The Pods of Unknowing
Journey to Awakening29 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
Imaginations make the world go 'round, because in truth, make-believe is most times more fun and exciting than what happens in real life, a vicious cycling circuit of happy and horrible. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Imaginations make the world go 'round, because in truth, make-believe is most times more fun and exciting than what happens in real life, a vicious cycling circuit of happy and horrible. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Thank you, Ric, both for your kind words and for the amazing 6 stars. You are so appreciated.
Comment from BethShelby
I think your flash into the future is pretty creative. I found it fascinating.
I was left a bit puzzled by Maman being you guide. We don't know the color of the robe she wore so are the two of you about to be annihilated or not. Maybe like "the Lady and Tiger" the answer is left to the reader.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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I think your flash into the future is pretty creative. I found it fascinating.
I was left a bit puzzled by Maman being you guide. We don't know the color of the robe she wore so are the two of you about to be annihilated or not. Maybe like "the Lady and Tiger" the answer is left to the reader.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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More like the Lady and the Tiger. Afraid I ran out of words.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I hope you have more of this coming, Jay. It's an intriguing Futuristic piece of flash fiction, but, my goodness, you could take this to different heights of wonderment. So, Maman is his visitor. I hope she doesn't have a coat of varied colours!! Well done and good luck! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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I hope you have more of this coming, Jay. It's an intriguing Futuristic piece of flash fiction, but, my goodness, you could take this to different heights of wonderment. So, Maman is his visitor. I hope she doesn't have a coat of varied colours!! Well done and good luck! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much Sandra. Unfortunately, I have a lot of these dribbling out of my mind. I'm happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from Patricia Cammish
This is a slick piece of writing, setting the stage very effectively into the distant future but with great humanity. Your opening section, establishing your character by describing his opinion if his name, is excellent.
I Iove the 'dropping of a camel turd' image.
I am not sure what you mean here:-
'The council had decreed I was (to be ?) detached beyond my sixteen years.
or do you mean too uncommitted to the society, council/state /whatever?
Your Pre-Raphaelite illustration suits the mood very well.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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This is a slick piece of writing, setting the stage very effectively into the distant future but with great humanity. Your opening section, establishing your character by describing his opinion if his name, is excellent.
I Iove the 'dropping of a camel turd' image.
I am not sure what you mean here:-
'The council had decreed I was (to be ?) detached beyond my sixteen years.
or do you mean too uncommitted to the society, council/state /whatever?
Your Pre-Raphaelite illustration suits the mood very well.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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I struggled so much over a word to replace "detached". I started with "proud", but it didn't have the feel. I didn't want it to tell too much. "Intelligent" would have been totally flat. Thanks so much for enjoying the opening and the overall tenor of it.
Comment from lancellot
Jay, I'm going to be brutally honest with you because, that's who I am and I know you would want no less.
I have scant idea what this is about. I do have a vague notion about a religious tale of Joseph I heard years ago, but that's it.
There are no glaring errors but with all high verbiage I can't be sure. Perhaps that is how they speak in that time period and that's why you wrote it like that.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Jay, I'm going to be brutally honest with you because, that's who I am and I know you would want no less.
I have scant idea what this is about. I do have a vague notion about a religious tale of Joseph I heard years ago, but that's it.
There are no glaring errors but with all high verbiage I can't be sure. Perhaps that is how they speak in that time period and that's why you wrote it like that.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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You were kind not to deduct a star, Lance. No, that's all we have here with each other: honest. And I wouldn't have you give it up for anything. There is really nowhere to go with this piece beyond the Lo-Li-Ta-like opening that Vladimir Nabokov made so famous.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Intriguing--brilliant bit about pronouncing his name--grabs me from the start. I normally pass on fantasy fiction unless I see your byline! Quite an ambitious exploration of the futuristic theme.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Intriguing--brilliant bit about pronouncing his name--grabs me from the start. I normally pass on fantasy fiction unless I see your byline! Quite an ambitious exploration of the futuristic theme.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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It didn't quite go where I steered it, but it is what it is. Thank you Elizabeth for reading it. I'm happy you enjoyed the name thing.
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
Wow! This story meets the contest criteria to the T :):) I have always wanted to take a ride in a UFO, just like Spielberg shows in the epic movie 'Close Encounters..." Reading this story I feel that your vision is wider than what the future is in store for us. Well done! Good luck!
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Wow! This story meets the contest criteria to the T :):) I have always wanted to take a ride in a UFO, just like Spielberg shows in the epic movie 'Close Encounters..." Reading this story I feel that your vision is wider than what the future is in store for us. Well done! Good luck!
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Thanks, Seshadri. I always enjoy your take on what I write.
Comment from Lance S. Loria
I'm ready to board the USS Enterprise now. Not sure about the next stop but let's go there now. This is an interesting futuristic story you've written for the contest. Good luck. No edits or adjustments to suggest.
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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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I'm ready to board the USS Enterprise now. Not sure about the next stop but let's go there now. This is an interesting futuristic story you've written for the contest. Good luck. No edits or adjustments to suggest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Ha! Thanks, Lance. Not happy with this one. I kept trying to steer it in one direction, but it wandered off in another.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
What an interesting science fiction! He was in a pod flying around the earth. Then one day, you are either getting promoted or being executed depending upon the color of the rube of the visitor. His visitor was Maman. Not sure what this means.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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What an interesting science fiction! He was in a pod flying around the earth. Then one day, you are either getting promoted or being executed depending upon the color of the rube of the visitor. His visitor was Maman. Not sure what this means.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2021
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Ah! No one can be sure. I don't know that I can be sure. Thanks though for reading it, Lisa, and for not bombing it.