The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "The Piper, part 37"Young Adult Fantasy
19 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I am going to go back and catch up with this story, Debi. I don't know how I missed it. I love fantasy stories and this one has everything. I'm glad I've not missed Piper's training, and learning more about who he is. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2020
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I am going to go back and catch up with this story, Debi. I don't know how I missed it. I love fantasy stories and this one has everything. I'm glad I've not missed Piper's training, and learning more about who he is. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 08-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2020
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Hi Sandra,
What a nice thing to say. I am honored by your response. Thank you for stopping by to read and leave such gracious comments.
Debi
Comment from lyenochka
Wow! So much drama here. Rupert obviously has no problem with Piper being a fae. And somehow I wish that Rupert was also. It's good that Lynx was there to stand up for his long lost brother. Piper seems to be such a gentle spirit, I wonder if he has the Summerstorm fire in him like Lynx has. And the three older elven bullies with bird names - they seem like trouble brewing in the future. Virtual six!
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2020
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Wow! So much drama here. Rupert obviously has no problem with Piper being a fae. And somehow I wish that Rupert was also. It's good that Lynx was there to stand up for his long lost brother. Piper seems to be such a gentle spirit, I wonder if he has the Summerstorm fire in him like Lynx has. And the three older elven bullies with bird names - they seem like trouble brewing in the future. Virtual six!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2020
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Hi Helen,
Thank you for the virtual six stars and the super comments. You ask some interesting questions. I wonder what the answers are...hehehe.
Comment from royowen
This is an excellent post Debi, carrying on the story, Lynx appears to be a hot blood, proud of his heritage but has that youthful intolerance of things not suited to his immature thinking, and poor piper, Just a hick "human" well done Debi, a most enjoyable episode, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2020
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This is an excellent post Debi, carrying on the story, Lynx appears to be a hot blood, proud of his heritage but has that youthful intolerance of things not suited to his immature thinking, and poor piper, Just a hick "human" well done Debi, a most enjoyable episode, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2020
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Hi Roy,
Thank you for the great review and your take on the characters. I appreciate you sticking with the story.
Debi
Debi
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Well done
Comment from Margaret Bednar
I enjoyed this further exploration of getting to know the characters. I jumped in new here a chapter or two ago so it is all new. Not sure if I will get a chance to go back and read it for a while. Looking forward to the next chapter. I don't have any cons.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2020
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I enjoyed this further exploration of getting to know the characters. I jumped in new here a chapter or two ago so it is all new. Not sure if I will get a chance to go back and read it for a while. Looking forward to the next chapter. I don't have any cons.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2020
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Hi Margaret,
I apologize for the delay in responding. Thank you so much for the gracious review and encouraging comments. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review this chapter.
Debi
Comment from Aiona
This was fun to read. Dialogue is fun and natural, back and forth exchange. I saw two typos:
1. Punctuation
"I saw." Raven raised an eyebrow. "Your reaction was a bit excessive, wasn't it Lynx?"
Need a comma before "Lynx."
2. Misspelling in penultimate sentence
"If Mama years you say anything else,"
I think you meant "If Mama hears..."
I also felt this sentence was a little awkward.
It's has two verbs, but somehow it feels disjointed.
"Rupert did a little dance but stopped abruptly when they heard someone coming up the path."
Maybe because the subject of the first part of the sentence is Rupert (singular), and then the comparison word "but" makes me expect a singular subject in the next half, but then it says "when they heard."
I'm sure they both heard someone coming up the path, but it was Rupert who stopped dancing at the sound.
It's up to you, of course, but it might read easier as
"Rupert did a little dance but stopped abruptly at the sound of someone coming up the path."
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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This was fun to read. Dialogue is fun and natural, back and forth exchange. I saw two typos:
1. Punctuation
"I saw." Raven raised an eyebrow. "Your reaction was a bit excessive, wasn't it Lynx?"
Need a comma before "Lynx."
2. Misspelling in penultimate sentence
"If Mama years you say anything else,"
I think you meant "If Mama hears..."
I also felt this sentence was a little awkward.
