Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Clever respons to the word challenge....you did a splendid job! I enjoyed the satirical whimsy, especially in the closing couplet, using the term NAVIGATE for century - brilliant!


Flawless meter, great rhymes, fine form (great volta) and superb presentation. Just a few spag suggestions:

*
And yet, the cost would be so very great,
of (change OF to FOR or WITH or WHEN - as OF does not work well, grammatically, here) forcefully invading foreign lands.


I suggest reading each one aloud to decide:


And yet, the cost would be so very great,
for forcefully invading foreign lands.


And yet, the cost would be so very great,
when forcefully invading foreign lands.


And yet, the cost would be so very great,
with forcefully invading foreign lands.

*
To subjugating folk, I don't relate,(;)

*
I'd rather not their blood upon my hands.

This is fine, but I think it would work better with HAVE instead of THEIR

I'd rather not have blood upon my hands.


Leans toward a six but has nits. Great job! Enjoyed it.

Warmly, rd

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 Comment Written 23-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018

Hi RD,

You know I am always grateful for your advice. However with regards to this bit:

And yet, the cost would be so very great,
of forcefully invading foreign lands

I believe "of" is absolutely the right words to use, in preference to any of the others.

A few quick searches I did to check:

"the cost of ignoring older workers"
"the cost of allowing immigration"
"the cost of invading Iraq" (the closest to my usage)

"Cost", of course, in all these cases, as in mine, equates to "consequences".

I did change "their blood" to "have blood", as you suggested.

I appreciate the review very much, and the lovely comments :)

Craig

reply by rama devi on 23-Sep-2018

Its the comma that makes it a issue. Try reading as prose--

And yet, the cost would be so very great,
of forcefully invading foreign lands

Correct--

And yet, the cost of forcefully invading foreign lands would be so very great

I appreciate your comments too :) rd

Comment from Possummagic

Excellent

This is a lovely piece of poetry. It's thoughtful in its composition and it's meaning and I enjoyed it very much. Your imagery is simple and thoughtful. Well done. PM

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 Comment Written 23-Sep-2018

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reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018

Thank you very much for the lovely comments. They are most appreciated. Craig

reply by Possummagic on 23-Sep-2018

You are most welcome. PM