He Broke My Heart
Stand in my shoes31 total reviews
Comment from His Grayness
Sure wish I had six stars for this really powerful and gripping work deep with sincerity and generous compassion. As a vet myself, yet thankfully not homeless, I do appreciate the love this poet has shared so graciously. Blessings and hugs to you dear one! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
  |
Sure wish I had six stars for this really powerful and gripping work deep with sincerity and generous compassion. As a vet myself, yet thankfully not homeless, I do appreciate the love this poet has shared so graciously. Blessings and hugs to you dear one! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
Comment Written 21-Apr-2017
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written freeform poem. Sometimes we meet someone we feel connected to immediately, but we can also sense it will not last, and we say goodbye with a heavy heart.
|
A very well-written freeform poem. Sometimes we meet someone we feel connected to immediately, but we can also sense it will not last, and we say goodbye with a heavy heart.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2017
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for transporting us to share your experience of "crossing" worlds with another human being. I admired your detailed description of the man and your revealing a bit more about him in the senryu. Cheers- Joan
|
Thank you for transporting us to share your experience of "crossing" worlds with another human being. I admired your detailed description of the man and your revealing a bit more about him in the senryu. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting Memorable(freeform) you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. I liked the story in this poem you penned. Great job! Blessings, Teri
|
This is a very interesting Memorable(freeform) you have penned. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery. I liked the story in this poem you penned. Great job! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
Comment from Nika2016
I am giving six stars for the depth of the humanity in the writing...This seems very personal Jimi...It is so sad and made me want to become an advocate for the homeless...
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
 |
I am giving six stars for the depth of the humanity in the writing...This seems very personal Jimi...It is so sad and made me want to become an advocate for the homeless...
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
-
Nika,
How are you dear friend. It has been a while since we have talked. I meant to send a reply to your p.m. Thank you for liking my new blonde hair!!! A first for me. Still getting use to it.
And and a big thank you for the review. I appreciate your input so very much. This was my experience yesterday. I went to have lunch with my daughter at her office Regional which sits on the corner of the feeder of the freeway and a cross street. He resides there. I had seen him many times. There is something about people which move me to act. I brought him a hamburger and coke, plus a book I had in my car called The Slight Edge. I just walked across the street and struck up a conversation while my daughter was finishing up before her break. I wanted to take his picture, but I felt it would be inappropriate to ask. I didn't want him to feel uneasy. He was a very nice gentleman, Wish I could have done more.
Once again a huge thank you Nika. Please post soon.
Jimi
Comment from Wabigoon
Hi Jimi--
Thought your weren't gonna do this? This has a lot going for it and I think I can see it comes from that weird form from...Pantygynt, yes?
A few things I noted:
Broad shoulders bent (ever so a) tad. Clumsy, "bent just a tad, bent a tad, etc. Too many words.
but still staunch enough to (detect) a certain pride. Some trouble with this word choice. Staunch enough to reflect a certain pride, to project a certain pride. Again, seems clumsy.
Poem has a nice flavor, like a camping trip on the moors or something.
Sorry, no sixes. The typeface is obnoxious.
Best
Jeff
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
|
Hi Jimi--
Thought your weren't gonna do this? This has a lot going for it and I think I can see it comes from that weird form from...Pantygynt, yes?
A few things I noted:
Broad shoulders bent (ever so a) tad. Clumsy, "bent just a tad, bent a tad, etc. Too many words.
but still staunch enough to (detect) a certain pride. Some trouble with this word choice. Staunch enough to reflect a certain pride, to project a certain pride. Again, seems clumsy.
Poem has a nice flavor, like a camping trip on the moors or something.
Sorry, no sixes. The typeface is obnoxious.
Best
Jeff
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
-
Jeff, my wonderful friend.. welllll yes I said no more writing. But this just moved me beyond words. I had to write about it. No, I do not think it is a form that Jim created.
As for the font, I wrote in in about 15 minutes from my cell phone, si it was hard to controll the font. Thank you for your wonderful suggestions. I will change.
your friend and fan always with deep respect... Jimi
Comment from Kingsrookviii
Jesus, to take time and talk to people like that is more than commendable; it's rare and all telling about your compassion. You never know with people in that position what you will face or what response that you'll get. I think it is admirable to venture out and do such a thing. I do that too and I had a similar thing awhile back. I brushed up against real poverty, probably not a vet, but a great soul and it was a thing that I'll never forget. I was in a lot larger town than where I live and saw a different type of poverty than is common is a small community. Anyway, you got me thinking as usual and in a good way. Please take care, my great friend. Later. Bruce.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
|
Jesus, to take time and talk to people like that is more than commendable; it's rare and all telling about your compassion. You never know with people in that position what you will face or what response that you'll get. I think it is admirable to venture out and do such a thing. I do that too and I had a similar thing awhile back. I brushed up against real poverty, probably not a vet, but a great soul and it was a thing that I'll never forget. I was in a lot larger town than where I live and saw a different type of poverty than is common is a small community. Anyway, you got me thinking as usual and in a good way. Please take care, my great friend. Later. Bruce.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
-
Bruce,
A big thank you for this review. You humble me once again. This was written in about 15 minutes from my cell phone, so did not have a lot of artistic control.
