The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 54 "Nearly a Cat-astrophe"A Novel
25 total reviews
Comment from Alex Rosel
I enjoyed reading this. If this was my draft, here are a few things I'd consider:
Bamforth cut the meeting short at that point -- "at that point" doesn't really add anything here, so including it tends to make your narrative laborious to read.
Bamforth's veneer -- a nice, concise snippet of characterization :)
How good to see you again and look! A rose! -- This is awkward. It calls for either a period or a comma after "again".
She gave me a playful kick on the shin. "Mmmm? Let me count the ways." -- Another nice snippet of characterization.
I said, with unthinking cruelty, "So! I've caught you on the rebound, have I?" [linked with] I regretted the words as they left my mouth. -- This is sort of repeating information. Personally, I'd just have "I regretted the words as they left my mouth" without the preceding "with unthinking cruelty". Allow the reader the space to decide for themselves the nature and impact of the words spoken.
There are certain words I look to avoid in an effort to promote reader engagement. "Because" is one such word. So, for the paragraph that starts with "That stung", I'd rework it.
It may have been anticipation or it might only have been ice-cream. -- Ha, ha. A nice playing with the reader's emotions, tugging in different directions :)
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2019
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I enjoyed reading this. If this was my draft, here are a few things I'd consider:
Bamforth cut the meeting short at that point -- "at that point" doesn't really add anything here, so including it tends to make your narrative laborious to read.
Bamforth's veneer -- a nice, concise snippet of characterization :)
How good to see you again and look! A rose! -- This is awkward. It calls for either a period or a comma after "again".
She gave me a playful kick on the shin. "Mmmm? Let me count the ways." -- Another nice snippet of characterization.
I said, with unthinking cruelty, "So! I've caught you on the rebound, have I?" [linked with] I regretted the words as they left my mouth. -- This is sort of repeating information. Personally, I'd just have "I regretted the words as they left my mouth" without the preceding "with unthinking cruelty". Allow the reader the space to decide for themselves the nature and impact of the words spoken.
There are certain words I look to avoid in an effort to promote reader engagement. "Because" is one such word. So, for the paragraph that starts with "That stung", I'd rework it.
It may have been anticipation or it might only have been ice-cream. -- Ha, ha. A nice playing with the reader's emotions, tugging in different directions :)
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2019
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Very many thanks for casting your eye over this, Alex. I appreciate your comments and suggestions. All the best, Tony
Comment from Tootsie55
Good work again. I started a review and for some reason it did not take. Be interesting to see where it goes with Helen now they are reconnecting and he knows she is a Lesbian or something. Or just Bi, perhaps. Was talking to Roy Ownes earlier I got your name wrong and he corrected me. Hope you guys connect. Said I would write about Adelaide's awful water.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Good work again. I started a review and for some reason it did not take. Be interesting to see where it goes with Helen now they are reconnecting and he knows she is a Lesbian or something. Or just Bi, perhaps. Was talking to Roy Ownes earlier I got your name wrong and he corrected me. Hope you guys connect. Said I would write about Adelaide's awful water.
Comment Written 23-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks for continuing to follow my story, and for the six-star award. Both very much appreciated. Best wishes, Tony
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See I did same with Roy and messed up his name hehe OWENS!
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I wasn't going to mention it! These keyboards are full of traps. I only just managed to spot 'a busty Easter' in time, when responding to a review! We were busy - but not like that!
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He he. Geoff here, recently the light came on as to why I have had massive typo issues and Mouse issues...running wireless keyboard and mouse...did you guess yet??? BATTERIES! Definitely getting old here taken all this time to figure it out.
Comment from lyenochka
Lol. Well, you ended up with a pun even without Charles actually saying it. Things look dangerous for Charles. It was smart of him to put the passport in his bank safe. Hopefully, he will give only the right amount of info to Helen. Don't know who can be trusted!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Lol. Well, you ended up with a pun even without Charles actually saying it. Things look dangerous for Charles. It was smart of him to put the passport in his bank safe. Hopefully, he will give only the right amount of info to Helen. Don't know who can be trusted!
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Helen. Yes, I imagine Charles might find that passport a useful backstop, despite what Bamforth says. As you suggest, he has now entered a world where no-one should be fully trusted.
