I Hereby Crown Thee ...
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Love and Laughter"A collection of crowns of sonnets
56 total reviews
Comment from literaturelove
I love lover your poem so very touching and real. Every word down to the last was real. This is problably one of my favorite poems just love it.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
  |
I love lover your poem so very touching and real. Every word down to the last was real. This is problably one of my favorite poems just love it.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
-
Wow, high praise indeed :-). I'm so glad that you've enjoyed my work as much of this. Thankyou for letting me know.
Mike
Comment from Eternal Muse
Excellent epic poem, my friend, with great literary references, filled with love and natural emotion. I also appreciate you detailed Author's Notes, they are very helpful. You sustained a difficult rhyming scheme abab very well. All in all, you created an original, memorable poem which is certainly a great ornament on this site.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
|
Excellent epic poem, my friend, with great literary references, filled with love and natural emotion. I also appreciate you detailed Author's Notes, they are very helpful. You sustained a difficult rhyming scheme abab very well. All in all, you created an original, memorable poem which is certainly a great ornament on this site.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2008
-
Another beautiful comment, and indeed compliment! Thankyou yeltel. I'm glad the author's notes were a help; I was in two minds about including any, but I felt that some things needed explaining, and I really didn't fancy a load of arguments about syllable counts!
Thankyou for your wonderful comments :-)
Mike
Comment from mmichelle97219
I found this to be a facinating read with a nautal flowing progression. It is a lot to take in, but I liked it very much.
Happy Writing.
Michelle
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
|
I found this to be a facinating read with a nautal flowing progression. It is a lot to take in, but I liked it very much.
Happy Writing.
Michelle
Comment Written 11-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
-
Thankyou Michelle :-). It was a lot of work and feeling, but the reward is simply that people are reading it.
Mike
Comment from JoeKarbo
This is truly an epic. Well written, the message is clear. It is easy to see you have carefully chosen your words, they blend well. Excellent
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
|
This is truly an epic. Well written, the message is clear. It is easy to see you have carefully chosen your words, they blend well. Excellent
Comment Written 11-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
-
Thankyou Joe; I'm glad you enjoyed taking my journey with me. It's the longest poem I've ever written, and is liable to hold that record for quite some time!
Mike
Comment from Summer Falls
Okay, first of all BRAVO! The two poems compliment each other. Of course, being the era romantisist, the second act was my favorite of the two.
Not just because of the fantasy of knights,dragons, maidens and unicorns, but many other reasons. The imagery was exceptional, rhymes really clicked and the story told was magical and funny at times.
I know the iambic was off at times, but somehow it worked ... It worked in a way that made the reader forget the meter and simply sway into the words. You are a gifted writer indeed. I would not change a thing ... Oops there was a little editing issue. I did note it below. Fix that and this entry is pure perfection. Good luck in the contest. The time it took to read this was time well spent and enjoyed.
summergirl
"That sounds a contradiction," muttered [J]jack
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
 |
Okay, first of all BRAVO! The two poems compliment each other. Of course, being the era romantisist, the second act was my favorite of the two.
Not just because of the fantasy of knights,dragons, maidens and unicorns, but many other reasons. The imagery was exceptional, rhymes really clicked and the story told was magical and funny at times.
I know the iambic was off at times, but somehow it worked ... It worked in a way that made the reader forget the meter and simply sway into the words. You are a gifted writer indeed. I would not change a thing ... Oops there was a little editing issue. I did note it below. Fix that and this entry is pure perfection. Good luck in the contest. The time it took to read this was time well spent and enjoyed.
summergirl
"That sounds a contradiction," muttered [J]jack
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
-
Thankyou so much summergirl :-). I know it's a monster, and I am very grateful to everyone who has taken the time to read all the way through.
Your rating is most gratefully appreciated, and I am also heartened that somebody at least has focused on the second act; it's a little whimsical, but despite its levity it's just as dear to me as the first act, and has had at least as much work put into it.
I am glad to hear you say that about the meter; I'm not usually one for worrying about getting the technicalities right (as long as it flows how I want it to, I'm happy), but I tried harder than usual with this one since it was a new form for me, and a contest entry.
Once again, thankyou for your kind and encouraging words.
Mike
PS: The capital J is now fixed; thankyou :-)
-
You are more than welcome. I wish I could help with that iambic meter, but I am brand new to the whole thing. lol
summer
Comment from LYLE
Mike,
I have to reward you with a six for this, because I almost had to take notes to review for this review. "How do I love three, Let me count the ways..." well, you listed more ways and things to love than I knew existed, from the mind to the physical. I became exhausted just reading about all that was being loved.
