The Other Side
Story in a Poem38 total reviews
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"The Other Side", is an exceptionally well-written and entertaining piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. I look forward to seeing your next post.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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"The Other Side", is an exceptionally well-written and entertaining piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. I look forward to seeing your next post.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Duchess - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
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Steve, you're welcome, and I certainly did.
Take care and God bless,
the Duchess !(-_-)!
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image, Steve.
-This is a very good story poem.
-It flows effortlessly, and is
filled with all kinds of mishaps.
-Poor, Flo, who has lost
all potential beaus she liked.
-I like these lines:
"but mostly we just dined on moss
like poets in a garret."
-I'm glad you remembered the
sonnet for Ma and Pa!
-Great name for the boat,
but it didn't live up to it!
-The conclusion is fitting, too.
-Love your imagination; good
luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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-Very nice image, Steve.
-This is a very good story poem.
-It flows effortlessly, and is
filled with all kinds of mishaps.
-Poor, Flo, who has lost
all potential beaus she liked.
-I like these lines:
"but mostly we just dined on moss
like poets in a garret."
-I'm glad you remembered the
sonnet for Ma and Pa!
-Great name for the boat,
but it didn't live up to it!
-The conclusion is fitting, too.
-Love your imagination; good
luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Pam. Sometimes this silly stuff just flows out and I don't even need to control where it goes. This was written very quickly.
Steve
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You are welcome, Steve. It must be nice to have all of this just flow from your brain in near perfect order!
Comment from rspoet
Hello Steve,
This poem has the distinctive Herbert touch
with excellent meter, superb rhymes and outstanding humor.
I was happy to see you even got Robert in there,
until I saw how quickly he went down, too.
In the end, it was Norman who was the Conqueror.
You should do well with this one
Best wishes for two in a row
Robert
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Hello Steve,
This poem has the distinctive Herbert touch
with excellent meter, superb rhymes and outstanding humor.
I was happy to see you even got Robert in there,
until I saw how quickly he went down, too.
In the end, it was Norman who was the Conqueror.
You should do well with this one
Best wishes for two in a row
Robert
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Robert - sorry about your poetic demise, but at least I sent Tom, Dick and Harry down with you. And Flo got very fat as she grew older anyway.
I think I was still on a high from winning the 5-7-5 contest when I wrote this. It virtually wrote itself actually in just under half an hour. Love it when that happens!
Steve
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I don't think I could ever write a poem like that in a half hour, probably not in half a month either.
Comment from oorwull
Very clever, very humorous, and certainly entertaining! I think I've read it about 9 or 10 times now, and I'm still smiling at some of the "Swallowed...Tom Dick and Harry." "Got no means of steering." And forgetting the neighbor's bridge. What were you thinking!Oorwull
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Very clever, very humorous, and certainly entertaining! I think I've read it about 9 or 10 times now, and I'm still smiling at some of the "Swallowed...Tom Dick and Harry." "Got no means of steering." And forgetting the neighbor's bridge. What were you thinking!Oorwull
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thank you for the kind words. Glad you got a chuckle out of this. Some reviewers have suggested it shows that people need to ask for help - I suspect this lot were far beyond any help!
Steve
Comment from Dean Kuch
Good story, Steve, very witty.
Your double-rhymed quatrains and good abcb rhyme scheme lends a bouncy, toe-tapping sort of cadence and flow to this piece.
The ending lines were a hoot.
Ah...I also see this is for the site sponsored, Share A Story in a Poem contest.
Well... there goes any chance I had of placing, if, in fact, I had any chance at all.
~Dean
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Good story, Steve, very witty.
Your double-rhymed quatrains and good abcb rhyme scheme lends a bouncy, toe-tapping sort of cadence and flow to this piece.
The ending lines were a hoot.
Ah...I also see this is for the site sponsored, Share A Story in a Poem contest.
Well... there goes any chance I had of placing, if, in fact, I had any chance at all.
~Dean
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Dean. The feminine rhyme in the odd-numbered lines also adds to the humorous effect, I think. It's borrowed from a poem by Tennyson called Amphion - first poem of his I've ever seen that was funny!
And I would still enter the contest if I were you. I've just won a site contest with my first poem of the year so it might be a bit much to expect another with my second!
