Comment from kiwisteveh

Exceptional

Hate that, when you slave away on a contest entry and then discover you've already entered. If it's any consolation, you would only have been aiming for second place anyway!

Despite your final thought, this reminds me a little (just a very little of Shakespeare's sonnet that begins:
My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.

So, many a chuckle here as your comparisons grow increasingly bizarre. The hair stanza is great, the breasts stanza even greater.

I do have one quibble about the mixed rhyme scheme - mostly abab but the occasional abcb - it's like admitting that you couldn't be bothered finding a rhyming word for those odd ones.

A great laugh though and six stars for that.

Steve

 Comment Written 26-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 26-Jan-2019

Thanks so much, Steve, for your leniency regarding the rhymes. I really wasn't paying enough attention, was I? It was fully my intention that all the stanzas should be ABAB except for one (I wonder if you can guess which). Obviously my mind wandered, and it ended up a mish-mash. I'll have a second look, with a view to correcting that. Thanks for the kind comments and lovely rating, too! I'm so grateful, I won't even gloat when my proper entry relegates your fine work to runner-up :)

Cheers, Craig

Comment from C. Gale Burnett

Excellent

If you want to smile or laugh before laying your head down at night to sleep, just read a CDRichards poem ... and I mean that as a compliment :)
So entertained with the narrator's love being compared to dove, sheep, goats, thread, rocky tower, fawns. No offense to your MRS! I'm sure she was as entertained too after she affectionately kicked you in the butt.

 Comment Written 26-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 26-Jan-2019

She actually laughed. That's one of her two common responses, the other is the simple eye-roll ;-)

Thanks for the lovely comments, I'm glad you got a laugh from this bit of silliness.

Cheers, Craig

Comment from Debbie Pope

Excellent

Oh how I love your sense of humor. I have never read a love poem quite like this. I actually hate poems. They are mushy and same old same old. This one I adore. The only thing mushy about this one is maybe those goats and the oats.
Thanks for making my night, Craig.

 Comment Written 26-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 26-Jan-2019

It's you who have made my night with the lovely comments, Debbie. I'm so glad you got a giggle out of this, I don't think it went over particularly well, in general. Many thanks once again :) Craig

Comment from bichonfrisegirl

Excellent

Oh, too funny, Craig. I laughed my head off at "Your breasts are like a pair of fawns, sent out to play and frolic in the gentle breeze." :)) That's right ... keep 'em tucked in when the wind picks up. "Shakespeare it ain't" ... that's for sure, but it sure was entertaining, and a very unique poem! Well done!

Cheers,
Connie


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 Comment Written 26-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 26-Jan-2019

Thanks so much, Connie. I'm really glad you got a laugh out of it; it would seem not too many people find it amusing! ;-) Most grateful once again, Craig

reply by bichonfrisegirl on 26-Jan-2019

I think that Fanstory can use a lot more humorous writes. Laughter is the best medicine. :) I, for one, appreciate your humour. It takes great talent to write something funny. It's not easy. I think they should give bonus points out to writers who can make us laugh. Two thumbs up!!

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Lol. I recognized all the references to Song of Solomon which is still a book that just baffles me. Some say it's symbolic of Christ and the Church and others say it's a sex manual. And I have trouble seeing it. I'm guessing it's much more poetic and lovely sounding in the original. Good job in your paraphrase although I think it's mostly directly lifted. :))

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 Comment Written 26-Jan-2019

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reply by the author on 26-Jan-2019

Only the descriptive terms are lifted (otherwise, what would be the point?) The exposition is all my own ;-) Cheers, Helen.

--Craig