The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "The Piper, part 36"Young Adult Fantasy
14 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Nice development of the tale in this chapter. It'll be interesting to see how Rupert truly reacts come the next part. the relationship is good between them.
Lots of nice descriptiveness in this instalment which gives a real sense of place.
Lush trees and bushes surrounded the perimeter of the meadow. - you could omit 'the perimeter' here and lose nothing from the sentence or meaning.
The scent of evergreen trees mixed with those of the flowers and bushes, filling the air with wonderful scents. - perhaps consider changing one of use of scent(s) to smell(s) or suchlike to avoid the repetition in the same sentence.
All the best
G
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reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Hi there,
Nice development of the tale in this chapter. It'll be interesting to see how Rupert truly reacts come the next part. the relationship is good between them.
Lots of nice descriptiveness in this instalment which gives a real sense of place.
Lush trees and bushes surrounded the perimeter of the meadow. - you could omit 'the perimeter' here and lose nothing from the sentence or meaning.
The scent of evergreen trees mixed with those of the flowers and bushes, filling the air with wonderful scents. - perhaps consider changing one of use of scent(s) to smell(s) or suchlike to avoid the repetition in the same sentence.
All the best
G
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Hi G,
Thank you for the encouraging comments and suggestions for improvement. I appreciate your help in improving my writing. I have made the adjustments you suggested.
Debi
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I wonder what Rupert will think of Piper now? Will he be able to keep the secret that piper is half-Fae? That"Redd-Leif Summerstorm is his father; his elven wife, Melodica, is his mother. "That is quite a lot for him to take in all at once. How will he handle it? Good Job, Debi. Nancy:)
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reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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I wonder what Rupert will think of Piper now? Will he be able to keep the secret that piper is half-Fae? That"Redd-Leif Summerstorm is his father; his elven wife, Melodica, is his mother. "That is quite a lot for him to take in all at once. How will he handle it? Good Job, Debi. Nancy:)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Hi Nancy,
Thank you for letting me know the questions this chapter raises. Those questions are exactly what I was going for.
Debi
Comment from rspoet
Hello Debi,
What a great chapter in the story! The big reveal is perfect. If my sense of
the friendship between Rupert and Piper is true, Rupert will revel in the knowledge that his best friend is an elemental. How cool is that!
Your description of the fae land is magical, as it should be. I love the name 'Mischief' for the fae game, a great choice. That's pretty much what many of the games I played resulted in. We called the night before Halloween Mischief Night.
Can't wait to read the next episode.
Well done.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Robert
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Hello Debi,
What a great chapter in the story! The big reveal is perfect. If my sense of
the friendship between Rupert and Piper is true, Rupert will revel in the knowledge that his best friend is an elemental. How cool is that!
Your description of the fae land is magical, as it should be. I love the name 'Mischief' for the fae game, a great choice. That's pretty much what many of the games I played resulted in. We called the night before Halloween Mischief Night.
Can't wait to read the next episode.
Well done.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Robert
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Hi Robert,
Thank you for such a great response to this chapter. I appreciate it so much. I love that you liked to get into mischief yourself. I think I'll have to adopt your name for the night before Halloween. It's perfect.
Thank you for the six stars to brighten my day.
Debi
Comment from tfawcus
I'm afraid I've missed quite a few chapters of this, but coming back into it I've found it easy to pick up the threads. You have some marvellous descriptions in this chapter, and I like the way you use Piper's thoughts mixed in with the dialogue. I can't offer any suggestions for improvement except, perhaps, a comma here: "So, how is it(,) staying with the 'royal family' of Elfhaven?"
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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I'm afraid I've missed quite a few chapters of this, but coming back into it I've found it easy to pick up the threads. You have some marvellous descriptions in this chapter, and I like the way you use Piper's thoughts mixed in with the dialogue. I can't offer any suggestions for improvement except, perhaps, a comma here: "So, how is it(,) staying with the 'royal family' of Elfhaven?"
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 18-May-2020
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Hi Tony,
Thank you for the shiny six stars and encouraging comments. I appreciate you pointing out what you liked and the suggestion for improvement. I have made the change.
Have a wonderful day.
Debi