Now, Jack, John, and Jasmine with the bruised breast, was a
totally different story, of course. There was some sneaky humor hiding in some of the lines, and the story did have a nice twist with the dragon getting a job, which was difficult even in those days.
I must be honest: I did not try to count all of the stressed and unstressed syllables, because it sounded alright to me, and . besides, I can't keep count in a
14 line sonnet, let alone a 400 line sonnet:(
Last, this bacame a challenge to me. It was either the sonnet or me, so the sonnet was going to be read and
critiqued! I won: the sonnet has been read; the stories understood, and I am going to bed:)
Sincerely, Lyle
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
|
Mike,
I have to reward you with a six for this, because I almost had to take notes to review for this review. "How do I love three, Let me count the ways..." well, you listed more ways and things to love than I knew existed, from the mind to the physical. I became exhausted just reading about all that was being loved.
Now, Jack, John, and Jasmine with the bruised breast, was a
totally different story, of course. There was some sneaky humor hiding in some of the lines, and the story did have a nice twist with the dragon getting a job, which was difficult even in those days.
I must be honest: I did not try to count all of the stressed and unstressed syllables, because it sounded alright to me, and . besides, I can't keep count in a
14 line sonnet, let alone a 400 line sonnet:(
Last, this bacame a challenge to me. It was either the sonnet or me, so the sonnet was going to be read and
critiqued! I won: the sonnet has been read; the stories understood, and I am going to bed:)
Sincerely, Lyle
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
-
Thankyou for the thoughtful and smile-inducing review Lyle. My own view is that flow is what matters most in a lyrical poem, and forms such as iambic pentameter were created to help create that flow. Hence, the pentameter is the tool, not the final product... All of which means, I am glad you felt it flowed without needuing to count the stresses, because that is what's most important to me. I did want to get this one as right as possible, as it's a contest entry, but the main thing is that those who read it, enjoy it.
You clearly did, and that is more compliment than I can ever ask for. Thankyou.
Mike
-
Mike,
As you have guessed, I was being facetious about the iambic flow of the sonnets. Of course, a sonnet has to have a rthym, as does any poetic
effort, and a structure. I was complimenting you for the incredible amount of work that you muxt have put into this piece. I was serious when I said that I have a hard time with fourteen lines written in iambic pentameter. Forget trying to write four hundred::)
Congratulations on a work extremely well done!
Sincerely, Lyle
Comment from giftid3
Wow, this is indeed long.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, view and concept with the rest of us. I read your notes mid way through and found them interesting, but for me of no relevance to the work. (I prefer not to read the notes until I have read the work, for if it speaks to me in the first round, it is worth the read) I do not really concern myself with syallabic count, iambic stresses and any other poetic phrase format etc, etc. I tend to look more for the imagery and message that comes out of the words. If it is captivating then that is what I review from. The message and imagery for me is the one, not whether or not it has a structured format etc, etc. Having said that, here is what I thought:
Now for the first part, you have expressed well love in all its forms in a way that would make many envious of such a love. It is well worded, has a good flow, and the imagery clearly shows a dedicated and passionate love that completes and unites two into one. I enjoyed it.
The second part, well that is entirely different, but just as captivating. You summed up well the journey of the knight on his quest to slay the dragon and claim the beauty held. The use of profanity kind of made it harsh and yet seemed to fit. As I read this, I could see it play out like a movie. That for me is what its all about. If you cannot portray your meaning and purpose with pictures and images then its just a bunch of words joined together. You, on the other hand have captured well in both areas, the message, the imagery and even the poetic structure play.
In fact, the second part of this would do well as a short story of its own or even a mini movie.
Thanks for sharing this with the rest of us.Many blessings to you
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
|
Wow, this is indeed long.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, view and concept with the rest of us. I read your notes mid way through and found them interesting, but for me of no relevance to the work. (I prefer not to read the notes until I have read the work, for if it speaks to me in the first round, it is worth the read) I do not really concern myself with syallabic count, iambic stresses and any other poetic phrase format etc, etc. I tend to look more for the imagery and message that comes out of the words. If it is captivating then that is what I review from. The message and imagery for me is the one, not whether or not it has a structured format etc, etc. Having said that, here is what I thought:
Now for the first part, you have expressed well love in all its forms in a way that would make many envious of such a love. It is well worded, has a good flow, and the imagery clearly shows a dedicated and passionate love that completes and unites two into one. I enjoyed it.
The second part, well that is entirely different, but just as captivating. You summed up well the journey of the knight on his quest to slay the dragon and claim the beauty held. The use of profanity kind of made it harsh and yet seemed to fit. As I read this, I could see it play out like a movie. That for me is what its all about. If you cannot portray your meaning and purpose with pictures and images then its just a bunch of words joined together. You, on the other hand have captured well in both areas, the message, the imagery and even the poetic structure play.
