Sometimes Roses, Sometimes Thorns
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Smoldering Embers"A collection of sonnets
23 total reviews
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello Michael, I am a fan of your poetry, and this reminds me why. I will not be able to give this a six-star rating retrospectively but this is the best sonnet. Love it! I'd give it seven if I could You bring romance, resignation, longing, and sadness together in the most beautiful way, and there is something about the image you use, both in the poem and in the art you've chosen to use. I love the whole ember, fire thing, burning thing, it's such a wellspring of imagery for the poet. And that's what you are, thanks for this one, Ana :)
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Hello Michael, I am a fan of your poetry, and this reminds me why. I will not be able to give this a six-star rating retrospectively but this is the best sonnet. Love it! I'd give it seven if I could You bring romance, resignation, longing, and sadness together in the most beautiful way, and there is something about the image you use, both in the poem and in the art you've chosen to use. I love the whole ember, fire thing, burning thing, it's such a wellspring of imagery for the poet. And that's what you are, thanks for this one, Ana :)
Comment Written 26-May-2018
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written thought-provoking Shakespearean Sonnet. We are indeed only amateurs where it involves love. There are very little of us that can say we have a perfect love and a great example.
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A very well-written thought-provoking Shakespearean Sonnet. We are indeed only amateurs where it involves love. There are very little of us that can say we have a perfect love and a great example.
Comment Written 26-May-2018
Comment from Liberty Justice
LOVELY Michael! You sound so much like Shakespere and your poem speaks of frustrations and heartbreaks that many of us have suffered. Well Done.liberty justice
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LOVELY Michael! You sound so much like Shakespere and your poem speaks of frustrations and heartbreaks that many of us have suffered. Well Done.liberty justice
Comment Written 25-May-2018
Comment from ciliverde
Hi Mikey! This is so lovely. I read through it a couple of times, and will do so again. Your writing is just so elegant and packed with emotion. The third stanza is my favorite, in which you acknowledge that "sadness owes a nod to bliss". That is so true. Very nicely done, it's so refreshing to read a truly great piece of poetry,
Carol
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Hi Mikey! This is so lovely. I read through it a couple of times, and will do so again. Your writing is just so elegant and packed with emotion. The third stanza is my favorite, in which you acknowledge that "sadness owes a nod to bliss". That is so true. Very nicely done, it's so refreshing to read a truly great piece of poetry,
Carol
Comment Written 25-May-2018
Comment from Gloria ....
The artwork is just fantastic, Mav. Roses hold together so well in the flames. The grey tones in combination with the pink is a perfect pairing with the theme of your wonderfully constructed sonnet. Course I've always known folks who write free verse are almost always very good at rhymed and metred poetry too.
You word choices are vivid and each one carefully builds on the motif of love gone, but still the smoldering heart seeks to fan the sparks.
Pristine metre and rhyme and I wish you the best of luck in the sonnet contest. There's some fine entries as the sonnet remains a highly-desired form. :)
Ange
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The artwork is just fantastic, Mav. Roses hold together so well in the flames. The grey tones in combination with the pink is a perfect pairing with the theme of your wonderfully constructed sonnet. Course I've always known folks who write free verse are almost always very good at rhymed and metred poetry too.
You word choices are vivid and each one carefully builds on the motif of love gone, but still the smoldering heart seeks to fan the sparks.
Pristine metre and rhyme and I wish you the best of luck in the sonnet contest. There's some fine entries as the sonnet remains a highly-desired form. :)
Ange
Comment Written 25-May-2018
Comment from nordicgirl
Woweeeeee! I swear I forgot you could actually write something beautiful like this. Hehehe. This reads like Shakespeare, but a modern take. So easy to read and wonderful words and meaning. NG
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Woweeeeee! I swear I forgot you could actually write something beautiful like this. Hehehe. This reads like Shakespeare, but a modern take. So easy to read and wonderful words and meaning. NG
Comment Written 25-May-2018
Comment from meeshu
well written, Michael, a love that is gone is a though one to chew. the third stanza is particularly strong and the whole thing flows........meeshu
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well written, Michael, a love that is gone is a though one to chew. the third stanza is particularly strong and the whole thing flows........meeshu
Comment Written 25-May-2018
Comment from Henry King
This is an excellent entry into the Shakespearean Sonnet contest. The end rhyme, the syllabic rhythm stressed and unstressed and the volta all appear in their accepted place. The words, similar to those used the Bard's period, add to that excellence. Well done.
