Chosen
Because the call comes in many forms...26 total reviews
Comment from Angela VA
Shew. This was a long one, but well worth the read! The color and font changes made the dream and waking worlds easy to distinguish. The voices of the characters are clear and fitting. The only hiccup for me was trying to read the line, "Dang, Jimmy, folks agit old..." I had to read it a couple times to know what he was saying, which interrupted the flow. A Western may have felt difficult, but you did well with this.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Shew. This was a long one, but well worth the read! The color and font changes made the dream and waking worlds easy to distinguish. The voices of the characters are clear and fitting. The only hiccup for me was trying to read the line, "Dang, Jimmy, folks agit old..." I had to read it a couple times to know what he was saying, which interrupted the flow. A Western may have felt difficult, but you did well with this.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Oh, Angela -- thank you so much for your wonderful review (and those awesome stars, my lady!!). I changed the 'slang' in that one a bit to:
folks'll git old waitin on ya
Hopefully, that will 'sound' clearer (if that's a thing - lol!). :) And, yeah, it was long.... but I wracked my brain for weeks trying to come up with something to do with a 'Western rosary'... LOL!! ;) :) So very glad you enjoyed the results!
Here's wishing you a Merry Christmastime from my corner of the world to yours! ;) :) Yvette
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That sounds like a good fix. Merry Christmas to you, too!
Comment from royowen
Just loved this lengthy story, you write with that same style, lots of symbolism with conjecture running through my mind. The officer who looks like father Worth, and two wayward, abusive brothers, who are two brutes of men. (Reminds me of my some of my footballing "friends". Well done Yvette, fascinating work, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Just loved this lengthy story, you write with that same style, lots of symbolism with conjecture running through my mind. The officer who looks like father Worth, and two wayward, abusive brothers, who are two brutes of men. (Reminds me of my some of my footballing "friends". Well done Yvette, fascinating work, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Thank you so very much for taking the time to read my story, Roy -- it was certainly not my genre of choice.... and, you're so right, there was much metaphor and more written into it - that's my 'fantasy' girl trying to co-op my Western story...LOL! LOL! Take care, sir, and Happy Christmasing! ;) Yvette
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Well dove
Comment from w.j.debi
I really enjoyed reading this story. You handle the jumping between the dream sequences and reality well. James is a well developed character. Your descriptions are excellent as is your dialogue.
Westerns may not be your genre of choice, but you seems to have nailed it with this one.
Best of luck in the contest. You have to be a contender with this one.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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I really enjoyed reading this story. You handle the jumping between the dream sequences and reality well. James is a well developed character. Your descriptions are excellent as is your dialogue.
Westerns may not be your genre of choice, but you seems to have nailed it with this one.
Best of luck in the contest. You have to be a contender with this one.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Oh, W.J. - thank you, THANK YOU!! :) Thank you for stars and thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read my story - both are just wonderful and so very appreciated!! ;)
And I'm sure it's too long to do well, but once I got really into it, I HAD to finish it completely... just the OCD nerd out here again! ;)
Take care and Happy Christmasing out there! ;) Yvette
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You are most welcome. Some of the others were long too. I read them all and liked yours best.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Sounds like Jimmy/James is the white sheep of the family. His speech impediment must have made his brothers ashamed of him, but they were involved in hold-ups. I appreciate the author notes. This sounds like little miracles occurred in the same vein as other small Catholic miracles, like a rosary appearing after a dream, and in spite of the brother destroying it, and reappearing in the soldier dream on the saddle horn. Love having a mysterious horse be part of the dream sequence.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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Sounds like Jimmy/James is the white sheep of the family. His speech impediment must have made his brothers ashamed of him, but they were involved in hold-ups. I appreciate the author notes. This sounds like little miracles occurred in the same vein as other small Catholic miracles, like a rosary appearing after a dream, and in spite of the brother destroying it, and reappearing in the soldier dream on the saddle horn. Love having a mysterious horse be part of the dream sequence.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2019
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The rosary on the saddle horn was not part of a dream... ;) :) Thanx so much for your review, Crystie! ;) :) Always so good to hear from you, ma'am -- glad you enjoyed! ;) Merry Christmas! ;) Yvette
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Sorry, I guess I was finding a lot of blending dream with reality even on two reads. I meant to say it appeared in real life.