In fact, the second part of this would do well as a short story of its own or even a mini movie.
Thanks for sharing this with the rest of us.Many blessings to you
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
-
I am glad to hear you say that about message and imagery, for surely structure only exists to help the poetry be more effective, not to rule it with an iron rod (always thought that saying sounded slightly wrong, but it's barbaric and heavy, and I guess that's the point :-)).
I also agree with you regarding notes; my personal preference is to present my poetry with no explanation and no accompanying picture (as it gives people a pre-conceived idea of one's meaning, which to me is either cheating slightly or actually harmful, if it doesn;t quite fit the words). However, I have had some very tiresome arguments in the past over syllable counts with people who insist that certain words are a set number, even though it's based on phonetics, and hence pronunciation can radically affect the count...
Sorry, came close to my podium there :-)
What I mean is that I am very glad you enjoyed the journey, and the content of my poems rather than the shell that holds them, and I thank you most deeply for the encouraging words. They mean more to me than anything else, because they mean that I am doing my job preperly :-)
Mike
-
I know just how you feel about the syllable count and comments made by others regarding it. I too have had these and they all tend to direct towards the tempo or meter etc. I usually ignore them, not to be mean or ignorant but because I know that although they may not have the syllable count that the reader thinks it should have, it does have its own rhythmn and flow. I look at it as being that they are too busy doing a syllable count and checking whether it conforms to a structural poetic format that they miss the message and imagery that is being portrayed. Their comments I found were quite clinical and without feeling or real expression, hence why they were ignored. What makes up for those few comments though, are the ones who not only get the message, but also gget the imagery and the flow, thus my purpose is done. I feel that if we spend too much time trying to conform to the poetic structure, we end up losing what it is we are truly trying to portray. I also believe that the masters of old did not concern themselves with such things but rather that the message and imagery was received. I also believe that it was generations later who began to pick apart their works and in doing so 'suddenly' found by their revelation that there was a specific structure, format, meter and so now we have all these various concepts to poetry writing. Some of their works had no structure or format, and those that did, I believe, came from deep within them just as we do today, and it flowed out naturally, and not because they sat there thought about it, counted it and then said this is how poetry should be. (My view anyway)
Just let your natural god-given ability create those wonderful portrayals that will be remembered for all time. I wouldn't be surprised that in generations to come that your works will be looked at and a new structure will be created because they will think that this is how it should be instead of taking it as it is, that it touches the heart and captivates the mind. (Again, my view) Thanks for the wonderful reply and many blessings to you
Comment from writechick
WOW!! Lovely, absolutely lovely. Before reading the final notes, I was wondering how on earth the two "Acts" would connect, but when I read your notes it made more sense. The rhythm and shyming was wonderful, and your vocabulary is astounding! Beautiful work.
Happy Holidays!
~~writechick
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
|
WOW!! Lovely, absolutely lovely. Before reading the final notes, I was wondering how on earth the two "Acts" would connect, but when I read your notes it made more sense. The rhythm and shyming was wonderful, and your vocabulary is astounding! Beautiful work.
Happy Holidays!
~~writechick
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
-
Thankyou writechick! Having spent so long on this, it's great to know that people are actually enjoying it, as I no longer had any idea whether they were any good or not! I do like to use funky words. Glad you noticed ;-)
Mike
Comment from Firefly54
I absolutely loved this epic! What a brilliant way to tell a story, and so sweet that it had little bits of humour to lighten what at times was a very emotional piece of work.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
|
I absolutely loved this epic! What a brilliant way to tell a story, and so sweet that it had little bits of humour to lighten what at times was a very emotional piece of work.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
-
Thankyou Firefly. Several have questioned my posting of both acts/poems in one, but beyond not being able to shoose between them, I also felt that the lighter tone of the second acted as a bit of a lift after the intensity of the first one.
I'm truly grateful for your words and that you took the time to join me on my journey :-)
Mike
Comment from Freeflyer
I was exhausted after reading all of that. You certainly put a lot of work into it. It was romantic and entertaining. I wish you well in the competition. I will not fault it because you have done your homework.
Congratulations.
Freeflyer
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
|
I was exhausted after reading all of that. You certainly put a lot of work into it. It was romantic and entertaining. I wish you well in the competition. I will not fault it because you have done your homework.
Congratulations.
Freeflyer
Comment Written 10-Dec-2008
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2008
-
Thankyou Freeflyer. I'm glad you enjoyed reading through my monster of a release :-)
Mike