The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 56 "Day Tripper"A Novel
29 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Ah, Kayla does drugs. So sad! I love how you had Charles pause in his dialogue to take a drink and keep observing. And how she pulled away before she went to the bathroom is also a telltale action. Enjoyed the oldies music something easy for me to relate to. Lol.
One suggestion would be to break up Kayla's account of what happened. It's too polished like a writer not someone "tumbling" over her words. Specifically, "They dragged him away, senseless, in his pyjamas, blood trickling down his temple." That and the clear description of even the hinges felt to me more like an observant reporter. But maybe you wanted that?
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
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Ah, Kayla does drugs. So sad! I love how you had Charles pause in his dialogue to take a drink and keep observing. And how she pulled away before she went to the bathroom is also a telltale action. Enjoyed the oldies music something easy for me to relate to. Lol.
One suggestion would be to break up Kayla's account of what happened. It's too polished like a writer not someone "tumbling" over her words. Specifically, "They dragged him away, senseless, in his pyjamas, blood trickling down his temple." That and the clear description of even the hinges felt to me more like an observant reporter. But maybe you wanted that?
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Helen. I appreciate your suggestion about Kayla's recounting of the RAID episode, and will certainly take another look to see if I can make it a bit more of an authentic first person account.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Tony. This is an excellent chapter that kept my attention all the way to the finish. Some rather subtle excitement in here too.
Great image here, Tony: "Her account poured out, a tumble of words leaving her breathless. She slumped on the table, her head between her arms." (love it)
Suggestions: "She brushed a few strands of hair to one side, managing a half-smile through her tears."
(I don't think a "half-smile" is a good term. Perhaps for more punch say, "managing a reasonable facsimilie
of a smile. (or managing a stingy smile is even better than a "half smile in my opinion, my friend.
And: "They dragged him away, senseless, in his pyjamas, blood trickling down his temple. It was over in less than a minute." (leave out the word "senseless")
Excellent write, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
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Hi, Tony. This is an excellent chapter that kept my attention all the way to the finish. Some rather subtle excitement in here too.
Great image here, Tony: "Her account poured out, a tumble of words leaving her breathless. She slumped on the table, her head between her arms." (love it)
Suggestions: "She brushed a few strands of hair to one side, managing a half-smile through her tears."
(I don't think a "half-smile" is a good term. Perhaps for more punch say, "managing a reasonable facsimilie
of a smile. (or managing a stingy smile is even better than a "half smile in my opinion, my friend.
And: "They dragged him away, senseless, in his pyjamas, blood trickling down his temple. It was over in less than a minute." (leave out the word "senseless")
Excellent write, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
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Thanks very much, Bob, for your encouraging comments and good suggestions. Appreciated, as always. Thanks, too, for the validation of a sixth star. All the best, Tony
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:) Bob
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Ok, so Kayla is into drugs. I thought all along she was lying to Charles. Good job, Tony, with this chapter. You have opened many more paths that your story may follow. It will be interesting to see what becomes of Kayla and her involvement. Surely, those police knew she was hiding in the bathroom--I believe it was all a set-up. Good job and thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
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Ok, so Kayla is into drugs. I thought all along she was lying to Charles. Good job, Tony, with this chapter. You have opened many more paths that your story may follow. It will be interesting to see what becomes of Kayla and her involvement. Surely, those police knew she was hiding in the bathroom--I believe it was all a set-up. Good job and thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2019
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Thanks for your review and comments, Jan. Much appreciated, as always. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from royowen
Obviously on drugs is Kayla, so Charles is suspecting that Kayla has more involvement than she's making out. The story of Andre, if true, seems a bit far fetched if Charles' suspicions are true, the intrigue is getting thicker and thicker, well done Tony, excellent episode, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Obviously on drugs is Kayla, so Charles is suspecting that Kayla has more involvement than she's making out. The story of Andre, if true, seems a bit far fetched if Charles' suspicions are true, the intrigue is getting thicker and thicker, well done Tony, excellent episode, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Thanks for the review, Roy. I think that the whole story is beginning to get a bit far-fetched. I'll have to start getting a bit more selective about some of the things that 'my muse' is offering me! All the best, Tony
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You've done well, some films are equally complex.
Comment from Gail Denham
The story seems to be progressing well, believeable and full of events that lead to one conclusion or another. Wouldn't trust that Kayla further than I could toss her I think.
Good job.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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The story seems to be progressing well, believeable and full of events that lead to one conclusion or another. Wouldn't trust that Kayla further than I could toss her I think.
Good job.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Thanks for the review, Gale. Appreciated. Not sure I'd trust her either! All the best, Tony
Comment from LIJ Red
The common pimp controls his flock with chemical addiction, and those so addicted will steal from mom, dad, and lover to buy a line to snort...things indeed fall heavily into place...excellent chapter...
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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The common pimp controls his flock with chemical addiction, and those so addicted will steal from mom, dad, and lover to buy a line to snort...things indeed fall heavily into place...excellent chapter...
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Thanks for the review, LIJR. Appreciated. Sounds as if Kayla's on the way down. All the best, Tony
Comment from kiwijenny
Oh Kayla and drugs ...I'm not in that world than goodness. Raid ...probably D for drugs...Je ne sais pas le mot en Français
I think I have missed a chapter. Well penned story..intriguing
God bless
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Oh Kayla and drugs ...I'm not in that world than goodness. Raid ...probably D for drugs...Je ne sais pas le mot en Français
I think I have missed a chapter. Well penned story..intriguing
God bless
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Thanks for the review, Jenny. Appreciated. According to Google: Recherche, Assistance, Intervention, Dissuasion, commonly abbreviated RAID, is an elite tactical unit of the French National Police. All the best, Tony
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It sounds so cool when the French say it
Comment from Ulla
Oh dear, so Kayla is on the white stuff and now high as a kite, I presume. I'm still confused what all this about. It's intriguing and everybody seems to be deceiving everybody else. Great writing, Tony. Are you sure you don't know about Robert Goddart? If you don't you should take time reading him. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Oh dear, so Kayla is on the white stuff and now high as a kite, I presume. I'm still confused what all this about. It's intriguing and everybody seems to be deceiving everybody else. Great writing, Tony. Are you sure you don't know about Robert Goddart? If you don't you should take time reading him. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Thanks for the review, Ulla. Thanks for the tip about Robert Goddard. I'll see if I can get a Kindle version of one of his books to have a look at. All the best, Tony
Comment from damommy
So the North African(?) is a dope dealer. Then why is he following Charles and Helen? I would trust Kayla as far as I could throw my car. I think RAID knew she was in the apartment and didn't get her because she's part of it.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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So the North African(?) is a dope dealer. Then why is he following Charles and Helen? I would trust Kayla as far as I could throw my car. I think RAID knew she was in the apartment and didn't get her because she's part of it.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Thanks for the review, Yvonne. I still need to tie up a few loose ends re Bellini and his two henchmen. All the best, Tony
Comment from Treischel
Now that's a greeting I'd relish.
An excellent description of the break in. An intriguing character, this Andre. I wondered too, why they didn't pay attention to Kayla.
The Beatles song was a nice touch.
She must have taken an "upper" while in the bathroom. Ah, yes I see. It was cocaine. intriguing chapter.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Now that's a greeting I'd relish.
An excellent description of the break in. An intriguing character, this Andre. I wondered too, why they didn't pay attention to Kayla.
The Beatles song was a nice touch.
She must have taken an "upper" while in the bathroom. Ah, yes I see. It was cocaine. intriguing chapter.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2019
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Thanks for the review, Tom. Glad you're still finding some interest in this. All the best, Tony