It's has two verbs, but somehow it feels disjointed.
"Rupert did a little dance but stopped abruptly when they heard someone coming up the path."
Maybe because the subject of the first part of the sentence is Rupert (singular), and then the comparison word "but" makes me expect a singular subject in the next half, but then it says "when they heard."
I'm sure they both heard someone coming up the path, but it was Rupert who stopped dancing at the sound.
It's up to you, of course, but it might read easier as
"Rupert did a little dance but stopped abruptly at the sound of someone coming up the path."
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Hi Aiona,
Thank you so much for catching the typos. I am great at catching other people's typos, but miss my own all the time. I have made all the corrections you suggested.
Again, thank you for taking the extra time to be so helpful, and for the encouragingg comments about the dialogue.
Debi
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I like and enjoyed the read all the way for fantasy appears taking a deep route for mere acceptance brings in no fruitful effect; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this; keep writing. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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I like and enjoyed the read all the way for fantasy appears taking a deep route for mere acceptance brings in no fruitful effect; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this; keep writing. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Hi Alcreator,
Thank you for the excellent review and encouragement. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review.
Debi
Comment from F. William Lester
Good story with a lot of potential. It would be much better if you added more description. Your characters are flat. Tell us what the look like, their mannerisms and quirks. It would make them stand out on the page more. The same goes for the setting, give it some life.
Where did Lynx come from? There were Rupert and Piper and the three elves in the initial meeting and then suddenly Lynx appears. Was he standing in the shadows? Had he followed Piper and Rupert? Was he about to speak to them but was interrupted by the appearance of the others? If you add some supporting action and description, our interaction with the characters would be greater. Draw us into the story. More show and less tell.
Thanks for the read. You've got an excellent start and I'd like to read more. Good luck. Good writing.
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reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Good story with a lot of potential. It would be much better if you added more description. Your characters are flat. Tell us what the look like, their mannerisms and quirks. It would make them stand out on the page more. The same goes for the setting, give it some life.
Where did Lynx come from? There were Rupert and Piper and the three elves in the initial meeting and then suddenly Lynx appears. Was he standing in the shadows? Had he followed Piper and Rupert? Was he about to speak to them but was interrupted by the appearance of the others? If you add some supporting action and description, our interaction with the characters would be greater. Draw us into the story. More show and less tell.
Thanks for the read. You've got an excellent start and I'd like to read more. Good luck. Good writing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Thank you for dropping in to read part 37 of the story and for offering suggestions.
Comment from Darlene Franklin
It's the first I've read of your story and I;m enchanted. (Maybe it's the magic of the fair folk, then!) A bit Luke Skywalker-esque, raised away from his true heritage and representing a new hope, perhaps? Well done,
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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It's the first I've read of your story and I;m enchanted. (Maybe it's the magic of the fair folk, then!) A bit Luke Skywalker-esque, raised away from his true heritage and representing a new hope, perhaps? Well done,
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Hi Darlene Franklin,
Thank you for for the encouraging comments. Funny, I am a Star Wars fan, but I never considered a comparison between Piper and Luke.
I am happy to hear you are enjoying the magic. Thank you for stopping by to read and review.
Debi
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Well, Piper's dad isn't the villain of the piece, and his birth wasn;t a secret in the fair world, just in the human world.
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True, but he was raised under an assumed identity. It is fun to think about.
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yes, that was the part that was Luke.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi,
It was good to read one of your chapters again. I have followed you story for quite some time. It's a great Fairy tale.
I'm glad to see Piper is learning more about his fairy heritage and family, while introducing his friend to it as well.
Take care and have a great week,
Rhonda
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Hi,
It was good to read one of your chapters again. I have followed you story for quite some time. It's a great Fairy tale.
I'm glad to see Piper is learning more about his fairy heritage and family, while introducing his friend to it as well.
Take care and have a great week,
Rhonda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Hi Rhonda,
It is good to hear from you. I appreciate your gracious comments and the encouragement.
Debi
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I was so excited to see you were still writing on that story, as it's always been one of my favorites on here!
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You just made my day. Thank you!
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Awww, cool!