The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "The Shadow of Darkness"A Novel
29 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Tony. Another interesting and captivating chapter, my friend.
Your use of great imagery shines in this chapter in particular:
"The boiling kettle screamed, like the disembodied wail of a demon."
And:" a photographer had captured the outline of his blood-spattered body spreadeagled against the stucco wall behind the pulpit, like a Christ on the cross - a particularly gruesome propaganda shot, callously designed to publicise the power of the Jihad."
Suggestion: Break the paragraph that starts with this sentence up. It seems to be forever long for some reason.
"My parents took us to the Catholic Church that morning. My mother hated it."
Good solid writing, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
  |
Hi, Tony. Another interesting and captivating chapter, my friend.
Your use of great imagery shines in this chapter in particular:
"The boiling kettle screamed, like the disembodied wail of a demon."
And:" a photographer had captured the outline of his blood-spattered body spreadeagled against the stucco wall behind the pulpit, like a Christ on the cross - a particularly gruesome propaganda shot, callously designed to publicise the power of the Jihad."
Suggestion: Break the paragraph that starts with this sentence up. It seems to be forever long for some reason.
"My parents took us to the Catholic Church that morning. My mother hated it."
Good solid writing, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
-
Many thanks, Bob. I appreciate your comments and suggestion about the paragraph break. Thanks, too, for the sixth star. All the best, Tony
Comment from apky
I'm so delighted I caught this chapter of my favourite FanStory tale just at the right time.
I'm still amazed at the twists and turns of this story, that has the reader holding her breath and eager to find out what happens next. What more is there to say? I found absolutely nothing to complain about.
Can't wait for the next chapter, the next brilliant story-telling!
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
|
I'm so delighted I caught this chapter of my favourite FanStory tale just at the right time.
I'm still amazed at the twists and turns of this story, that has the reader holding her breath and eager to find out what happens next. What more is there to say? I found absolutely nothing to complain about.
Can't wait for the next chapter, the next brilliant story-telling!
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
-
Many thanks, apky. I appreciate your enthusiastic comments and the sixth star. All the best, Tony
Comment from ciliverde
Excellent chapter, Tony. Your character Helen is gradually filling out into a tragic figure, as well as being mysterious. Is she really trustworthy or is there some ulterior motive? I noticed a comment that your notes from the previous chapter were too long - I disagree. For those of us who missed that chapter, it is good to have more info rather than less. You can just skip past if you've already read it.
I look forward to where this is going. Charles is a wise man...knows not to climb between those sheets. Caution first!
Carol
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
|
Excellent chapter, Tony. Your character Helen is gradually filling out into a tragic figure, as well as being mysterious. Is she really trustworthy or is there some ulterior motive? I noticed a comment that your notes from the previous chapter were too long - I disagree. For those of us who missed that chapter, it is good to have more info rather than less. You can just skip past if you've already read it.
I look forward to where this is going. Charles is a wise man...knows not to climb between those sheets. Caution first!
Carol
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
-
Many thanks, Carol. I appreciate your supportive comments and the sixth star. All the best, Tony
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Tony;
> I truly enjoyed reading your work but I must say it is quite long on average just a little bit longer than most but I wouldn't have it any other way because I really enjoy reading reading it.
> I'm tied up with Charles and his adventures with Helen and how you wrote about Helen's feelings, about what happened to her parents in North Pakistan, was an amazing account.
>The jihad came in that church in just shot everybody in house Helen and her sister got away is amazing.
> And the priest like a symbol of the cross in the back of the church after he was shot, very symbolic.
> I really enjoyed it all the way through and thanks for sharing, Tony, take care and have a good one.
Alx
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
|
Cheers, Tony;
> I truly enjoyed reading your work but I must say it is quite long on average just a little bit longer than most but I wouldn't have it any other way because I really enjoy reading reading it.
> I'm tied up with Charles and his adventures with Helen and how you wrote about Helen's feelings, about what happened to her parents in North Pakistan, was an amazing account.
>The jihad came in that church in just shot everybody in house Helen and her sister got away is amazing.
> And the priest like a symbol of the cross in the back of the church after he was shot, very symbolic.
> I really enjoyed it all the way through and thanks for sharing, Tony, take care and have a good one.
