Between Friends (Part-6 of 6)
The dinner date finale.28 total reviews
Comment from Ayan3
This is a very long and extraordinary story and it exceeds my standards of a great story it is one of the best I have ever seen and I hope you make more like it.
Sincerely, Ayan
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
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This is a very long and extraordinary story and it exceeds my standards of a great story it is one of the best I have ever seen and I hope you make more like it.
Sincerely, Ayan
Comment Written 25-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
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Yes, this is a long story that is supposed to be read from part one through part six. Each part is between 1,400, and 1,500 words. I can't thank you enough for your encouraging words that are the true reason most any of us write. To share or touch others in some small way. Thanks for you uplifting review and comments! I appreciate them very much!
Comment from elchupakabra
The six star rating is as much for the collective work as this final rendition. Your irreverent and eclectic phrasing is unique to your voice as a writer and shines through in every installment. Great work overall, thank you for sharing. Later daze.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
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The six star rating is as much for the collective work as this final rendition. Your irreverent and eclectic phrasing is unique to your voice as a writer and shines through in every installment. Great work overall, thank you for sharing. Later daze.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much, Elchupakabra, for hanging in there with my crazy, off-the-wall story. I certainly appreciate the extra-special, six-star review, but your kind words, insight, and acknowledgement mean the most. You've made my week! I appreciate YOU!
Comment from RShipp
"'George, George, George of the jungle, watch out for that tree.'" CRASH! The children smack into the tree, without serious injury. (Cute!)
Aaron's humiliating yell makes Brad and Leslie spectacle of the whole restaurant's scrutiny. (Don't you just love friends like Aaron!)
Brad slumps and bounces off the table as he faints and falls sprawled-out onto the floor headfirst. (That ought to be easy to explain?)
What a great ending.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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"'George, George, George of the jungle, watch out for that tree.'" CRASH! The children smack into the tree, without serious injury. (Cute!)
Aaron's humiliating yell makes Brad and Leslie spectacle of the whole restaurant's scrutiny. (Don't you just love friends like Aaron!)
Brad slumps and bounces off the table as he faints and falls sprawled-out onto the floor headfirst. (That ought to be easy to explain?)
What a great ending.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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Thanks you so much, RShipp, for hanging in there with my wild and crazy story. This isn't exactly a story that would be on my preferred reading list, or your's either, I would be willing to be. LOL. But your kind words and notice of some of my favorite lines puts huge smile on my face. Your kind words, encouragement, and generous review are greatly appreciated! Most of all, I'm glad you like the ending!
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
A tour de force of colorful phrases--wickedly witty! What a shocker-- don't make this be the final part and leave us hanging! Cheers. LIZ
(opens the door and steps out [AS] two youngsters ride (dash would work in itself but not in this sentence given that there is a second dash thus implying an offset phrase); [AS HE WAS] about to ring the bell or knock again, the door ... ; smiling and waves s/b waving; goddess verses s/b versus; the parking lot WAS full... SO they drive; [omit RUDE GESTURED] middle fingers fly up)
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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A tour de force of colorful phrases--wickedly witty! What a shocker-- don't make this be the final part and leave us hanging! Cheers. LIZ
(opens the door and steps out [AS] two youngsters ride (dash would work in itself but not in this sentence given that there is a second dash thus implying an offset phrase); [AS HE WAS] about to ring the bell or knock again, the door ... ; smiling and waves s/b waving; goddess verses s/b versus; the parking lot WAS full... SO they drive; [omit RUDE GESTURED] middle fingers fly up)
Comment Written 24-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Liz, for another fine review. I decided to let readers choose how they want it to end. Besides, no matter what I say, they are always going to stick with how they want it to end anyway. Personally, I'm a sucker for the happily-ever-after endings, but as adults, only one of these couples had any chance of a happy ending. LOL. Thanks for hanging in there with me only this wild and crazy story. I appreciate your kind word, generous review, and for the time you spend polishing up my goofy mistakes.
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I vote for happily ever after! (No such illusions re the marriage of Aaron and the she-devil!)
Comment from Sally Law
This held my attention from start to finish. Great writing, so plausible and easy to catch up with the story line. You have the makings of a great writer, someone I can say, "I read him when he was on FanStory."
All I can say is, poor Brad. He needs a new circle of friends altogether. I married my best friend, thankfully, 45 years ago. The value of a good friend cannot be understated.
I enjoyed this so much. :)
Sending you my best today as always, and blessings in your writing endeavors, Ric.