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No apologies, my friend!! ;) Just wanted you to know that it ended in reality...lol!! ;) :) Take care!! ;) Yvette
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hey Yvette. You did a great job on this story. At first I wasn't sure about the dream sequence but it then became clearer. You concealed the ending very well. I actually thought it was possible he was heading for eternity. Lots of symbolism and metaphors. My kind of story. It worked to a gratifying conclusion. Great job. :))) Z
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Hey Yvette. You did a great job on this story. At first I wasn't sure about the dream sequence but it then became clearer. You concealed the ending very well. I actually thought it was possible he was heading for eternity. Lots of symbolism and metaphors. My kind of story. It worked to a gratifying conclusion. Great job. :))) Z
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Thank you so very much for taking the time to read my story, Z -- it was certainly not my genre of choice.... and, you're so right, there was much metaphor and more written into it - that's my 'fantasy' girl trying to co-op my Western story...LOL! LOL! Take care, sir, and Happy Christmasing out there! ;) Yvette
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You're welcome.
Comment from aryr
Good luck in the contest, Yvette. This was a great story about the adventures of Jimmy who truly became James or rather Father James. It addressed the cruelty of his two brothers-Reid and Steve, who constantly belittled Jimmy's speech. The kindness he saw in the gestures of his dreams. Great job.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Good luck in the contest, Yvette. This was a great story about the adventures of Jimmy who truly became James or rather Father James. It addressed the cruelty of his two brothers-Reid and Steve, who constantly belittled Jimmy's speech. The kindness he saw in the gestures of his dreams. Great job.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Thank you so very much for taking the time to read my story, Alie -- it was certainly not my genre of choice (you know this, yeah?) and then to mix in a Rosary out West? Aaaack!! Let's just say I actually procrastinated in getting started and STILL had no idea for the whole thing even once I was tapping out the beginning dream sequence - LOL! ;) : ) And, of course, there was certainly much metaphor and more woven into it - that's my 'fantasy' girl trying to co-op my Western story...LOL! LOL!
And I'm sure it's too long to do well, but once I got really into it, I HAD to finish it completely... just the OCD girl again! ;)
Take care, my lady! ;) Yvette
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LOL, Yvette, the Wild West will never be the same after your story. It was great and you are so welcome.
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Yes!! I always wanted to change some landscape other than our front yard -- I like the thought of it being 'The Wild West'!! ;) Take care, my lady, and thank you for you! ;)
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LOL, the campground/ RV park we are at is called 'Wild Rest Ranch & RV Resort' formerly owned by John Wayne- can't get much more western than that, lol.
Comment from Gail Denham
Interesting twist on a typical western story - only never typical in the story you've written. A new soul for this boy - away from the torment and horror of his brothers. Quite interesting, altho I'm not sure I catch all the implications.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Interesting twist on a typical western story - only never typical in the story you've written. A new soul for this boy - away from the torment and horror of his brothers. Quite interesting, altho I'm not sure I catch all the implications.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Thank you for taking the time to read my story, Gail -- it was certainly not my genre of choice.... and there was certainly much metaphor and more written into it - that's my 'fantasy' girl trying to co-op my Western story...LOL! LOL! Take care, my lady! ;) Yvette
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
It always amazes me how some people have such active imaginations as to weave an interesting story, in the twinkle of an eye. I am not one of those. It appears you are. Given the tools you were given you went to the loom and neatly wove a story about "a calling" or what we call "vocation." Jimmy was an innocent with the unfortunate situation of being a lackey to two mean brothers and I would, by all means, want to extricate him from that situation. You did it quite craftily, through dreams and interested associates. My only query is how the actual rosary materialized after his dreams? Other than that it was a profound means of nudging him to be what he was meant to be. Great work and the picture tops it off. Good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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It always amazes me how some people have such active imaginations as to weave an interesting story, in the twinkle of an eye. I am not one of those. It appears you are. Given the tools you were given you went to the loom and neatly wove a story about "a calling" or what we call "vocation." Jimmy was an innocent with the unfortunate situation of being a lackey to two mean brothers and I would, by all means, want to extricate him from that situation. You did it quite craftily, through dreams and interested associates. My only query is how the actual rosary materialized after his dreams? Other than that it was a profound means of nudging him to be what he was meant to be. Great work and the picture tops it off. Good luck in the contest
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Wow -- what a wonderful review, Raffaelina!! ;) Thank you for taking the time to read my story -- it was certainly not my genre of choice .... and there was certainly much metaphor and more written into it - that's my 'fantasy' girl trying to co-op my Western story...LOL! LOL! Take care, my lady! ;) Yvette
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Yvette, your feedback about my feedback is very heartwarming. Thank you.