This was my experience yesterday. I went to have lunch with my daughter at her office Regional which sits on the corner of the feeder of the freeway and a cross street. He resides there. I had seen him many times. There is something about people which move me to act. I brought him a hamburger and coke, plus a book I had in my car called The Slight Edge. I just walked across the street and struck up a conversation while my daughter was finishing up before her break. I wanted to take his picture, but I felt it would be inappropriate to ask. I didn't want him to feel uneasy. He was a very nice gentleman, Wish I could have done more.
Again, thank you
Your friend always, Jimi
Comment from Father Flaps
Oh, this is the highlight of my day, Jimi! I was so glad to see your name in my messages. And this moment in time, this chance meeting with a homeless veteran, the impact on your soul, it so reminded me of the poem I wrote a few years back. Let me find it... it's called "Hungry and Homeless":
Last minute shopping is for the birds. Every Christmas I make it a goal to finish buying gifts early so I can enjoy those last days before December 25th... taking the dogs for a walk to see the decorations, watching "A Christmas Carol", "Prancer", and "It's A Wonderful Life" while munching short bread cookies and fruit cake, and taking in the Sunday School Christmas pageant.
But here I was at Brunswick Square in uptown Saint John, riding the escalator down, watching Santa entertain the kids below while a photographer snapped pictures.
The eatery was busy, as usual, and I love to sit with a hot chocolate and study the crowds. I'm a professional people watcher. After a few minutes, I observed a young man come in from the cold and stand at the back of the line for McDonalds. He checked his pockets, and then began searching through a raggedy old hockey bag.
Is he looking for money? I wondered. He's homeless. When was the last time he'd eaten?
I figured he'd look for a handout. He was walking away from the fast food joints, and I thought, What if he comes my way? I checked my pockets for coins, but realized he'd need more than $2.00 to buy an egg burger and coffee. I knew there was a twenty in my wallet. Should I walk over there and give it to him? My head told me to mind my own business. My heart urged me to buy him breakfast. Am I the only one who noticed him?
I hesitated, and when I looked again, he was gone. I had lost him in the crowd. Feeling somewhat guilty at my lack of action, I took a brisk walk around the food court. However, he was nowhere to be seen. I'd missed my chance.
Later on, as I left Brunswick Square and headed to the City Market, I saw him there by the entrance. He was playing a child's xylophone, the most awesome Christmas music you ever heard, plunked out for nickels and dimes. I dropped my money on his coat he'd placed in front of him, and gave him a smile while tears blurred my vision.
As I made my way up the centre aisle of Pete's Frootique, I glanced back through shoppers closing in behind me. Others were stooping to add their money to mine, and I felt a certain warmth knowing that he'd soon have his first meal of the day.
(This actually happened in December 2012. But I was reminded of it this past weekend. Again, I was shopping uptown with my wife. There was a young man playing a flute on the corner in below zero temperature. Christmas music that kept his fingers cold.)
***********************************************
Isn't it peculiar, Jimi, how these people cross our paths. Is it a test? Perhaps they are angels, and we don't realize it. I told the family about this chance meeting at the dinner on Christmas Day. My kids and my mother-in-law were there too. And when I finished the story, I had to leave the table because I didn't want them to see a grown man with tears in his eyes. I have so much, and they have so little. It isn't right.
***********************************************
I love your story. This haibun is perfect. I like the choppiness of it. You create some great imagery...
"Thunder rumbled. Rain began to fall gently. He folded his day's advertisement with skill. Invited me to sit. This humble abode. Scattered paper cups. Discarded butts. A rumpled newspaper weighted by a special cap."
and even in the haiku ending,
"priceless belongings
held in a grocery cart"
I especially like this line,
"Often,I fall to shattered." ... I have experienced this exact same thing, Jimi. Are we too soft in a hard-boiled world?
Love this simile,
"His face mapped like the rugged terrain of a hard fought war."
and the personification here,
"His well worn chambray shirt begged mending."
*****************************************
Jimi, did you dye your hair??? I hope this means you're coming back more regularly to Fanstory. I miss you and your talent.
Big Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
|
Oh, this is the highlight of my day, Jimi! I was so glad to see your name in my messages. And this moment in time, this chance meeting with a homeless veteran, the impact on your soul, it so reminded me of the poem I wrote a few years back. Let me find it... it's called "Hungry and Homeless":
Last minute shopping is for the birds. Every Christmas I make it a goal to finish buying gifts early so I can enjoy those last days before December 25th... taking the dogs for a walk to see the decorations, watching "A Christmas Carol", "Prancer", and "It's A Wonderful Life" while munching short bread cookies and fruit cake, and taking in the Sunday School Christmas pageant.
But here I was at Brunswick Square in uptown Saint John, riding the escalator down, watching Santa entertain the kids below while a photographer snapped pictures.
The eatery was busy, as usual, and I love to sit with a hot chocolate and study the crowds. I'm a professional people watcher. After a few minutes, I observed a young man come in from the cold and stand at the back of the line for McDonalds. He checked his pockets, and then began searching through a raggedy old hockey bag.
