Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 105 "Dawn"Assorted poetry
13 total reviews
Comment from Y. M. Roger
What a wonderful write, Bill - it is such a detour from some of your shorter writes, but it has so much impact! :) :) That dawn take in the old, the 'yesterday' and produces a fresh start for the world -- that a yawn releases even exercises all of the sleep demons and refreshes the body with a fresh start to the day -- that a fawn makes it through life's (the forest's) battles and emerges with a fresh start on life -- freedom for all!! :) :) Wow - if I had six stars, they would be yours!! I certainly love your wonderful animal collections, but this is a masterpiece in its own 'write' ... thank you!! :) Best wishes in the contest! ;) Yvette :)
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2018
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What a wonderful write, Bill - it is such a detour from some of your shorter writes, but it has so much impact! :) :) That dawn take in the old, the 'yesterday' and produces a fresh start for the world -- that a yawn releases even exercises all of the sleep demons and refreshes the body with a fresh start to the day -- that a fawn makes it through life's (the forest's) battles and emerges with a fresh start on life -- freedom for all!! :) :) Wow - if I had six stars, they would be yours!! I certainly love your wonderful animal collections, but this is a masterpiece in its own 'write' ... thank you!! :) Best wishes in the contest! ;) Yvette :)
Comment Written 27-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2018
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Thank you, Yvette, for the terrific review of the poem. Bill
Comment from lyenochka
I think you've created a new format, Bill - well, more in the first and last stanzas where the sixth line is full of present active participles (examining, presuming, exuming, rutting, wasting warring.) All the stanzas start with a single syllable word all rhyming with each other. I like your simile of an "unannounced inspector" for Dawn. It reminds me of T.S. Eliot's "a patient etherised upon the table" for evening.
One suggestion would be to change "by a new air" to just "by new air" to keep the last line short like the others.
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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2018
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I think you've created a new format, Bill - well, more in the first and last stanzas where the sixth line is full of present active participles (examining, presuming, exuming, rutting, wasting warring.) All the stanzas start with a single syllable word all rhyming with each other. I like your simile of an "unannounced inspector" for Dawn. It reminds me of T.S. Eliot's "a patient etherised upon the table" for evening.
One suggestion would be to change "by a new air" to just "by new air" to keep the last line short like the others.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2018
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This is close to what I used to coin as 'open verse'. That would be formats which have similar word staging in each line of successive stanzas.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Bill. I like your free verse. Poem combined with the beautiful art work well. Your theme is cryptic and is open to the reader's interpretation. Many meanings can be applied here. Marilyn
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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2018
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Hi Bill. I like your free verse. Poem combined with the beautiful art work well. Your theme is cryptic and is open to the reader's interpretation. Many meanings can be applied here. Marilyn
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2018
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Thanks, Marilyn