The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "The Piper, part 20"Young Adult Fantasy
19 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I think this is the first time I've seen this story, but it was easy to get into. I'll keep a watch out now for further parts. I like stories like this one, with elves and fae in and wonder if these are good or bad. I'll have a look at previous parts. I enjoyed what I read and look forward to the next part. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 03-May-2018
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I think this is the first time I've seen this story, but it was easy to get into. I'll keep a watch out now for further parts. I like stories like this one, with elves and fae in and wonder if these are good or bad. I'll have a look at previous parts. I enjoyed what I read and look forward to the next part. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 29-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 03-May-2018
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Hi Sandra,
Thank you for the positive and encouraging comments. I am happy to hear you enjoyed the chapter and look forward to more. Your comments brightened my day.
Debi
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Troy is not happy with the Captain Burkehart's decision to go off alone. He tries to persuade him to take a few men with him but Burkehart said 'No!".
He is in search of the fairie realm and he can't let the others know.
Good Job Debi. You just need to post more often to keep the interest up. Nancy
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Troy is not happy with the Captain Burkehart's decision to go off alone. He tries to persuade him to take a few men with him but Burkehart said 'No!".
He is in search of the fairie realm and he can't let the others know.
Good Job Debi. You just need to post more often to keep the interest up. Nancy
Comment Written 29-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Hi Nancy,
Thank you for following the story. I know it has been months since I posted the last chapter, and I really did intend to post regularly. Hopefully, my life will settle down a bit and I get this novel finished soon. Thank you for making time to read and comment. I appreciate you advice.
Debi
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi debi. Your story is well described throughout--just one example is this terrific paragraph--"Burkehart girded on his sword, put on his cloak and gloves, and reached for his pack. Then the two men stepped out into the street. Mud sloshed ankle deep and they had to keep moving so they wouldn't get sucked in by the sludge."
Nicely done--clear scene setting and dialogue that the reader is able to follow.
Marilyn
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Hi debi. Your story is well described throughout--just one example is this terrific paragraph--"Burkehart girded on his sword, put on his cloak and gloves, and reached for his pack. Then the two men stepped out into the street. Mud sloshed ankle deep and they had to keep moving so they wouldn't get sucked in by the sludge."
Nicely done--clear scene setting and dialogue that the reader is able to follow.
Marilyn
Comment Written 29-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Hi Marilyn,
Thank you so much for the encouraging remarks and for pointing out what works. I appreciate it.
Debi
Comment from Mastery
Hi, debi, It's been a long time since I've been aboard the site and equally long since I've seen writing by you. I think you had the same story going when I left. You are an excellent writer.
Your imagery is spot on...like here:
"cool, fresh air leaked through the window and brushed his face, alleviating the overly warm air from the room behind him. (excellent)
And: "A northerly gust whipped at their cloaks and then died back to a slight breeze."
Suggestion if I may: "But you'll be back to deliver it yourself sir." (Sholdn't tere be a question mark after this?
Great job overall, debi. :) Bob
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Hi, debi, It's been a long time since I've been aboard the site and equally long since I've seen writing by you. I think you had the same story going when I left. You are an excellent writer.
Your imagery is spot on...like here:
"cool, fresh air leaked through the window and brushed his face, alleviating the overly warm air from the room behind him. (excellent)
And: "A northerly gust whipped at their cloaks and then died back to a slight breeze."
Suggestion if I may: "But you'll be back to deliver it yourself sir." (Sholdn't tere be a question mark after this?
Great job overall, debi. :) Bob
Comment Written 29-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 01-May-2018
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Hi Bob,
Thank you for the kind comments and encouragement. I'll take a look at your suggestion. Thank you for taking the time to read and to help out.
Debi
Comment from apky
Good to have you posting again, my friend.
I enjoyed your story and found it entertaining. No spags that I could detect. The plot continued to race and is sprinkled with a variety of intriguing situations.
The pace of the story - which is what impresses me most in it - is still great. And that air of mystery remains intact too. I find myself eager to find out what will happen next, if not what is happening anyway.
reply by the author on 03-May-2018
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Good to have you posting again, my friend.
I enjoyed your story and found it entertaining. No spags that I could detect. The plot continued to race and is sprinkled with a variety of intriguing situations.
The pace of the story - which is what impresses me most in it - is still great. And that air of mystery remains intact too. I find myself eager to find out what will happen next, if not what is happening anyway.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 03-May-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review. I appreciate the comments about the pacing and air of mystery. Thank you for remembering the story. I know it has been some time since I have posted the last chapter.