Is he looking for money? I wondered. He's homeless. When was the last time he'd eaten?
I figured he'd look for a handout. He was walking away from the fast food joints, and I thought, What if he comes my way? I checked my pockets for coins, but realized he'd need more than $2.00 to buy an egg burger and coffee. I knew there was a twenty in my wallet. Should I walk over there and give it to him? My head told me to mind my own business. My heart urged me to buy him breakfast. Am I the only one who noticed him?
I hesitated, and when I looked again, he was gone. I had lost him in the crowd. Feeling somewhat guilty at my lack of action, I took a brisk walk around the food court. However, he was nowhere to be seen. I'd missed my chance.
Later on, as I left Brunswick Square and headed to the City Market, I saw him there by the entrance. He was playing a child's xylophone, the most awesome Christmas music you ever heard, plunked out for nickels and dimes. I dropped my money on his coat he'd placed in front of him, and gave him a smile while tears blurred my vision.
As I made my way up the centre aisle of Pete's Frootique, I glanced back through shoppers closing in behind me. Others were stooping to add their money to mine, and I felt a certain warmth knowing that he'd soon have his first meal of the day.
(This actually happened in December 2012. But I was reminded of it this past weekend. Again, I was shopping uptown with my wife. There was a young man playing a flute on the corner in below zero temperature. Christmas music that kept his fingers cold.)
***********************************************
Isn't it peculiar, Jimi, how these people cross our paths. Is it a test? Perhaps they are angels, and we don't realize it. I told the family about this chance meeting at the dinner on Christmas Day. My kids and my mother-in-law were there too. And when I finished the story, I had to leave the table because I didn't want them to see a grown man with tears in his eyes. I have so much, and they have so little. It isn't right.
***********************************************
I love your story. This haibun is perfect. I like the choppiness of it. You create some great imagery...
"Thunder rumbled. Rain began to fall gently. He folded his day's advertisement with skill. Invited me to sit. This humble abode. Scattered paper cups. Discarded butts. A rumpled newspaper weighted by a special cap."
and even in the haiku ending,
"priceless belongings
held in a grocery cart"
I especially like this line,
"Often,I fall to shattered." ... I have experienced this exact same thing, Jimi. Are we too soft in a hard-boiled world?
Love this simile,
"His face mapped like the rugged terrain of a hard fought war."
and the personification here,
"His well worn chambray shirt begged mending."
*****************************************
Jimi, did you dye your hair??? I hope this means you're coming back more regularly to Fanstory. I miss you and your talent.
Big Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
-
Kimbob, my wonderful friend. I am moved. I loved your story. I will have to read your poem. Each day life presents us the opportunity to discover, to create and to appreciate the world around us.
This was my experience yesterday. I went to have lunch with my daughter at her office Regional which sits on the corner of the feeder of the freeway and a cross street. He resides there. I had seen him many times. There is something about people which move me to act. I brought him a hamburger and coke, plus a book I had in my car called The Slight Edge. I just walked across the street and struck up a conversation while my daughter was finishing up before her break. I wanted to take his picture, but I felt it would be inappropriate to ask. I didn't want him to feel uneasy. He was a very nice gentleman, Wish I could have done more.
Again my friend and always your ardent fan
Jimi
Comment from dragonpoet
It is sad that a veteran should be homeless. We should take care of all those who serve. It seems the most different people can have a lot in common.
Callous should be calloused. Ever so would be better as just. Warn and tarnished should be worn and tarnished.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
|
It is sad that a veteran should be homeless. We should take care of all those who serve. It seems the most different people can have a lot in common.
Callous should be calloused. Ever so would be better as just. Warn and tarnished should be worn and tarnished.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
-
dragonpoet, thank you so very much for this wonderful review. I made note of the changes which needed to be made. Again, another big thank you... jlsavell
-
You are so very welcome. I am glad I could help.
dragonpoet
Comment from royowen
You've done a marvellously charitable act of kindness to a man who is dear to God, exactly what our mission, is, and always has been, service is our earthly mission. Thanks for reminding me with your beautifully composed prose presentation Jimi, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
|
You've done a marvellously charitable act of kindness to a man who is dear to God, exactly what our mission, is, and always has been, service is our earthly mission. Thanks for reminding me with your beautifully composed prose presentation Jimi, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 20-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2017
-
royowen,
Often, I wonder what my mission is in life. I , thank you for your wonderful words of support and review. I apologize that I have not been on Fanstory in the last six months to even review.
This was my experience yesterday. I went to have lunch with my daughter at her office Regional which sits on the corner of the feeder of the freeway and a cross street. He resides there. I had seen him many times. There is something about people which move me to act. I brought him a hamburger and coke, plus a book I had in my car called The Slight Edge. I just walked across the street and struck up a conversation while my daughter was finishing up before her break. I wanted to take his picture, but I felt it would be inappropriate to ask. I didn't want him to feel uneasy. He was a very nice gentleman, Wish I could have done more.
AGAIN A BIG THANK YOU..
JIMI
-
It costs little to be kind or gracious, but it costs big time to be unkind, Jimi, well done.