Comment from Sally Law
A fine piece of work and six worthy, dear Yvette. Your talent in writing is showcased here so well. I'm not sure I could've done lines of stuttering and made it so authentic! I was just bemoaning the lack of quality prose these days, and now--kaboom! My hope has been restored today. Brava!!
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xoxo
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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A fine piece of work and six worthy, dear Yvette. Your talent in writing is showcased here so well. I'm not sure I could've done lines of stuttering and made it so authentic! I was just bemoaning the lack of quality prose these days, and now--kaboom! My hope has been restored today. Brava!!
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xoxo
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Oh, Sally - THANK YOU!! :) Thank you for stars and thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read my story -- it was certainly not my genre of choice (you know this!) and then to mix in a Rosary? Let's just say I actually procrastinated in getting started and STILL had no idea for the whole thing even once I was tapping out the beginning dream sequence - LOL! ;) : ) And, of course, there was certainly much metaphor and more woven into it - that's my 'fantasy' girl trying to co-op my Western story...LOL! LOL! Take care, my lady! ;) Yvette
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My pleasure, dear friend. :)
Comment from robyn corum
Yvette,
Wow. What a trip! What a crazy trip! I really enjoyed this story and watching your boundless imagination in action. I really have no idea what I might have done with the components you were given - but you did great! It was entertaining and creative and delightful. The ending was completely unexpected!
Some notes:
1.) They'd stripped of(f) their 'heavier' clothing and unsaddled the horses,
2.) "Remember, son" - the officer reached to grasp Jimmy's (shoulder) tightly
3.) Steve, who had already (sidled?) up to the bar and was
4.) As she fought Steve and bellowing guy muscled his way through the rows of cheering men and silly dancers to get to them, the bartender reached
--> As she fought Steve(,) bellowing guy muscled his way through the rows of cheering men and silly dancers to get to them, (and) the bartender reached...
All just suggestions, yours to consider or toss, of course.
This is a terrific entry for the contest and I KNOW you'll do well. Good luck!!!
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Yvette,
Wow. What a trip! What a crazy trip! I really enjoyed this story and watching your boundless imagination in action. I really have no idea what I might have done with the components you were given - but you did great! It was entertaining and creative and delightful. The ending was completely unexpected!
Some notes:
1.) They'd stripped of(f) their 'heavier' clothing and unsaddled the horses,
2.) "Remember, son" - the officer reached to grasp Jimmy's (shoulder) tightly
3.) Steve, who had already (sidled?) up to the bar and was
4.) As she fought Steve and bellowing guy muscled his way through the rows of cheering men and silly dancers to get to them, the bartender reached
--> As she fought Steve(,) bellowing guy muscled his way through the rows of cheering men and silly dancers to get to them, (and) the bartender reached...
All just suggestions, yours to consider or toss, of course.
This is a terrific entry for the contest and I KNOW you'll do well. Good luck!!!
Comment Written 17-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
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Thank you for taking the time to really read my story and provide those catches, Robyn -- so very appreciated on both fronts! ;) And it was certainly not my genre of choice and then to mix in a Rosary? Let's just say I actually procrastinated in getting started and STILL had no idea for the whole thing even once I was tapping out the beginning dream sequence - LOL! ;) : ) And, of course, there was certainly much metaphor and more woven into it - that's my 'fantasy' girl trying to co-op my Western story...LOL! LOL!
And I'm sure it's too long to do well, but once I got really into it, I HAD to finish it completely... just the OCD girl again! ;)
Take care, my lady! ;) Yvette