even a little humour injected
Had I six it would be yours - gone so quickly this week.
Margaret
Comment Written 21-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you for the virtual six. Yes, mine were gone by yesterday this week. I usually try to hold onto one or two, but away they flew!
I looked up distill, and it showed both spellings, so I guess we're okay either way. Thanks for pointing it out, though!
I'll fix the other problems, thanks!
Rhonda