Cheers
Steve
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I did enter this, Steve, over two months ago.
Unlike some, I cannot rely that I have everything in tip-top shape and that everything is correct, so I post early in case edits must be made.
But, that's just me.
I am very familiar with Tennyson's work.
I know the poem well.
Best of luck.
~Dean
Comment from Miss Sherry
Oh my - should not laugh in the face of all those mentioned disasters, but this bit of humor is just so amusing. Those last lines astound and then cause a burst of laughter. Very good bit of poetic humor!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Oh my - should not laugh in the face of all those mentioned disasters, but this bit of humor is just so amusing. Those last lines astound and then cause a burst of laughter. Very good bit of poetic humor!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thank you WPS - like your new name!
Hopefully nobody takes this as other than a hysterical bit of fun.
Steve
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People are likely to take anything as anything...let 'em eat cake!!
Comment from Mrs. KT
Oh my goodness, Steve!
What a hoot!
I loved every line and stanza of this rollicking "Share a Story in a Poem" piece. Now, I have to share, that at first, I thought this was biographical. Obviously, I sorted that out straight away! But you had me going there for a moment! This would be such a fun read in front of a group of students; they would love the plot, the language, tone and ending! I certainly did!
Bravo!
diane
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Oh my goodness, Steve!
What a hoot!
I loved every line and stanza of this rollicking "Share a Story in a Poem" piece. Now, I have to share, that at first, I thought this was biographical. Obviously, I sorted that out straight away! But you had me going there for a moment! This would be such a fun read in front of a group of students; they would love the plot, the language, tone and ending! I certainly did!
Bravo!
diane
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thanks so much for the great review and the gift of stars. Funny thing is that this started as autobiographical - we really did live across a river and with only a plank to cross by. I've been thinking of writing a prose story with this title, but I came across this contest with just two hours to go till deadline and the words just poured out!
I should point out that our river was a little gentler than the raging beast of the poem and nobody got 'drownded'. The worst thing that happened was one baby getting an unexpected bath when being carried home from the maternity hospital!
I appreciate your enthusiastic take on this.
Steve
Comment from Insider98
This piece flowed so well and it was easy to read. I really liked this story. If only people could ask for help more often...Great job! Cheers
Insider98
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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This piece flowed so well and it was easy to read. I really liked this story. If only people could ask for help more often...Great job! Cheers
Insider98
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thank you for the kind words. I suspect this family were well beyond help of any kind!
Steve
Comment from susand3022
Hi Kiwisteven, This is highly entertaining! A funny and easy to follow story! I loved that last line, I never saw it coming! I guess that everyone in the area was as dumb as a bunch of rocks! LOL
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Hi Kiwisteven, This is highly entertaining! A funny and easy to follow story! I loved that last line, I never saw it coming! I guess that everyone in the area was as dumb as a bunch of rocks! LOL
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Thanks, Susan. I wrote the whole poem in less than half an hour under deadline pressure, so I was very happy to come up with a snappy ending! Yep, some reviewers have suggested it shows people need to ask for help - I think this family were well beyond help!!
Steve
Comment from Joy Graham
This is too funny, Steve :) You are a hoot! This reminds me of the Fisherman's Friends commercial where the shark spits out all the fishermen he ate that won't stop coughing. Your river seems to have a similar concept except it doesn't spit out the bodies, alive, later.
Some of the story poems I have read recently don't have characters, a beginning, middle, and end of their stories. You don't have that issue whatsoever. This is a great story poem sprinkled with much humor. I found it refreshing and six star worthy. I predict this to be a top contender in contest results.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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This is too funny, Steve :) You are a hoot! This reminds me of the Fisherman's Friends commercial where the shark spits out all the fishermen he ate that won't stop coughing. Your river seems to have a similar concept except it doesn't spit out the bodies, alive, later.
Some of the story poems I have read recently don't have characters, a beginning, middle, and end of their stories. You don't have that issue whatsoever. This is a great story poem sprinkled with much humor. I found it refreshing and six star worthy. I predict this to be a top contender in contest results.
Joy xx
Comment Written 14-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2019
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Joy, thanks so much for the thoughtful review and the generous sprinkling of stars. Yes, I often see entries for this that are lacking basic story elements - I guess I've taught that class so often I'm most unlikely to forget.
Steve