RESIDUE OF WAR
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "If Only "And the futility of it all...
28 total reviews
Comment from papa55mike
The Navy runs deep in my family. Uncles, nephews, aunts, my brother, and grandson. It's so difficult to be away for so long and how much change has happened. What a wonderfully written poem. It's no longer than the ones I write.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2020
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The Navy runs deep in my family. Uncles, nephews, aunts, my brother, and grandson. It's so difficult to be away for so long and how much change has happened. What a wonderfully written poem. It's no longer than the ones I write.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 25-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2020
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Thank you Mike, God bless you too xoxo
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Touching. Glad your dad came back, though what dreadful pain you all suffered. My favorite verse: We chased each other, pinned-the-tail;
played other silly games. Or I'd catch beetles, moths and snails,
and give them all a name. All the best. LIZ
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2020
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Touching. Glad your dad came back, though what dreadful pain you all suffered. My favorite verse: We chased each other, pinned-the-tail;
played other silly games. Or I'd catch beetles, moths and snails,
and give them all a name. All the best. LIZ
Comment Written 25-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much Liz xoxo
Comment from bob cullen
Emotion has temporarily rendered me speechless.
This is an amazing work with I sense a whole load of fact spiced into it. It is long, but every word is needed to present the entire story.
You have presented the story of so many returning soldiers. A brilliant write.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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Emotion has temporarily rendered me speechless.
This is an amazing work with I sense a whole load of fact spiced into it. It is long, but every word is needed to present the entire story.
You have presented the story of so many returning soldiers. A brilliant write.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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Thank you very much bob. Your comments have made me feel very humbled and honoured indeed xoxoxoxo
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a wonderful saga. It is easy to feel and think as a reader that we understand the life of those left behind by those serving our country but we do not. Those serving come home damaged and previously those left behind begin their service helping their loved ones.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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This is a wonderful saga. It is easy to feel and think as a reader that we understand the life of those left behind by those serving our country but we do not. Those serving come home damaged and previously those left behind begin their service helping their loved ones.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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Yes, you do understand what everyone goes through who is involved in war. It is a very difficult thing for all concerned, and I'm glad that nowadays, there are services in place to help those families and the returning soldiers, deal with the emotional roller coaster that otherwise, may break them apart. Thank you for your thoughtful review!
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
You are very generous to share these feelings with your readers. The poem is quite wonderful in its in depth depiction of how a child and mother coped through the years of their husband and father's military
absence. The letter is a beautiful offering and any father would be so proud to receive it. A lovely presentation. I'm sorry I don't have a six to give here. It is what is deserved. Exceptional!
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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You are very generous to share these feelings with your readers. The poem is quite wonderful in its in depth depiction of how a child and mother coped through the years of their husband and father's military
absence. The letter is a beautiful offering and any father would be so proud to receive it. A lovely presentation. I'm sorry I don't have a six to give here. It is what is deserved. Exceptional!
Comment Written 24-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2020
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Don't be sorry! It's the thought that counts, so that makes me happy anyway. Thank you very much for your wonderful review and comments; you've made my day!
Comment from Patty Palmer
Yes, I read the whole poem! It's very good! Totally well written. Once, a long time ago, I was an army wife. We had no children so when he was gone I was all alone. My son was on the Army, He had a wife and infant son. I saw how hard it was on her at first when he left for Iraq for the second time. The baby had just been born literally the day before he left. The baby was ill and wouldn't gain weight. She was exhausted and scared so her mom and I (both of us nurses) went to Kentucky to help out. We put the mama to bed because she was worn out. We fed the baby little bits of formula and he started to gain weight. Something to do with her milk he couldn't tolerate. Anyway, the third tour to Iraq sadly did them in. She had become so independent that she didn't need him and she had found someone else while he was gone. He of course. with the problems, the war left him with he was devastated. But time went on and the world didn't fall apart. Now, I guess I read all of your poem, but it's ok if you didn't finish this. Us, old ladies tend to ramble a bit.
Pattu
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Yes, I read the whole poem! It's very good! Totally well written. Once, a long time ago, I was an army wife. We had no children so when he was gone I was all alone. My son was on the Army, He had a wife and infant son. I saw how hard it was on her at first when he left for Iraq for the second time. The baby had just been born literally the day before he left. The baby was ill and wouldn't gain weight. She was exhausted and scared so her mom and I (both of us nurses) went to Kentucky to help out. We put the mama to bed because she was worn out. We fed the baby little bits of formula and he started to gain weight. Something to do with her milk he couldn't tolerate. Anyway, the third tour to Iraq sadly did them in. She had become so independent that she didn't need him and she had found someone else while he was gone. He of course. with the problems, the war left him with he was devastated. But time went on and the world didn't fall apart. Now, I guess I read all of your poem, but it's ok if you didn't finish this. Us, old ladies tend to ramble a bit.
Pattu
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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It's not a life for everyone. Even though, outwardly, I appeared to be the "perfect Navy wife", I really wasn't. Instead, I shut down emotionally because I couldn't cope with the constant goodbyes and hello's. I tried, but failed. My daughter coped much better with it than I ever did, which is why it got too much and I left, four years after he retired from Service.
