The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "The Piper, part 28"Young Adult Fantasy
16 total reviews
Comment from AvL
I hereby coronate Ms. Debi "Faerie-Queene" ... no offense to Sir Edmund Spenser. This lady knows how to write engaging dialogue that propels her tale forward. Also, she has mastered English grammar and syntax: At one point, she even uses the adverb "hopefully" in the right and proper way. Finally, her mythical people(s) are fully and -- dare I say? -- lovingly drawn. Six rings of power for W. J. Debi.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2019
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I hereby coronate Ms. Debi "Faerie-Queene" ... no offense to Sir Edmund Spenser. This lady knows how to write engaging dialogue that propels her tale forward. Also, she has mastered English grammar and syntax: At one point, she even uses the adverb "hopefully" in the right and proper way. Finally, her mythical people(s) are fully and -- dare I say? -- lovingly drawn. Six rings of power for W. J. Debi.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2019
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Wow, AvL,
Even being mentioned in the same sentence as such a great poet and storyteller is an honor.
Your praise is unexpected and very appreciated.
I certainly appreciate the six rings of power and hope to use them wisely.
Thank you so much!
Debi
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"Three rings for the elven kings" ... [et caetera] Be well.
AvL
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I love "Lord of the Rings"!
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My hero Frodo is among the best-drawn, and most-tragic, characters in all of world-literature. Later.
AvL
Comment from CrystieCookie999
How awesome Piper has an almost bratty sister named Serein, and his mother is gracious and overjoyed to have him there. I kind of think Master Crescendo would have a very specific color of robes on, or maybe there is a faint golden or silvery mist hovering over his fingertips or the strings of his lute. That is just me, or maybe you detailed that in another chapter, and I missed it. Fun read. Developing well.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2019
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How awesome Piper has an almost bratty sister named Serein, and his mother is gracious and overjoyed to have him there. I kind of think Master Crescendo would have a very specific color of robes on, or maybe there is a faint golden or silvery mist hovering over his fingertips or the strings of his lute. That is just me, or maybe you detailed that in another chapter, and I missed it. Fun read. Developing well.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2019
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Hi CrystieCookie,
Thank you for the wonderful comments. Hmm, I hadn't thought about details for Master Crescendo's robe, but I like what you are thinking. I may have to add that. Thank you for the idea.
Debi
Comment from Bill Pinder
I enjoyed reading this chapter of your story about the magical world in which they live. I like the detailed description you gave of your character, Melodica. You did an excellent job making the emotional encounter seem believable.
Bill
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2019
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I enjoyed reading this chapter of your story about the magical world in which they live. I like the detailed description you gave of your character, Melodica. You did an excellent job making the emotional encounter seem believable.
Bill
Comment Written 12-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2019
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Hi Bill,
Thank you for excellent review and for pointing out what you liked. It helps to know what works.
Debi
Comment from lyenochka
I'm so glad that you give us a vocabulary about the "elementals." I really liked how you described the tender moment of mother and Piper reuniting. Loved the simile "like a lost memory surfacing for air." And I like the realistic suspicion of little Serein.
So is Rupert just a human?
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2019
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I'm so glad that you give us a vocabulary about the "elementals." I really liked how you described the tender moment of mother and Piper reuniting. Loved the simile "like a lost memory surfacing for air." And I like the realistic suspicion of little Serein.
So is Rupert just a human?
Comment Written 12-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2019
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Thank you for your thoughtful comments, lyenochka. I wondered about adding information about the elementals in the notes so it is good to know that works. I appreciate you pointing out what you liked. It helps.
Yes, Rupert is just a human. Piper was raised in the human world and Rupert is his best friend.
Comment from wanderlost
Its always hard to understand chapters out of context. The chapter is mostly dialogue, so that's what I'll focus on. The dialogue feels realistic. The only thing that feels forced are some of the names of characters (perhaps a bit on the nose?), but if that's the point then you're doing it right! :) I'm curious to know more deeply why music is so important in the context of this world, and if there are any surprises down the road for your main character that would deviate from conventional expectation. How will this story be unique? I wish you good luck and much creative inspiration as you continue to work!
~W
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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2019
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Its always hard to understand chapters out of context. The chapter is mostly dialogue, so that's what I'll focus on. The dialogue feels realistic. The only thing that feels forced are some of the names of characters (perhaps a bit on the nose?), but if that's the point then you're doing it right! :) I'm curious to know more deeply why music is so important in the context of this world, and if there are any surprises down the road for your main character that would deviate from conventional expectation. How will this story be unique? I wish you good luck and much creative inspiration as you continue to work!
~W
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2019
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Thank you for dropping in, wanderlost. I appreciate you taking the time, especially since this is in the middle of the story. I appreciate your kind comments and the encouragement.
To answer your question about music, it is important because Piper has a talent for using the magic in music to control the world around him. To this point it has been a natural ability he hasn't been aware he was using. Meeting the high mage is about to change things in Piper's world. Hope that helps.
Debi
Comment from royowen
So Piper meets his Elven mother Meliodica, but is a little circumspect after believing his real mother was human, but it turns out he's half and half, his sister is a little suspicious of him. Redd-Lief is likewise his father, it's a lot to take in, as it is for me. But I love fantasy with Fae folk, well done my friend, good reading, blessings, Roy
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reply by the author on 12-Dec-2019
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So Piper meets his Elven mother Meliodica, but is a little circumspect after believing his real mother was human, but it turns out he's half and half, his sister is a little suspicious of him. Redd-Lief is likewise his father, it's a lot to take in, as it is for me. But I love fantasy with Fae folk, well done my friend, good reading, blessings, Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2019
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Hi Roy,
Thank you for the analysis and encouraging comments. I appreciate you following the story. Thank you for the excellent review.
Debi
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My pleasure Debi