Sal xo
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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This held my attention from start to finish. Great writing, so plausible and easy to catch up with the story line. You have the makings of a great writer, someone I can say, "I read him when he was on FanStory."
All I can say is, poor Brad. He needs a new circle of friends altogether. I married my best friend, thankfully, 45 years ago. The value of a good friend cannot be understated.
I enjoyed this so much. :)
Sending you my best today as always, and blessings in your writing endeavors, Ric.
Sal xo
Comment Written 24-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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Sally, you are a sweetheart! And your kind words have my smile beaming. I read my first book at 37, my second at 47, and barely knew a noun from a verb when I came to this site. Not that it's always obvious that I know anymore now. So, I might take some Elmer's glue and past your praise on my forehead for the world to see. LOL. I appreciate your word, encouragement, and generous review, but most of all I'm just thankful their are nice people in this world like YOU!
Congratulations on 45 years! That's wonderful! You both must have been keepers. LOL. I appreciate YOU!
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Well, you must be 137 and you look great, Ric. I can't even comprehend what you just said to me. Wow. What a testimonial. You will do wonderfully in college with this desire to learn. I really became a writer just two years ago. I entered a national writing contest and when my husband read my entry, he burst into tears. Soon after, he bought me a FanStory membership. Here I am. Two years this month. Thank you, again.
Sal xo
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Wow, Sally, I figured you have been writing every day or your life. But if not, you should have been. You're a natural. Everything just flows like hot lava over rocks, the feelings you create invade every crack and crevasse.
Comment from Veenbee
Very nice. You got me on this one. Yes everyone has their secrets. I was shocked about seeing Olivia and that she was a fiance'. Then the other surprise of Leslie and Aaron. Oh what a tangled web. Then you had Brad fainting from worry...I loved it. Nicely done. Veenbee
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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Very nice. You got me on this one. Yes everyone has their secrets. I was shocked about seeing Olivia and that she was a fiance'. Then the other surprise of Leslie and Aaron. Oh what a tangled web. Then you had Brad fainting from worry...I loved it. Nicely done. Veenbee
Comment Written 24-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much, Veenbee, I'm glad you like where I took this wild and crazy story. I knew this over-exaggerated, simile-laden farce wouldn't be for everyone, making me all the more thankful for you and the readers who like it. I can't thank you enough for your kind words, encouragement, and extra-special, six-star review! You've made my day. Who am I kidding, you've made my week or month!
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You are more than welcomed. Looking forward to the next one.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
LOL! You certainly hit on the best title for this story, what a night that turned out to be. I wonder if Olivia knew about it, and that was why she hit on poor Brad. That really was an exceptional ending, Ric, one I certainly didn't see coming. I sort of guessed Olivia would play a part in the ending, but it was Leslie who blew the loudest trumptet! Well done, my friend, a really good ending. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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LOL! You certainly hit on the best title for this story, what a night that turned out to be. I wonder if Olivia knew about it, and that was why she hit on poor Brad. That really was an exceptional ending, Ric, one I certainly didn't see coming. I sort of guessed Olivia would play a part in the ending, but it was Leslie who blew the loudest trumptet! Well done, my friend, a really good ending. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 24-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much, Sandra, I hoped you would like where I took the ending. This wasn't originally called "Between Friends," but it just kind of came to me after posting part 2. So, I went back and changed it. LOL. I can't thank you enough for hanging in there with this farce from beginning to end. I appreciate your kind words, continued encouragement, and the extra-special, six-star review. But even more, I can always sense your smile that makes me happy whenever I read your work or heartwarming reviews!
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You are very welcome, my friend. I really enjoyed your story. Sending you an extra special smile and warm hug. xx
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You always send me extra special smiles, even when you don't know it, but now the warm hug. It's my lucky day, we all need a few of those. ((HUG)) and a little peck on the forehead right back at ya!
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Aww! :)) xx
Comment from Melissa Russell Deur
This is a chapter with surprises! I was thinking this would be Part 6 of More, but you did wind it up and leave it to the reader to imagine how this "shell game of lovers" will work out. I actually wondered if Aaron and Olivia would try to talk Brad and Leslie into a foursome. So it must be that Aaron paid for the house and the car because of his success with the three dealerships. Both men experimented with different types of women and each chose differently. I think Brad and Leslie have a better chance of making it (if Brad drops all his cheesy pickup lines and rehearsed compliments.) I think Aaron and Olivia are going to flame out! So how much of this is autobiographical?