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This is an excellent entry into the Shakespearean Sonnet contest. The end rhyme, the syllabic rhythm stressed and unstressed and the volta all appear in their accepted place. The words, similar to those used the Bard's period, add to that excellence. Well done.
Comment Written 25-May-2018
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Your sonnet has some serious grief and sorrow and yearning for a loved one and so Shakespearean and heartfelt, well chosen rhymes, great metre and I thoroughly enjoyed it. You could be a winner Michael, I wish you luck, love Dolly x
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Your sonnet has some serious grief and sorrow and yearning for a loved one and so Shakespearean and heartfelt, well chosen rhymes, great metre and I thoroughly enjoyed it. You could be a winner Michael, I wish you luck, love Dolly x
Comment Written 25-May-2018
Comment from kiwisteveh
Hi, Mikey.
I find lots of positives in your sonnet. The rhyme and metre are both excellent, meaning the poem flows well and the traditional structure is there with the expected volta in stanza 3. You have also maintained the fire/embers/smoke metaphor beautifully throughout which fots really well with the theme of love lost and mourned.
There are a couple of picky things I will point out:
'homage' - only one 'M' i believe
'hence' means 'from here' or 'from now on' so 'from now hence' is tautologous.
I'm also not sure of your usage of 'bespoke'. Do you mean the modern (and only current) meaning of 'created for a particular customer' or is it meant to be more the archaic 'spoken for'?
I hesitated over 'mate and joy eternal' but possibly only because 'mate' has acquired such a different and commonly used meaning here in NZ and particularly in Australia.
This is a lovely, natural line:
'What would I know of love if not for you?'
... and together with the colloquial 'you see?' just above provides a contrast in tone to the formality of the first two stanas.
I also liked the rather neat and epigrammatic feel of your closing couplet, especially that it also brings a return to your central metaphor.
Overall a lovely piece that is sure to resonate well with our judges.
Steve
reply by the author on 25-May-2018
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Hi, Mikey.
I find lots of positives in your sonnet. The rhyme and metre are both excellent, meaning the poem flows well and the traditional structure is there with the expected volta in stanza 3. You have also maintained the fire/embers/smoke metaphor beautifully throughout which fots really well with the theme of love lost and mourned.
There are a couple of picky things I will point out:
'homage' - only one 'M' i believe
'hence' means 'from here' or 'from now on' so 'from now hence' is tautologous.
I'm also not sure of your usage of 'bespoke'. Do you mean the modern (and only current) meaning of 'created for a particular customer' or is it meant to be more the archaic 'spoken for'?
I hesitated over 'mate and joy eternal' but possibly only because 'mate' has acquired such a different and commonly used meaning here in NZ and particularly in Australia.
This is a lovely, natural line:
'What would I know of love if not for you?'
... and together with the colloquial 'you see?' just above provides a contrast in tone to the formality of the first two stanas.
I also liked the rather neat and epigrammatic feel of your closing couplet, especially that it also brings a return to your central metaphor.
Overall a lovely piece that is sure to resonate well with our judges.
Steve
Comment Written 25-May-2018
reply by the author on 25-May-2018
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Wow. It's been a long time since I've received an actual helpful review. Great points. I went with the ancient spelling "hommage" because I was worried about the pronunciation. But, it should be obvious really, so I'll take the extra "m" out. I thought "now hence" sounded off too, thanks for nailing WHY for me. I fixed that too. Agree with "mate". I had "wife", but I didn't care for that either. I changed it to "you" for now. That seems to work. Yes, the old meaning of "bespoke". I'm thinking only four or five hundred year olds are going to read anyway. LOL
Awesome review and encouragement. Thanks a million! mike
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My pleasure.