Travelling to Nowhere
When your only option is no option at all63 total reviews
Comment from livingwords
This is excellent writing. Professionally crafted with a clear, fast paced story, descriptive and poignant. Surely a superb entry into this contest. I will vote for it. Dan :))
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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This is excellent writing. Professionally crafted with a clear, fast paced story, descriptive and poignant. Surely a superb entry into this contest. I will vote for it. Dan :))
Comment Written 11-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thanks so much, Dan. I usually write the really gory type of horror, but this seemed so much more effective to me. Thanks for the great review.
Mike
Comment from adewpearl
You set the stage and the tone well in your opening paragraph
vivid, poetic detail of setting
You get inside the narrator's head most effectively
You build a sense of foreboding well as he knows he shouldn't be approaching that car, and then the confrontation at the car is most dramatic
and graphic
A real twilight zone quality as the scene plays out over and over again
Interesting Groundhog Day reference in the diary entry
What a grim ending - you put me on edge, too :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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You set the stage and the tone well in your opening paragraph
vivid, poetic detail of setting
You get inside the narrator's head most effectively
You build a sense of foreboding well as he knows he shouldn't be approaching that car, and then the confrontation at the car is most dramatic
and graphic
A real twilight zone quality as the scene plays out over and over again
Interesting Groundhog Day reference in the diary entry
What a grim ending - you put me on edge, too :-) Brooke
Comment Written 11-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Brooke. This was a weird one to write, especially given that I finished it during the train ride home from work (I didn't have a can of Special Brew, though!).
I've had to write something silly and fun now, to make up for it!
Mike
Comment from ~Dovey
What a horrible sense of Groundhog Day on horror steroids. The content certainly wasn't my cup of tea, or probably anyone's, at least I'd hope not. It was, however, very well written and meets the specifications of the Horror contest. Good luck, Mike. I hope you didn't find writing this story too utterly traumatic.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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What a horrible sense of Groundhog Day on horror steroids. The content certainly wasn't my cup of tea, or probably anyone's, at least I'd hope not. It was, however, very well written and meets the specifications of the Horror contest. Good luck, Mike. I hope you didn't find writing this story too utterly traumatic.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Dovey. Indeed, it's like the worst possible version of Groundhog Day! It was certainly a strange experience, writing this one, but it came out how I wanted it, so that's alright.
Mike
Comment from Nomar Chagrin
Flump, I don't even know what to say here. I can't recall reading anything quite like this on this site. I printed it out at work and read it on the bus on my way home, and was so mesmerized I missed my stop.
With so much fast and furious action, it's not hard for a story to overheat and burn itself out. But you kept this razor sharp with every word. The exterior action interacted seamlessly with the interior dialogue.
You definitely have a talent for writing. I'm kind of at a loss for words here.
~ CJ
p.s. I don't know if you care about the ratings much, but, if you like, I'll be glad to come back and give this a 6 when I have one again.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Flump, I don't even know what to say here. I can't recall reading anything quite like this on this site. I printed it out at work and read it on the bus on my way home, and was so mesmerized I missed my stop.
With so much fast and furious action, it's not hard for a story to overheat and burn itself out. But you kept this razor sharp with every word. The exterior action interacted seamlessly with the interior dialogue.
You definitely have a talent for writing. I'm kind of at a loss for words here.
~ CJ
p.s. I don't know if you care about the ratings much, but, if you like, I'll be glad to come back and give this a 6 when I have one again.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thanks so much, Jack. The hardest decision when writing this was when to shift into the 'montage' rather than keep writing in detail. I think it worked in the end. Apologies for making you miss your stop!
As for the sixer, I'll take the thought with grateful thanks. Save the yellow plus for te next deserving piece you read :-).
Mike
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Mike, I just gotta know something. How long did it take you to write this monster? Even in my very short essays I have to keep going over and over them until I get it halfway decent. Something like this would've taken me a year. Did it just flow out, or did you have to rework it with numerous drafts.
Comment from Anisa-
That was great! I really enjoyed it. Very.. brutal. I found some parts hard to read because they were too realistically creepy. I liked the ending also. Thanks for posting :)
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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That was great! I really enjoyed it. Very.. brutal. I found some parts hard to read because they were too realistically creepy. I liked the ending also. Thanks for posting :)
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thanks, Anisal. I appreciate the review.
Mike
Comment from HPicasso
Poor guy can never win no matter the situation. Great story! Bravo! Good read and better ending couldn't deserve it more... this is about the man who lived his rape and revenge over and over. Great use of imagery. You most definitely put me on the edge eith this one. I most sincerely wish you all the best.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Poor guy can never win no matter the situation. Great story! Bravo! Good read and better ending couldn't deserve it more... this is about the man who lived his rape and revenge over and over. Great use of imagery. You most definitely put me on the edge eith this one. I most sincerely wish you all the best.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, HP :-). This took a while to get right, but I wanted to present the most futile interpretation of horror I could. Thanks for the great review.
Mike
Comment from Stonesage
What can be said about this other than "WOW!"
Strong presentation, visualization and you give the reader a sense of pity for the poor man.
And more!
The only thing I'd have done different would be the end. I would have had the train kill him and then. . . he wakes up on the train again. His world truly never ends no matter what.
But you have done a terrific job here, it's definately a 5+ star in my opinion.
SS
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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What can be said about this other than "WOW!"
Strong presentation, visualization and you give the reader a sense of pity for the poor man.
And more!
The only thing I'd have done different would be the end. I would have had the train kill him and then. . . he wakes up on the train again. His world truly never ends no matter what.
But you have done a terrific job here, it's definately a 5+ star in my opinion.
SS
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Stone. I did consider having him wake up again on the train, but un my mind, he could only release himself by making the choice that's no choice at all, by doing to himself what he was trying to avoid being done to him. The illusion of control? Who knows!
Mike
Comment from BHCameron
Very hard and gritty. Takes you to an uncomfortable place, which a writer sometimes has to do. Very raw and authentic. Very skilled treatment.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Very hard and gritty. Takes you to an uncomfortable place, which a writer sometimes has to do. Very raw and authentic. Very skilled treatment.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you. I'm glad you saw it wasn't just nasty for the sake of it. My intention was to explore the depths of futility. Not sure what to write next, though!
Mike
Comment from litroc1700
very eerie and scary, loving the nice detaild work can rally see the thing happening ike a movie.. lovely read love, meera
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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very eerie and scary, loving the nice detaild work can rally see the thing happening ike a movie.. lovely read love, meera
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, Meera. I always try to write very visually. Did you mean to put a four star rating? Apologies for asking, it's just that you didn't give any indication with your comments of possible areas needing improvement.
Mike
Comment from PoetlikePoe
it's got to feel good seeing that 178 people have read this so far. it's very deserving of all the attention. this story has a great flow. i'm reading all kinds of stuff today because it has been so long...glad i read this
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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it's got to feel good seeing that 178 people have read this so far. it's very deserving of all the attention. this story has a great flow. i'm reading all kinds of stuff today because it has been so long...glad i read this
Comment Written 10-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2012
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Thank you, PLP :-). Yeah, although it cost a large chunk of my member dollars to promote, it does feel great to have lots of people reading my words. So glad you liked it!
Mike