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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This is a chapter with surprises! I was thinking this would be Part 6 of More, but you did wind it up and leave it to the reader to imagine how this "shell game of lovers" will work out. I actually wondered if Aaron and Olivia would try to talk Brad and Leslie into a foursome. So it must be that Aaron paid for the house and the car because of his success with the three dealerships. Both men experimented with different types of women and each chose differently. I think Brad and Leslie have a better chance of making it (if Brad drops all his cheesy pickup lines and rehearsed compliments.) I think Aaron and Olivia are going to flame out! So how much of this is autobiographical?
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much, Melissa, for hanging in there with my wild and crazy story. I hadn't thought about it, until you mentioned the foursome, kind of reminding me of an old movie, "Bob, Carol, Ted, and Alice. LOL. Yes, Brad had the money in this story, but in truth, Olivia (not her real name) inherited about 750 million back when there were no billionaires. Aaron nor Olivia were the types to stick with anyone too long, and both always kept a plaything on the side. Seven-years later, Brad and Leslie were well on their way to living happily-ever-after; until, Leslie and her unborn child were killed in a car wreck. Now, I hope I haven't ruined the whole story for you. But you asked. Brad was a nice guy, not a player at all. I appreciate your comments, and encouraging reviews!
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You listed the last chapter as Part 6 of 6. Did you extract these chapters out of a full blown book already written? I am bummed about the tragedy for Brad and Leslie!
Comment from equestrik
Very well thought out and compelling writing. I enjoyed this and was surprised by the twist at the end. You have a good balance of story and conversation.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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Very well thought out and compelling writing. I enjoyed this and was surprised by the twist at the end. You have a good balance of story and conversation.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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I'm so glad you liked my wild and crazy story. It definitely isn't for everyone, and it's even way outside my own comfort zone in places, but how can we improve if we aren't willing to take chances. I appreciate your kind words, generous review, and the smile you've put on my face!
Comment from karenina
Well Kudos to you...
I did not see the double whammy indiscretion(s) coming!
Always a good thing when the reader hasn't put the whole puzzle together before the last chapter...
You leave as many questions as you answer! You also give an inferred warning that we ought not judge a a book by its' cover!
I've enjoyed he six installments you've woven together...I find your writing familiar and easy while also brilliantly witty. I appreciate your ability to trust the reader to read between the lines...
Who would have thought that in the end Brad would appear to be the least duplicitous of the four?
Karenina
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Well Kudos to you...
I did not see the double whammy indiscretion(s) coming!
Always a good thing when the reader hasn't put the whole puzzle together before the last chapter...
You leave as many questions as you answer! You also give an inferred warning that we ought not judge a a book by its' cover!
I've enjoyed he six installments you've woven together...I find your writing familiar and easy while also brilliantly witty. I appreciate your ability to trust the reader to read between the lines...
Who would have thought that in the end Brad would appear to be the least duplicitous of the four?
Karenina
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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You are the first person who understands that Brad is truly the innocent and naive one of the bunch. Although, he appears a want-to-be player after meeting Leslie and Olivia in bars the same week, but his inexperienced comments show him to be anything but. Thank you so much, Karenina, for hanging in there with my ridiculous farce throughout the whole story. I'm sure this is far from your preferred reading, which makes me all the more happy you stayed with it. I prefer the happy-ever-after endings but, I would rather let readers decide how they want it to end, which most will twist to suit themselves anyway. LOL. I appreciate your kind words, your understanding of my intentions, and your generous review!
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While I admit I read and write mostly poetry--I have to say your particular brand of writing appeals to my own sense of wit and it appears we think politically incorrect things--like the man can be the innocent and some women are...well...not as #MeToo as everyone seems to believe!--Karenina
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Me, politically incorrect? LOL. Yes, I suppose so, since I'm an eclectic vacuum splashing around in a lost sea of diverse creatures warped beyond my comprehension. Innocent doesn't describe a man's intentions: ignorance more often mistaken for innocence. The most gullible and truly naive tend to be well educated and supposedly intelligent, those who have never kicked a can or spent the wee hours on mean streets. But in their defense, as we see in the political world every day, it's impossible to educate anyone past their limited intelligence. LOL. But, truly, we can't learn about anyone by listening to their practiced and polished words or watching rehearsed grace and correctness. And just when we think we know someone, we realize we've never known them at all, man or woman. Poetry mimics the world around us, and poets hide themselves beneath the luster of pebbles in a brook. But prose, no matter how foolish and ridiculous, gives a glimpse into the mind that wrote it. Twisted as they might be. LOL. Now, it's your turn to write some prose, so, I can pick through the pedals, one by one, and send them floating with a gust of breath to imagine where they land.
