The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 52 "The UK Embassy in Paris"A Novel
27 total reviews
Comment from JudyE
An interesting read again and I didn't pick up anything that obviously needed editing.
However, should 'Almost as if he was reading my mind' be 'Almost as if he were reading my mind'? I'm not good with the subjunctive so perhaps it's fine as it is.
We are watching her carefully and most interested - I might have said 'and are most interested' but again, it's probably fine.
Cheers. Judy
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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An interesting read again and I didn't pick up anything that obviously needed editing.
However, should 'Almost as if he was reading my mind' be 'Almost as if he were reading my mind'? I'm not good with the subjunctive so perhaps it's fine as it is.
We are watching her carefully and most interested - I might have said 'and are most interested' but again, it's probably fine.
Cheers. Judy
Comment Written 15-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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You are absolutely spot on with both suggestions. I should, of course, have used the subjunctive 'were', and the other error was a careless omission of a word. Thank you for picking these things up. Much appreciated. I'll have to remember to award you a reviewing vote next month - afraid I've used my quota early this month! I can see why you were second in the contest last month - well deserved. Maybe this month you'll make Reviewer of the Month and be in the money! LOL
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I picked up another (maybe):
You need to understand we had to establish a position which would make it impossible for you to renege. Should this be 'from which it would make it impossible....'
Do you have to renege 'from' something?
Thanks for the kind words. I'm glad my reviews are helpful. Nominations and stars aren't the be-all and end-all. I'm happy to be able to help. :)
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You are right again. 'Renege' is an intransitive verb. I think it's more normal to talk about reneging 'on' rather than 'from', so I have changed the sentence to read, "It has been necessary to ensure your loyalty by making it impossible for you to renege on your commitment to us."
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That sounds much better.
Comment from lyenochka
The plot thickens and twists and turns in most unpredictable ways! Okay, now poor Charles is headed to Pakistan and has to do more works of espionage? Very intriguing. Enjoyed how your characters keep consistent with their personalities even in their actions.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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The plot thickens and twists and turns in most unpredictable ways! Okay, now poor Charles is headed to Pakistan and has to do more works of espionage? Very intriguing. Enjoyed how your characters keep consistent with their personalities even in their actions.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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Very many thanks for your review, Helen. You are spoiling me with all these six star awards! Very kind and much appreciated. All the best, Tony
Comment from Spitfire
A little bit of everything in here: French architecture, food, mannerisms, history trivia and present political concerns. Bamford comes off as stuffy and arrogant. Excellent writing, of course.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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A little bit of everything in here: French architecture, food, mannerisms, history trivia and present political concerns. Bamford comes off as stuffy and arrogant. Excellent writing, of course.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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Thanks very much for the review, Shari. Stuffy and arrogant is just what I am aiming for with that particular character. Great to know that's how he's coming across.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Very interesting, Tony, about Kayla. I enjoyed reading this chapter. Your descriptions of the setting and surrounding areas are great. I, also, found it interesting about Madame Durand. This novel has some interesting twists and turns in every chapter. Thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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Very interesting, Tony, about Kayla. I enjoyed reading this chapter. Your descriptions of the setting and surrounding areas are great. I, also, found it interesting about Madame Durand. This novel has some interesting twists and turns in every chapter. Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Jan. Hope I can untangle things before the end of the book! LOL
Comment from royowen
The plot grows thicker by the minute Tony. You're doing a fantastic job with this developing story, it's funny how Charles has stumbled into this. The backstory is making it clearer as to how you've arrived at this point. Fantastic effort, you're covering all the holes in this tale, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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The plot grows thicker by the minute Tony. You're doing a fantastic job with this developing story, it's funny how Charles has stumbled into this. The backstory is making it clearer as to how you've arrived at this point. Fantastic effort, you're covering all the holes in this tale, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Roy. Glad you think that it is all beginning to come together. That's what I'm aiming for!
