Humanity Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Hard Truths"A science fiction book about genetic engineering.
25 total reviews
Comment from LaRosa
Easy, enjoyable banter going on...love interest?
I didn't know that about tunneling in mines. My first question was the same as Ayala's.
You have an art for weaving social lessons into conversation.
Well done.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
  |
Easy, enjoyable banter going on...love interest?
I didn't know that about tunneling in mines. My first question was the same as Ayala's.
You have an art for weaving social lessons into conversation.
Well done.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
-
I did a lot of research for this book, and had a survival expert helping me with all the survival stuff. I didn't know most of that, either.
Thank you for taking time to read and review. Oh, and I'm not telling on the love interest. haha.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
I love the interaction between the players that makes it so real and like we know them personally. Is he going to use them as a story? I thought he loved them
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
|
I love the interaction between the players that makes it so real and like we know them personally. Is he going to use them as a story? I thought he loved them
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
-
What do you mean, "Is he going to use them as a story?" I'm guessing, no, if you mean Archie, because he is all behind them. Thanks for your review,
Rhonda
-
It was just one comment that he made that it would be a different story. So just was wondering, I felt he was sincere so did not think he would be one to use the situation.
-
Oh, no, he was just using a figure of speech. He has nothing but the best of intentions. He's a protective man and feels compassion for their situation.
Thanks for reading.
Rhonda
-
That is what I hoped. Cause I was liking him.lol
Comment from Lu Saluna
I look forward to seeing your name pop up in my message box!
Great chapter. The dynamics of the relationships are complicated. I can see the complexities of trust and doubt. It would be such a shock to find out one's DNA is mix with that of animals and for it to be discovered by the rest of "normal" society. I use the term "normal" very loosely here. Society is very harsh and judgemental. I don't see any society making it easy for them to be welcomed. Not at least without being poked and prodded at.
Another amazing chapter.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
|
I look forward to seeing your name pop up in my message box!
Great chapter. The dynamics of the relationships are complicated. I can see the complexities of trust and doubt. It would be such a shock to find out one's DNA is mix with that of animals and for it to be discovered by the rest of "normal" society. I use the term "normal" very loosely here. Society is very harsh and judgemental. I don't see any society making it easy for them to be welcomed. Not at least without being poked and prodded at.
Another amazing chapter.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
-
Thank you, Lu! That is so sweet. I look forward to your work, as well. You are a wonderful writer, and I am honored by your time and attention.
You're right about society. It is very judgmental, and change isn't easily acceptable.
Thank you for your time, honesty, and review.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Heidi M
Loved Ayala's humor when she decided to be nice and not ask Sani if he knew from personal experience about caveman days.
Good dialogue between Archie and Ayala.
my b(r)others to taekwondo
'Tell me the truth, Archie, now that you know the truth about me and Koko'. You might consider using 'truth' only once here. Perhaps 'Be honest with me, Archie. Now that you know the truth about Koko and me, what...'
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
|
Loved Ayala's humor when she decided to be nice and not ask Sani if he knew from personal experience about caveman days.
Good dialogue between Archie and Ayala.
my b(r)others to taekwondo
'Tell me the truth, Archie, now that you know the truth about me and Koko'. You might consider using 'truth' only once here. Perhaps 'Be honest with me, Archie. Now that you know the truth about Koko and me, what...'
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
-
Thank you, Heidi! You are so right about both mistakes. I appreciate you pointing them out so I can correct them
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from royowen
I watched a film devoted to the early days of eugenics, (the practise and study of advancing and improving the human gene pool, by matching talented and intelligent humans by a planned mating method) it has since been proven to return offspring to the norm, disproving evolution as a reliable theory, (as if we didn't already know!) great episode Rhonda, Ayala discussing things with Archie, knowing they'll come under the microscope, (Koko and Ayala)
Typo : Or went with me and my (bothers) to taekwondo. Brothers?
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
 |
I watched a film devoted to the early days of eugenics, (the practise and study of advancing and improving the human gene pool, by matching talented and intelligent humans by a planned mating method) it has since been proven to return offspring to the norm, disproving evolution as a reliable theory, (as if we didn't already know!) great episode Rhonda, Ayala discussing things with Archie, knowing they'll come under the microscope, (Koko and Ayala)
Typo : Or went with me and my (bothers) to taekwondo. Brothers?
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
-
Thank you for the wonderful six stars, Roy, and for the discussion of eugenics. That was interesting and informative. I agree with you on evolution. Some people believe science and religion are in opposition, but I don't think so. I know many scientists who believe their studies show there is an Omniscient Being in charge of organizing our environment.
As always, thank you for your wonderful review.