Debi
Comment from royowen
So Captain Burkehart takes off to find a fairie wolf, and perhaps find Piper, after he declares he's going to wait for roads to dry out to make his destiny, to another place. Beautifully writte, I love this style and type of story Mt friend, lots of mythical creatures, of which Piper is a half one. Most entertaining, well laid out, witty great story and plot. Well done, blessjngs, Roy
Typo : I leave it (in) your capable hands.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2018
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So Captain Burkehart takes off to find a fairie wolf, and perhaps find Piper, after he declares he's going to wait for roads to dry out to make his destiny, to another place. Beautifully writte, I love this style and type of story Mt friend, lots of mythical creatures, of which Piper is a half one. Most entertaining, well laid out, witty great story and plot. Well done, blessjngs, Roy
Typo : I leave it (in) your capable hands.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2018
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Hy Roy,
Thanks for catching that typo. I have corrected it. Thanks you for reading chapter 20. It's been months since I posted the last chapter and I was worried no one would read this one. Thank you for the encouraging comments.
Debi
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Well done
Comment from Ginnygray
Hi w.j. Debi. I'm just getting into your book on chapter 20, but I really enjoyed the read. The cast of characters helped me to understand a little of the previous story that has gone on before. You had me riveted to the story wondering about Piper's safety when he and his friend, Rupert are missing from the musicians and the wolf, Sheba attacked them. I guess that you have captured my interest because of the musical involvement in the story. I look forward to reading Chapter 21 and find out more about Redd-Leif Summerstorm, the wolf, and what is going to happen when Captain Burkehart leaves by himself in search of Piper. Interesting read. Congratulations on the book so far.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2018
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Hi w.j. Debi. I'm just getting into your book on chapter 20, but I really enjoyed the read. The cast of characters helped me to understand a little of the previous story that has gone on before. You had me riveted to the story wondering about Piper's safety when he and his friend, Rupert are missing from the musicians and the wolf, Sheba attacked them. I guess that you have captured my interest because of the musical involvement in the story. I look forward to reading Chapter 21 and find out more about Redd-Leif Summerstorm, the wolf, and what is going to happen when Captain Burkehart leaves by himself in search of Piper. Interesting read. Congratulations on the book so far.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2018
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Hi Ginnygray,
Thank you for reading a book already in progress and for the encouraging comments. I appreciate your analysis and am delighted to hear you enjoyed this chapter.
Debi
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
It's been a while. lol
Good summary you've included to refresh the memory.
It's funny, I didn't notice before but your captain shares the same name as the main character from the tv series 'Grimm'.
but trees and building were still dripping wet - buildings?
I admit I would prefer you to stay with the company, sir, or at least take a few men with you in case you run into trouble." - need opening speech marks here.
Burkehart girded on his sword, - I don't think you need 'on' here.
Be careful with your descriptions. the sudden gusts of wind become a little repetitive in this instalment.
[A gust of wind moaned and subsided suddenly / Cool, fresh air leaked through the window / A northerly gust whipped at their cloaks and then died back to a slight breeze / A stronger gust of wind whipped his cloak about him then settled back to a steady breeze / As the wind picked up, he squared his shoulders and pushed into it. ]
Good solid continuation of the story here.
All the best
G
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reply by the author on 30-Apr-2018
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Hi there,
It's been a while. lol
Good summary you've included to refresh the memory.
It's funny, I didn't notice before but your captain shares the same name as the main character from the tv series 'Grimm'.
but trees and building were still dripping wet - buildings?
I admit I would prefer you to stay with the company, sir, or at least take a few men with you in case you run into trouble." - need opening speech marks here.
Burkehart girded on his sword, - I don't think you need 'on' here.
Be careful with your descriptions. the sudden gusts of wind become a little repetitive in this instalment.
[A gust of wind moaned and subsided suddenly / Cool, fresh air leaked through the window / A northerly gust whipped at their cloaks and then died back to a slight breeze / A stronger gust of wind whipped his cloak about him then settled back to a steady breeze / As the wind picked up, he squared his shoulders and pushed into it. ]
Good solid continuation of the story here.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2018
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Hi G,
Yea, it has been a while. Thank you so much for the solid and helpful review. I have gone in and made the changes you suggested. I appreciate your attention to detail and the time you take to make a difference so I can improve. I appreciate the encouragement as well. It means a lot coming from someone who is published and who writes such creative and quality stories.
Guess I'll have to watch Grimm. I haven't seen it so don't know the characters.
Thank you again for reading and reviewing this chapter,
Debi
Comment from Harry Smith
I really like the picture. This chapter is filled with lots and lots of both emotions and imagery. The reader was interested from the beginning until the end.
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reply by the author on 30-Apr-2018
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I really like the picture. This chapter is filled with lots and lots of both emotions and imagery. The reader was interested from the beginning until the end.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2018
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Thank you for stopping in to review a story already in progress, and for the encouraging comments.
Debi