Comment from His Grayness
I found this work to be exceptionally well written in all dimensions and I cannot offer any suggestions of any kind to improve upon it in any way as I offer my sincere thanks to this fine author for a delightful read! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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I found this work to be exceptionally well written in all dimensions and I cannot offer any suggestions of any kind to improve upon it in any way as I offer my sincere thanks to this fine author for a delightful read! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thanks Vance. Always a pleasure to hear from you. Thanks for the review. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from damommy
Is it wise of Charles to reveal all to Helen? We're not sure how she fits into all of this. I hope Charles gets free of all this before the story ends. It's been exciting. Your story is well written and holds one's attention throughout.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Is it wise of Charles to reveal all to Helen? We're not sure how she fits into all of this. I hope Charles gets free of all this before the story ends. It's been exciting. Your story is well written and holds one's attention throughout.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Yvonne. As you suggest, he has now entered a world where no-one should be fully trusted. I hope he's up to the challenge.
Comment from Mary Wakeford
Your writing is filled with wonderful detail and spy novel intrigue, and sprinkled with a tad of passion thrown in for a great read. I felt, coming into this chapter not having benefit of past work, the character build was strong for James, Helen, Madamne L and her cat! Excellent writing.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Your writing is filled with wonderful detail and spy novel intrigue, and sprinkled with a tad of passion thrown in for a great read. I felt, coming into this chapter not having benefit of past work, the character build was strong for James, Helen, Madamne L and her cat! Excellent writing.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Very many thanks Mary, for your supportive comments about characterisation and the content mix. Much appreciated, as is your award of a sixth star. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from WryWriter
The ending to this chapter is most amusing. The chapter itself? Superb! Like there would be anything else written by your talented mind and hands. Enjoyed!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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The ending to this chapter is most amusing. The chapter itself? Superb! Like there would be anything else written by your talented mind and hands. Enjoyed!
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Lovely comments again and an accolade of stars! Thank you very much. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from royowen
I don't think that I could have resisted saying "I'm licked". I like the fact that Charles has a dilemma on his hands, he's no master spy, and the last thing I think he expected was to think he was. With the likes of Madam Durand and the redoubtable Bamforth around, how iunsuited can one be? Well done, Tony, blessings, Roy
Typo :She gave a resigned sigh(t).
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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I don't think that I could have resisted saying "I'm licked". I like the fact that Charles has a dilemma on his hands, he's no master spy, and the last thing I think he expected was to think he was. With the likes of Madam Durand and the redoubtable Bamforth around, how iunsuited can one be? Well done, Tony, blessings, Roy
Typo :She gave a resigned sigh(t).
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Roy. I appreciate your pick up of the errant ?t?, and your continued support. Charles certainly doesn?t seem to be cut out for the job. I hope he manages to survive.
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Welcome Tony
Comment from estory
The temperature heats up here between Charles and Helen, and you had some great scene descriptions, the licking of the ice cream cone in particular, to jazz up the action. The dialogue was very much a lovers' tete a tete, very counterpoint, very teasing, and counterteasing, and it worked nicely. The single rose gesture really kind of sets the scene there. We feel a bit of that electric tension in the air, we know That Charles is kind of torn between his love for Helen and his commitment to the secret service to do the dirty work and dig into the terror drug network. The coming chapters should be interesting. estory
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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The temperature heats up here between Charles and Helen, and you had some great scene descriptions, the licking of the ice cream cone in particular, to jazz up the action. The dialogue was very much a lovers' tete a tete, very counterpoint, very teasing, and counterteasing, and it worked nicely. The single rose gesture really kind of sets the scene there. We feel a bit of that electric tension in the air, we know That Charles is kind of torn between his love for Helen and his commitment to the secret service to do the dirty work and dig into the terror drug network. The coming chapters should be interesting. estory
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2019
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I appreciate your synopsis and comments. Most helpful, as always. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Ulla
Oh, Tony, this is superb writing. I loved it. So the good Charles is in love. Has been all the time, and Helen knows and is playing on it. Well, I can't wait to see what's to happening now apart from the cleaning up,of course. All best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Oh, Tony, this is superb writing. I loved it. So the good Charles is in love. Has been all the time, and Helen knows and is playing on it. Well, I can't wait to see what's to happening now apart from the cleaning up,of course. All best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 22-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2019
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Thanks for continuing to follow my story, Ulla, and for the six-star award. Both very much appreciated. I think you are right - he must be in love. Why else would he put up with Helen's antics? Best wishes, Tony