Take care,
Rhonda
-
Well done Rhonda, well. Deserved
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Rhonda,
You may want to think about inserting some direction or action to go with the dialogue in the earlier sections here. It feels a little bit like 'talking heads'. I used to do this all the time. It is very rare for nothing to happening at all when two people talk, especially if involved in some kind of activity such as digging a hole. It just breaks up the narrative. It's like too many long or short sentences in conjunction with one another, the dialogue starts to blend and the reader can get numb to it. I usually write the dialogue and then go back and examine the scene and work out the mechanics, if anyone is moving, fiddling, sharing glances etc. - Your section here runs to 366 words of just dialogue back and forth. In a manuscript that is over a full page with nothing else happening except talk. - just an observation to do with what you will! :)
I have to admit to wondering what happened to all of the dug out earth? It could easily be seen if left around and would be a different colour. Have you watched 'the Great Escape'? They went to great lengths about its dispersal.
"It won't last long, will it? - need closing speech marks here.
"Well, at least you were busy." - from this section of dialogue here you only have dialogue again for 504 words this time with no other thing happening apart from one touch of a shoulder. I do think you should look at this.
Nice elements of backstory and family dynamics revealed here, furthering the character of Archie.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
|
Hi Rhonda,
You may want to think about inserting some direction or action to go with the dialogue in the earlier sections here. It feels a little bit like 'talking heads'. I used to do this all the time. It is very rare for nothing to happening at all when two people talk, especially if involved in some kind of activity such as digging a hole. It just breaks up the narrative. It's like too many long or short sentences in conjunction with one another, the dialogue starts to blend and the reader can get numb to it. I usually write the dialogue and then go back and examine the scene and work out the mechanics, if anyone is moving, fiddling, sharing glances etc. - Your section here runs to 366 words of just dialogue back and forth. In a manuscript that is over a full page with nothing else happening except talk. - just an observation to do with what you will! :)
I have to admit to wondering what happened to all of the dug out earth? It could easily be seen if left around and would be a different colour. Have you watched 'the Great Escape'? They went to great lengths about its dispersal.
"It won't last long, will it? - need closing speech marks here.
"Well, at least you were busy." - from this section of dialogue here you only have dialogue again for 504 words this time with no other thing happening apart from one touch of a shoulder. I do think you should look at this.
Nice elements of backstory and family dynamics revealed here, furthering the character of Archie.
All the best
G
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
-
Thank you, G-Man! You are so right about more description. I went back and added some after reading this, but I'm still getting comments there was too much dialogue. I don't know what my problem was. I guess I just was in the mood to talk.
I'm going to work on it for the next chapter. Thanks for the "heads up" on it. It'll help me plan the next one.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Rasmine
Good dialogue. I like the way they seem to get closer, I'm wondering if there will be a romance there? Or does Archie have other thoughts?
Well, keep on writing!
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
|
Good dialogue. I like the way they seem to get closer, I'm wondering if there will be a romance there? Or does Archie have other thoughts?
Well, keep on writing!
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
-
Archie has lots of thoughts, but I'm pretty sure he's sweet on Ayala. Now, is she ready to reciprocate?? Not so sure.
Take care,
Rhonda
-
We will find out! :P
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
How frightening that would be, to sleep down in a dirt hole. I would be claustrophobic and could not do it. These are brave, capable people. I hope they succeed. :)
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
|
How frightening that would be, to sleep down in a dirt hole. I would be claustrophobic and could not do it. These are brave, capable people. I hope they succeed. :)
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
-
Aside from Sani, they are also young enough to be flexible. haha. I'm not sure I could do it, either.
Thank you so much,
Rhonda
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Another great chapter, Rhonda, with
Archie and Ayala starting to bond, altho
Ayala'a a bit apprehensive.
His small shovel moved through the virgin soil as easily as beach sand. - great descriptive line.
Blessings,
Margaret
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
|
Another great chapter, Rhonda, with
Archie and Ayala starting to bond, altho
Ayala'a a bit apprehensive.
His small shovel moved through the virgin soil as easily as beach sand. - great descriptive line.
Blessings,
Margaret
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
-
Thank you, Margaret. I so appreciate your time and consideration.
Have a great week,
Rhonda
Comment from Douglas Paul
I just love this story, my friend. This was another great chapter. I like getting to know the characters better and what their thoughts are. Well written with great flow as usual
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
|
I just love this story, my friend. This was another great chapter. I like getting to know the characters better and what their thoughts are. Well written with great flow as usual
Comment Written 26-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2017
-
Thank you, Douglas. I appreciate the beautiful six stars, and the wonderful review, my friend!!
Hope all is going well for you,
Rhonda