Tanka (Embracing Solitude)
Tanka25 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
This time you have captured the essentials of tanka. That third line is a good satori for the kami-no-ku (upper poem). It makes one think, 'Yes of course it is, but I had never thought of it that way before. As such it also completes the kami-no-ku at the same time as forming the first line of the shmo-no-ku (lower poem).
An interesting point here concerns the meaning of those last two lines. Do you intend to mean '...as in contemplative quietness I breathe' or '...as I inhale contemplative quietness. There is a subtle difference that could be resolved with either, 'surrounds me as I inhale
contemplative quietness.'
or,
'surrounds me as I breathe
in contemplative quietness.'
depending on your intention.
Yes I know this may render those last two lines 6-8 rather than 7-7 but the linear total is not a problem as long as the overall total remains at 31 max. The 5-7-5-7-7 format is a guideline not a rule.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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This time you have captured the essentials of tanka. That third line is a good satori for the kami-no-ku (upper poem). It makes one think, 'Yes of course it is, but I had never thought of it that way before. As such it also completes the kami-no-ku at the same time as forming the first line of the shmo-no-ku (lower poem).
An interesting point here concerns the meaning of those last two lines. Do you intend to mean '...as in contemplative quietness I breathe' or '...as I inhale contemplative quietness. There is a subtle difference that could be resolved with either, 'surrounds me as I inhale
contemplative quietness.'
or,
'surrounds me as I breathe
in contemplative quietness.'
depending on your intention.
Yes I know this may render those last two lines 6-8 rather than 7-7 but the linear total is not a problem as long as the overall total remains at 31 max. The 5-7-5-7-7 format is a guideline not a rule.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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I really appreciate you and your comments on this Tanka, Jim, both in this review and on TS3 too. I hope you find a spot to inhale contemplative quietness too :)
Melissa
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Tanka about solitude in nature is like a peaceful sunrise and the quietness of the early morning causing deep tranquility. An awesome picture to complement your poem.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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A very well-written Tanka about solitude in nature is like a peaceful sunrise and the quietness of the early morning causing deep tranquility. An awesome picture to complement your poem.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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Hi Sandra... thanks so much, my friend.
Melissa
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your nature tanka is skillfully-composed and vividly descriptive. The tone is peaceful and relaxing, and the theme of being one with nature for a while is appealing.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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Your nature tanka is skillfully-composed and vividly descriptive. The tone is peaceful and relaxing, and the theme of being one with nature for a while is appealing.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2020
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I am really glad this peaceful verse resonated with you Janice. Thank you.
Melissa
Comment from Irish Rain
I am trying to read as many
of these as I come across,
hopefully to understand the
form better.
Yours is so beautiful.
Love the picture too!
Good luck,
blessings...
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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I am trying to read as many
of these as I come across,
hopefully to understand the
form better.
Yours is so beautiful.
Love the picture too!
Good luck,
blessings...
Comment Written 29-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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Hello Judy. Thank you for your lovely comments. I am glad you liked it!!
:)
Melissa
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You're welcome! Have a nice Thursday!!
Comment from Therese Caron
The older I get (yikes), I enjoy solitude more and more. I love to read and write, and a lot of that was on hold when I always had a houseful of kids and dogs. Now I have time, and although I miss my kids, I enjoy the solitude. I love the phrase delicious solitude. Breathtaking image and beautiful wording. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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The older I get (yikes), I enjoy solitude more and more. I love to read and write, and a lot of that was on hold when I always had a houseful of kids and dogs. Now I have time, and although I miss my kids, I enjoy the solitude. I love the phrase delicious solitude. Breathtaking image and beautiful wording. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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Hello Terry. I know what you mean about enjoying the quiet in the house...especially when I am writing. Thanks so much for your lovely comments. :)
Melissa
Comment from kahpot
I like the Tanka form, and this one is exceptional, "delicious solitude" this brings a great image to mind, "contemplative quietness" is just so relaxing to thought, great artwork for this very peaceful poem, very well presented and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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I like the Tanka form, and this one is exceptional, "delicious solitude" this brings a great image to mind, "contemplative quietness" is just so relaxing to thought, great artwork for this very peaceful poem, very well presented and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 29-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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Hello Kah.... thank you very much. I am glad you enjoyed this one about a quiet reverie... much appreciated.
Melissa
Comment from juliaSjames
Dear Melissa
The pivot line in this tanka is exquisite. I recall driving home in the early morning after the birth of my first granddaughter. Venus was sparkling in the brightening sky and I felt an indescribable sense of peace and contentment. Your inspired line brings those feelings back to me.
I enjoyed the write as a whole. Your word choice is superb. I think I would recommend a little " show" in the first two lines would be a bonus. Easy as pie for you!
Best wishes for the contest. I'm seeking inspiration to compose my own entry. LOL.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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Dear Melissa
The pivot line in this tanka is exquisite. I recall driving home in the early morning after the birth of my first granddaughter. Venus was sparkling in the brightening sky and I felt an indescribable sense of peace and contentment. Your inspired line brings those feelings back to me.
I enjoyed the write as a whole. Your word choice is superb. I think I would recommend a little " show" in the first two lines would be a bonus. Easy as pie for you!
Best wishes for the contest. I'm seeking inspiration to compose my own entry. LOL.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 29-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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Hello Julia. I truly thank you for your lovely comments and recommendation... I will think on that a while. Thanks so very much!!
Melissa
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You're welcome dear Melissa.
Comment from Sally Law
A lovely Tanka poem you have here, dear Melissa. I wonderful offering for the contest. So beautifully penned and illustrated, too.
Sending my best today as always, and my very best for the contest.
Sally xoxo
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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A lovely Tanka poem you have here, dear Melissa. I wonderful offering for the contest. So beautifully penned and illustrated, too.
Sending my best today as always, and my very best for the contest.
Sally xoxo
Comment Written 29-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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Thank you very much Sally. I appreciate it. have a lovely evening!!
Melissa
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Breathing in the tranquility here made me feel calm and peaceful Melissa, breathing of course is so integral to feeling at peace, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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Breathing in the tranquility here made me feel calm and peaceful Melissa, breathing of course is so integral to feeling at peace, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 29-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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I think you, dear Dolly, for your lovely review... glad you enjoyed it. :)
Melissa
Comment from LisaMay
Your tanka exudes calm, capturing very clearly the enjoyment (delicious) to be gained from "contemplative quietness" at the loveliest time of day - dawn - when its "peaceful aura" can be absorbed in solitude. I can imagine a yoga position at the same time.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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Your tanka exudes calm, capturing very clearly the enjoyment (delicious) to be gained from "contemplative quietness" at the loveliest time of day - dawn - when its "peaceful aura" can be absorbed in solitude. I can imagine a yoga position at the same time.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2020
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Hi Lisa. I am so glad you enjoyed this Tanka... I love the quietness of the morning!! Thank you.
Melissa