Alx
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
-
Many thanks, Alex. I appreciate your supportive comments and the sixth star. I'll bear in mind the extra length. This one was just over 1000 words, plus the rather long connection back into the previous chapter, which I've now deleted. I've made quite a few other changes, too. All the best, Tony
-
I'll go back and reread it again, Tony because I do enjoy reading it as I learn a lot from you.
> I think just a quick summary before the story, is all you need.
Take care and thanks for the share.
Alx
Comment from lyenochka
Superbly told, Tony! I find this back story may have more significance than the mystery that brought the two main characters together. I like how you brought the events to life with all the many historic and geographic details!
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
|
Superbly told, Tony! I find this back story may have more significance than the mystery that brought the two main characters together. I like how you brought the events to life with all the many historic and geographic details!
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
-
Many thanks, Helen. I appreciate your supportive comments and the sixth star. All the best, Tony
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Goodm job with this chapter, Tony. It was great to learn more about Helen and her family. You portrayed those scene vividly. This is an interesting break of sorts in their search for info about the letter.
I thought the recap of the previous chapter was way too long--almost like rereading the chapter itself.
Thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
 |
Goodm job with this chapter, Tony. It was great to learn more about Helen and her family. You portrayed those scene vividly. This is an interesting break of sorts in their search for info about the letter.
I thought the recap of the previous chapter was way too long--almost like rereading the chapter itself.
Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
-
Many thanks, Jan. I appreciate your supportive comments. I've removed the connection to the previous chapter now. I agree that it was rather too long. All the best, Tony
Comment from damommy
This is a new side to Helen. She's been through a lot. Still, I question her motives. I like your description of the massacre in the church. But how did a photographer catch a shot of priest before he fell? Seems a bit to coincidental for him to be there. I may have misunderstood that part.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
|
This is a new side to Helen. She's been through a lot. Still, I question her motives. I like your description of the massacre in the church. But how did a photographer catch a shot of priest before he fell? Seems a bit to coincidental for him to be there. I may have misunderstood that part.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
-
Many thanks, Yvonne. I appreciate your supportive comments. I've made quite a few changes to this chapter since you reviewed. One of them clarifies the issue of the coincidental photographer! All the best, Tony
[In the fractional moment before the priest slithered to the ground, a photographer had captured the outline of his blood-spattered body spreadeagled against the stucco wall behind the pulpit, like a Christ on the cross ? a particularly gruesome propaganda shot, callously designed to publicise the power of the Jihad.]
-
Oh, that's better. 8-)
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written chapter and more stories of Helen's past are revealed and how she and her sister have to flee their home land after terrorists attack the church and killed their parents.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
|
A very well-written chapter and more stories of Helen's past are revealed and how she and her sister have to flee their home land after terrorists attack the church and killed their parents.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
-
Many thanks, Sandra. I appreciate your supportive comments. All the best, Tony
Comment from Ulla
Hi Tony, what a beautiful write. I sat there enjoying all the pictures you painted with your wonderful words. What a tale! You're a very talented writer and I'm totally taken with this story. I can't wait to find out what happens next. Wow. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
|
Hi Tony, what a beautiful write. I sat there enjoying all the pictures you painted with your wonderful words. What a tale! You're a very talented writer and I'm totally taken with this story. I can't wait to find out what happens next. Wow. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
-
Many thanks, Ulla. I appreciate your very supportive comments and the sixth star. All the best, Tony
Comment from Sally Law
I always make sure I have a six-star rating in my stash waiting for Mr. Tony. This was superb and emotionally compelling. I don't think Helen is acting here in the reliving of her trauma. It seemed very raw and detailed for her, just like someone suffering from post-traumatic stress; reliving everything in minute detail. Keep em coming--
All my best,
Sally
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
|
I always make sure I have a six-star rating in my stash waiting for Mr. Tony. This was superb and emotionally compelling. I don't think Helen is acting here in the reliving of her trauma. It seemed very raw and detailed for her, just like someone suffering from post-traumatic stress; reliving everything in minute detail. Keep em coming--
All my best,
Sally
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
-
Many thanks, Sally. I appreciate your very supportive comments and the sixth star. All the best, Tony