Heart Cafted Poems - 2020
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "The Hobo"Musings of an old man -2020
22 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about running away from home to find oneself, we do not need many things just clothes and a few necessities.
I suggest your try dictionary.com for showing the stressed and unstressed words or in longer words where the stress is. Another thing you can remember 'a' and 'the' is always unstressed.
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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A very well-written poem about running away from home to find oneself, we do not need many things just clothes and a few necessities.
I suggest your try dictionary.com for showing the stressed and unstressed words or in longer words where the stress is. Another thing you can remember 'a' and 'the' is always unstressed.
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Sandra, I have printed this out to use moving forward, thank you. I will get this!
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This is a great poem and reminded me of a hobo who came by the house when I was five. Mother fed him and provided food for his next two meals. He had the stick and bundle just like your art work.
Noticed one typo:
"best be glad then to be mad." (than)
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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This is a great poem and reminded me of a hobo who came by the house when I was five. Mother fed him and provided food for his next two meals. He had the stick and bundle just like your art work.
Noticed one typo:
"best be glad then to be mad." (than)
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Great catch! you are to kind!
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Glad to help!
Comment from A. Louise Robertson
This is a delightful poem and the artwork is a perfect accompaniment. I was enchanted by the story of running away with holes in the shoes and the ultimate goal of going fishing a a favorite fishing spot.
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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This is a delightful poem and the artwork is a perfect accompaniment. I was enchanted by the story of running away with holes in the shoes and the ultimate goal of going fishing a a favorite fishing spot.
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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thank you Lou, I apprecaite it/
Comment from Sally Law
Your meter looks and sounds good to me, but I don't claim to be an expert in that department. I'm an accidental poet. I love the theme and so well penned and illustrated. Sweet as can be.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Your meter looks and sounds good to me, but I don't claim to be an expert in that department. I'm an accidental poet. I love the theme and so well penned and illustrated. Sweet as can be.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Sal . as always you are I are of the same mindset, words from the heart should just be --what they are words from the heart, not a vehicle to be marked up with red checks for accuracy --Although with that said, I do want to learn to do it correctly, so I endeavor daily to "fail forward" and so love doing so...
Comment from amada
I think you wrote here a fresh and different lie of a happy hobo. would imagine how easy is for him to move...I mean in spirit and in material things. Material things really are heavy on us. This hobo knows what is light...
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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I think you wrote here a fresh and different lie of a happy hobo. would imagine how easy is for him to move...I mean in spirit and in material things. Material things really are heavy on us. This hobo knows what is light...
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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thanks amada, I appreciate your positive comments.
Comment from oliver818
This is a very nice poem. 8 enjoyed reading it. It flows well and has a nice feel to it. I especially like the description of the hobos clothes. Thanks for sharing this and have a really great day
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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This is a very nice poem. 8 enjoyed reading it. It flows well and has a nice feel to it. I especially like the description of the hobos clothes. Thanks for sharing this and have a really great day
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Oliver thanks I have room for improvement, I appreciate your review
Comment from Mary Furlong
This is a good attempt at iambic pentameter, which is so difficult to write.
That's partly because it's so hard to keep track of stressed syllables. People read things in different ways, putting the emphasis on different syllables. The trick is to remind yourself as to how people actually talk and make your lines reflect that. One way to do that is to type showing emphasis. Here is your first line as most people would read it.
THIS is the DAY when I was to GO a-WAY.
Here it is as iambic pentameter:
This IS the DAY when I would GO a=WAY
i hope this helps.
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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This is a good attempt at iambic pentameter, which is so difficult to write.
That's partly because it's so hard to keep track of stressed syllables. People read things in different ways, putting the emphasis on different syllables. The trick is to remind yourself as to how people actually talk and make your lines reflect that. One way to do that is to type showing emphasis. Here is your first line as most people would read it.
THIS is the DAY when I was to GO a-WAY.
Here it is as iambic pentameter:
This IS the DAY when I would GO a=WAY
i hope this helps.
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Mary, thank you any positive feedback helps and I will continue to massage this with such feedback. thank you!
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
You didn't get the meter right, and the toes of the socks dying, that line doesn't work. I will change my rating if you can get your meter right because the rest of the poem is all right. I do like the optimism of the man in the poem.
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reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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You didn't get the meter right, and the toes of the socks dying, that line doesn't work. I will change my rating if you can get your meter right because the rest of the poem is all right. I do like the optimism of the man in the poem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Thank you for this feedback, thank you any critical feedback helps and I will continue to massage this with such feedback. thank you!
Comment from Aisha Lowe
Wow! I absolutely loved this poem. The rhythm and flow of language was flawless. The imagery created blew my mind away. I enjoyed reading it. Rhyming in iambic pentameter isn't easy, but you have done a great job! Best wishes!
Aisha
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Wow! I absolutely loved this poem. The rhythm and flow of language was flawless. The imagery created blew my mind away. I enjoyed reading it. Rhyming in iambic pentameter isn't easy, but you have done a great job! Best wishes!
Aisha
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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Aisha, thank you I continue to strive for improvement, your comments are motivating.
Comment from January L'Angelle
I liked this poem. The poem was strong and well thought out. I enjoyed the read. It was like a short story when I read it, with rhymes. That was really fun. Well penned. -January L.
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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I liked this poem. The poem was strong and well thought out. I enjoyed the read. It was like a short story when I read it, with rhymes. That was really fun. Well penned. -January L.
Comment Written 19-May-2020
reply by the author on 19-May-2020
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January, thank you! This is certainly a work in progress.