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See? Even your replies are intelligent and well laid out--albeit also a wee bit self-effacing! I have much respect for those who write prose... It doesn't come easily to me and yet I've won a contest now and again with flash fiction and the like. Funny--perhaps because of my R.N. training I am extremely observant and yet while poetic words flow, the task of transferring my observance in prose is really difficult! (Plus I am a lapsed perfectionist...and in my opinion nothing I write is ever truly "completed"--there is always a tune up to make! (Smile). Still, I'll gather some courage and post something prose pretty soon--just because you asked so nicely!--(be kind)---Karenina
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Well, you're going to get, if you haven't already gotten, tired of texting back and forth with me. But I couldn't not answer this with my thoughts. I thank you for your kind words, but very little I write is laid out, well or otherwise. No outlines or even plots, I just start slinging words and see what happens. Prose and poetry are like anything else, the more you do it, the easier it gets, as long as you don't try to be a perfectionist! Because none of us are perfect. Every time I read something I've written, I find spelling and punctuation mistakes or something that doesn't read right. Who cares . . . besides, people who have no life other than to pick other's posts to pieces. And they don't make me mad. Some truly want to be helpful, other just want to feel important, and a few are just meaner than hell. Nowadays, I'm a fly by the seat of my pants hack, who just writes and makes more silly mistakes than any person I've ever known. I'm having fun and entertaining myself, which is why I write all the goofy stuff. Now, I'm wanting to be entertained by Karenina's stories! I'm as excited as a little kid in a candy store, standing at the counter, licking my lips til they're chapped. But the case is locked. Open the case and let me in . . . PLEASE!
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Or. Put another way--you write because you enjoy it and what you refer to as "slinging words" I perceive as a natural talent to convey both a well bodied story and a relaxed conversational tone that makes your work approachable. I think most who jump on errors are trying to ne helpful and a very few (often the same group) are anal retentive about every colon and semi-colon...(Yes pun intended!) When I get a "three" and a holier than thou review I refuse to engage. This is a writing site for ALL levels, not a PhD course-- I come here, as I can, to enjoy the craft (mine and others) and appreciate a well stated suggestion but detest anyone cannibalizing anyone else's "level" of writing. I'm tickled you are anticipating a prose post... Film at eleven!--I enjoy our "chats"--Karenina
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The only way you ever received a three was from someone being mean. I always get a couple threes or fours on almost everything. Then, I go read the person and realize why they hate me and what I write because they are so stiff and regimented. Lawrence Block (a great detective writer) said it well, "Who the hell can tell me where a period, comma, and an exclamation should go? I'm writing it, so I'm the only one who knows." Otherwise, we would have cookie cutter molds for every sentence. I personally say, "What's proper about a tuxedo in a swimming pool." They are merely stops, pauses, and to draw attention. This isn't elementary school. I have never given anyone less than a five, as I'm here to encourage, not demoralize. I do however try to offer a suggestion here and there, and if the piece is so bad that I can't find a single good thing to say, I don't send a review. Okay, sorry, another novella. You just bring out the chatty Tommy (not Cathy) side of me. I hope you enjoy my chats half as much as I do yours! Have a wonderful weekend!
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I do enjoy your chats and I absolutely agree. I MAY, on occasion point out a horrendously wrong spelling error...or, as in some poetry forms there is a strict count, etc--I may point that out if it's really blatantly off. I ALWAYS rate five--and my comments are ALWAYS encouraging (Example--"This has happened to me as well, you might want to check out the spelling on OTRAYGUS (outrageous)--" A few months back there was a thirteen year old on site writing fantasy prose. I could NOT believe some of her reviews, slaying her (Replace semicolon with period in line two, change tense in line four, multiple spelling and grammar errors--you should edit before you post,"--UGH! I messaged her and told her true writers ought not tear down anyone else on site--least of all a young teen and urging her to do an experiment and omit her age from her personal info under her profile. She did. Suddenly everything was a five... I didn't join here for a writing clinic. Writing is a hobby I enjoy and reviewing is the best learning experience. Like you if writing is impossible to address with kindness I am kind enough to pass it by. So YOU can be chatty Tommy and I will be chatty Cathy! (smile)---Thanks for your good wishes for a nice weekend. The same to you!--Karenina