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Well done
Comment from damommy
I would hate to be in Charles' shoes with no way out of the mess. It's gets scarier by the minute for him. Funny how I thought Madame Durand was the villain, when it may be Kayla and her ISIS sympathies. Now, Charles is going to infiltrate that group, and that a very frightening prospect.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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I would hate to be in Charles' shoes with no way out of the mess. It's gets scarier by the minute for him. Funny how I thought Madame Durand was the villain, when it may be Kayla and her ISIS sympathies. Now, Charles is going to infiltrate that group, and that a very frightening prospect.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Yvonne. I'm not sure how Charles is going to get out of this. Maybe it's time he started praying for divine intervention instead of sloping off to the nearest wine bar! LOL
Comment from WryWriter
I don't know why I even have a rating system beneath your work. It is always excellent. It would be such a gift to have such talent. I so enjoy reading your story. Perfection!
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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I don't know why I even have a rating system beneath your work. It is always excellent. It would be such a gift to have such talent. I so enjoy reading your story. Perfection!
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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What a very nice thing to say. Now I shall have to see if I can continue to live up to it! Thanks, too, for the sixth star. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Tony. I enjoyed this chapter very much, my friend.
God use of imagery throughout for starters, like
"Hitching his trousers at the knee to avoid spoiling their immaculate crease, he lowered himself into the chair opposite me."
And Here: "An antique French mantle clock above the fireplace struck the quarter hour with the delicacy of fairy bells. Autumn sunshine streamed through the window onto a vase of copper-coloured chrysanthemums turning them to gold. It was hard to believe what mayhem we were discussing in these civilised surroundings."
Suggestions: Try to refrain from using all words ending in "ly" such as here: "He smiled urbanely." The experts say this is the sign of amateurish writing in that the author is using such words as a "crutch" instead of using a stronger verb to modify the nouns. In this case, one should perhaps write the following: "He was polite and smiled."
Adverbs are a necessary part of our language but should be used as little as possible in our writing, especially with regards to speech tags. Just plain old "he said, she said and he asked she asked " are perfect and should be used most even though they may seem to be hackneyed from time to time. Refer to "Elements of Style" by Strunk and White. It's a small little publication but world renowned for it's accuracy and tips. (Google it) Bless you, Tony.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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Hi, Tony. I enjoyed this chapter very much, my friend.
God use of imagery throughout for starters, like
"Hitching his trousers at the knee to avoid spoiling their immaculate crease, he lowered himself into the chair opposite me."
And Here: "An antique French mantle clock above the fireplace struck the quarter hour with the delicacy of fairy bells. Autumn sunshine streamed through the window onto a vase of copper-coloured chrysanthemums turning them to gold. It was hard to believe what mayhem we were discussing in these civilised surroundings."
Suggestions: Try to refrain from using all words ending in "ly" such as here: "He smiled urbanely." The experts say this is the sign of amateurish writing in that the author is using such words as a "crutch" instead of using a stronger verb to modify the nouns. In this case, one should perhaps write the following: "He was polite and smiled."
Adverbs are a necessary part of our language but should be used as little as possible in our writing, especially with regards to speech tags. Just plain old "he said, she said and he asked she asked " are perfect and should be used most even though they may seem to be hackneyed from time to time. Refer to "Elements of Style" by Strunk and White. It's a small little publication but world renowned for it's accuracy and tips. (Google it) Bless you, Tony.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Bob. I appreciate your review and your advice. I've gone back through the chapter and can see a few adverbs that might need a rethink. I'll have a look at Strunk and White, too.
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That world reknowned book is such a great tool for any writer. Doesn't cost much either, last I knew. Bob
Comment from Ulla
My goodness, Tony, this is getting better and more intriguing by the minute. I love it. I simply can't wait to see what is to happen now, apart from Charles going along with it all. Or will he surprise us all? It's hard to see how. All best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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My goodness, Tony, this is getting better and more intriguing by the minute. I love it. I simply can't wait to see what is to happen now, apart from Charles going along with it all. Or will he surprise us all? It's hard to see how. All best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Ulla. I'm beginning to see what is meant by the saying, "What A Tangled Web We Weave When First We Practice To Deceive"! LOL
Comment from LIJ Red
An excellent chapter, in which the onion proves to have layer on layer...I
haven't a clue how much reality is in your descriptions and politics, but it sounds good...
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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An excellent chapter, in which the onion proves to have layer on layer...I
haven't a clue how much reality is in your descriptions and politics, but it sounds good...
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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I'm not sure how much reality there is in it all, either. Not much, I suspect!