Metaphorical Seas
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Two Sahara"a series of blank impressions
25 total reviews
Comment from rhymelord
Dear phill,
Well, if you slipped off the iambic pentameter, it is not readily noticed and you have penned a poem here with great alliteration and excellent enjambment.
Regards
Reg
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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Dear phill,
Well, if you slipped off the iambic pentameter, it is not readily noticed and you have penned a poem here with great alliteration and excellent enjambment.
Regards
Reg
Comment Written 28-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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Hello Reg
I am sorry to come back to you so late â?? thank you for the kind words and encouragement: I had been reading Wilfrid Thesigerâ??s books about the Marsh Arab and the Empty Quarter of Saudi and this was just a projection to that place I think â?? or at least it is what I think of that place, but in the context of a greater desert (the Sahara â?? actually I was thinking of its southern area, the Sahel).
But, as the notes say, it was only an exercise and I am pleased that you enjoyed it: it was really just meant to be night and day views of the same 'empty' space...
Warm regards
phill
Comment from cvcopac
I've been assaulted and over run with imagery and metaphor; my outdated college dictionary, with it's meager listings, is unable to properly assist me against this violent deluge of words. So I had to read it several times and tried to read between the lines as well. The first twelve lines depict a desert; Sand hills that have been reshaped by a wet wind; maybe we're near a body of water, a villa or villas and they are deserted. It is night.
The second twelve lines deal with the rising sun, desert wildlife and the absence of sand dunes. In this section of the poem we are given a 'cornflower' sky as opposed to a 'copper sea.' I particularly love the assonance and the cadence. I think it's time to invest in a bigger, better, dictionary.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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I've been assaulted and over run with imagery and metaphor; my outdated college dictionary, with it's meager listings, is unable to properly assist me against this violent deluge of words. So I had to read it several times and tried to read between the lines as well. The first twelve lines depict a desert; Sand hills that have been reshaped by a wet wind; maybe we're near a body of water, a villa or villas and they are deserted. It is night.
The second twelve lines deal with the rising sun, desert wildlife and the absence of sand dunes. In this section of the poem we are given a 'cornflower' sky as opposed to a 'copper sea.' I particularly love the assonance and the cadence. I think it's time to invest in a bigger, better, dictionary.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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Hello there
I am sorry to come back to you so late â?? thank you for the kind words and encouragement: I had been reading Wilfrid Thesigerâ??s books about the Marsh Arab and the Empty Quarter of Saudi and this was just a projection to that place I think â?? or at least it is what I think of that place, but in the context of a greater desert (the Sahara â?? actually I was thinking of its southern area, the Sahel).
But, as the notes say, it was only an exercise and I am pleased that you enjoyed it: it was really just meant to be night and day views of the same 'empty' space...
Warm regards
phill
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I seen you tagged it, exercise and guess I came close enough. It was the presentation that drew me in. Great imagery and description.
Comment from robina1978
Nice with the two more or less opposite views. And in both you describe the deserts and some animals so well. The meter is not completely consequent, but it flows well-so that does not matter. Liked it and must have been not easy to do.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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Nice with the two more or less opposite views. And in both you describe the deserts and some animals so well. The meter is not completely consequent, but it flows well-so that does not matter. Liked it and must have been not easy to do.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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Hello there
I am sorry to come back to you so late â?? thank you for the kind words and encouragement: I had been reading Wilfrid Thesigerâ??s books about the Marsh Arab and the Empty Quarter of Saudi and this was just a projection to that place I think â?? or at least it is what I think of that place, but in the context of a greater desert (the Sahara â?? actually I was thinking of its southern area, the Sahel).
But, as the notes say, it was only an exercise and I am pleased that you enjoyed it: it was really just meant to be night and day views of the same 'empty' space...
Warm regards
phill
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Have so many fans that I don't really notice if someone comes back late or not unless I miss them for days then I write and check if they are not ill.
Comment from kenzi'spoems
Great poem that paints an amazing picture for the readers and takes their imagination on a wild journey. i love your uses of alliteration ("A million moths' 'susurrus-soft' 'scorpions as silent as sea-shells'[that's my favorite one]'ripe rosaries') you did really good with those. alliteration is great for poems to slip off of the readers tongue and engage them in their reading ever more so. Fab job!
Evermore,
Kenzi
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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Great poem that paints an amazing picture for the readers and takes their imagination on a wild journey. i love your uses of alliteration ("A million moths' 'susurrus-soft' 'scorpions as silent as sea-shells'[that's my favorite one]'ripe rosaries') you did really good with those. alliteration is great for poems to slip off of the readers tongue and engage them in their reading ever more so. Fab job!
Evermore,
Kenzi
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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Hello Kenzi
I am sorry to come back to you so late â?? thank you for the kind words and encouragement: I had been reading Wilfrid Thesigerâ??s books about the Marsh Arab and the Empty Quarter of Saudi and this was just a projection to that place I think â?? or at least it is what I think of that place, but in the context of a greater desert (the Sahara â?? actually I was thinking of its southern area, the Sahel).
But, as the notes say, it was only an exercise and I am pleased that you enjoyed it.
Warm regards
phill
Comment from uniqueauthor
This is a lovely well-written poem that evoked strong emotions. Have you lived in that part of the world, or are you Bedouin? Am I right to assume that this was the aftrmath of a sand storm. It would have been so effective if you had added a picture. I enjoyed it. Linda
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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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This is a lovely well-written poem that evoked strong emotions. Have you lived in that part of the world, or are you Bedouin? Am I right to assume that this was the aftrmath of a sand storm. It would have been so effective if you had added a picture. I enjoyed it. Linda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2012
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Hello Linda
I am sorry to come back to you so late â?? thank you for the kind words and encouragement; actually I have never lived there (and I am neither a Bedouin or a Touareg!)
I had been reading Wilfrid Thesigerâ??s books about the Marsh Arab and the Empty Quarter of Saudi and this was just a projection to that place I think â?? or what I think of that place.
As the notes say, it was only an exercise and I am pleased that you enjoyed it.
Warm regards
phill
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You're welcome. Peace for today