I read ALL of your review too, trust me! Ramble us "oldies" might, but sometimes we make sense in the middle of those ramblings. I loved your review, and thank you again, for reading the whole poem. And for sharing a part of your own life. Funny, I always felt alone way back then, even though I wasn't. It's not a life for the faint hearted, that's for sure! xoxoxoxxo
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Thank you for reading my whole review! LOLPatty
Comment from Gail Denham
Those were always and still are - trying times. Thanks for sharing this overlook at how it often was - and perhaps still is. The mothers (or fathers) left behind to care for the children. And then the father's inability to talk about what he saw or did. A never-ending cycle.
Good job
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Those were always and still are - trying times. Thanks for sharing this overlook at how it often was - and perhaps still is. The mothers (or fathers) left behind to care for the children. And then the father's inability to talk about what he saw or did. A never-ending cycle.
Good job
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thank you Gail for a stellar review and the six shiny stars! xoxoxo
Comment from Minglement
First of all, 'Hi' and welcome back. I too was away and am recently back. We have other things in common, like a father in the military and that made your touching poem all the more meaningful to me. Nice job on this touching poem :)
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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First of all, 'Hi' and welcome back. I too was away and am recently back. We have other things in common, like a father in the military and that made your touching poem all the more meaningful to me. Nice job on this touching poem :)
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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Thanks very much, hi, and welcome back lol xoxoxox
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You are most welcome, and thanks. My daughter is a 'cancer baby'. Nicest people on the planet :)
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And the most complex and confusing lol
Comment from Michele Harber
This is very poignant, Chris, and very relatable. Everyone can sympathize with the child missing her father, and we watch that child grow up throughout the poem, as her relationship with each of her parents changes. It's a great rhyming poem but, if it were mine, I'd have entered it in the Tell a Story in a Poem contest. That one has a more limited field of entry, as it's more specific than just any rhyming poem, and this is a perfect fit. (Lest you think I'm just afraid of having this as competition - which I am - know that I'm hoping to enter something in the other contest as well.)
You tell your story very believably, with well chosen rhymes that don't distract from the story itself. The only problem I do have with the poem is the inconsistency of the meter. Throughout much of the poem, the third line in each stanza is of a certain length and syllable count (at least to within one syllable). The first stanza stands out for not adhering to that, but there's a very quick and simple fix. Put "whenever" at the end of the line before it, and lose the comma after "odd," and you'll see how much more smoothly that reads.
There's still an issue of stress points being inconsistent but, for the most part, the strength and intensity of the story overcomes that. I would just be a little more careful, nearer the end of the poem, of line length, so the reader isn't forced into an abrupt stop in his or her reading because he expected the line to continue.
Otherwise, you had me with you in the story every step of the way. Just so you know, I almost never read poems this long, but I read every word of this, as well as your notes at the end, and I enjoyed all of it. Good luck in the contest - and I really do mean that.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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This is very poignant, Chris, and very relatable. Everyone can sympathize with the child missing her father, and we watch that child grow up throughout the poem, as her relationship with each of her parents changes. It's a great rhyming poem but, if it were mine, I'd have entered it in the Tell a Story in a Poem contest. That one has a more limited field of entry, as it's more specific than just any rhyming poem, and this is a perfect fit. (Lest you think I'm just afraid of having this as competition - which I am - know that I'm hoping to enter something in the other contest as well.)
You tell your story very believably, with well chosen rhymes that don't distract from the story itself. The only problem I do have with the poem is the inconsistency of the meter. Throughout much of the poem, the third line in each stanza is of a certain length and syllable count (at least to within one syllable). The first stanza stands out for not adhering to that, but there's a very quick and simple fix. Put "whenever" at the end of the line before it, and lose the comma after "odd," and you'll see how much more smoothly that reads.
There's still an issue of stress points being inconsistent but, for the most part, the strength and intensity of the story overcomes that. I would just be a little more careful, nearer the end of the poem, of line length, so the reader isn't forced into an abrupt stop in his or her reading because he expected the line to continue.
Otherwise, you had me with you in the story every step of the way. Just so you know, I almost never read poems this long, but I read every word of this, as well as your notes at the end, and I enjoyed all of it. Good luck in the contest - and I really do mean that.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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I have to thank you for this excellent review. I made some changes, and could certainly see what you meant in the first stanza. It's funny, but I've read this poem over and over and over, and still didn't notice that. We have said before, though, that fresh eyes see more clearly! Definitely true here. I've tried to adjust line length where I thought there may have been a problem, but don't know if I got it right. Still and all, a love a review that is constructive and encouraging, as yours has been. Thanks once again my friend!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written heartfelt sad poem/letter the soldiers lives are not only influencing themselves but also place a burden on their family a home leaving pain and scars that take years to heal.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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A very well-written heartfelt sad poem/letter the soldiers lives are not only influencing themselves but also place a burden on their family a home leaving pain and scars that take years to heal.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2020
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...and causes marriages to break up as well, which is sadly what happened to mine 10 years ago. This poem isn't quite autobiographical, but close. I appreciate your comments and your perception of the poem; that's always a plus! Thank you very much Sandra xoxoxoxo