Who's the Idiot?
100 word dash28 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Second edit: Reads nicely now!
Clutching his son, they both watched the car roll past them << Only HE is clutching his son, so you cannot say THEY BOTH watched following that progressive form. Say this:
Clutching his son, he watched the car roll past them,
The cop is a bit too flippant even for willful suspension of disbelief.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Second edit: Reads nicely now!
Clutching his son, they both watched the car roll past them << Only HE is clutching his son, so you cannot say THEY BOTH watched following that progressive form. Say this:
Clutching his son, he watched the car roll past them,
The cop is a bit too flippant even for willful suspension of disbelief.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Thank you Phyllis, I appreciate your reading, commentary and correction. I made the change.
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And I have upgraded the rating to reflect the fix. :)
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Thank you so much!!!!
Comment from MumEsGirl
Great work with a nice twist at the end. I have to confess I giggled at this. It reminds me of the phrase 'if you fall and break your two legs, don't come running to me.'
Best of luck with this one
hugs
kate
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Great work with a nice twist at the end. I have to confess I giggled at this. It reminds me of the phrase 'if you fall and break your two legs, don't come running to me.'
Best of luck with this one
hugs
kate
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Kate, it was supposed to make you smile. I thought I wrote it in a light manner. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Comment from Bloomer Burbs
Hi the author
An interesting and certainly unusual sorry - respect for that.
"Then I would have ticketed you for child endangerment!"
Now that's a policeman none of us want to meet, LOL
The best of luck,
Pete
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Hi the author
An interesting and certainly unusual sorry - respect for that.
"Then I would have ticketed you for child endangerment!"
Now that's a policeman none of us want to meet, LOL
The best of luck,
Pete
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Thanks Pete for reading and commenting. Your time is appreciated.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Well it seems you were in a lose, lose situation but you were indeed the winner! You saved your son. "Things" in life can be replaced but loved ones can't. The cop was wrong but you can't argue with a cop, Good Job!!!!
Nancy
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Well it seems you were in a lose, lose situation but you were indeed the winner! You saved your son. "Things" in life can be replaced but loved ones can't. The cop was wrong but you can't argue with a cop, Good Job!!!!
Nancy
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Nancy, this was pure fiction. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate your time.
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Oh! Good Job! Nancy
Comment from mauial
Not to funny story but funny ending. A short while ago a family stopped on the side of the road to Hana, Maui and the child ran out and fell over the cliff to his death. The pic sure looks like the road to Hana, is this based on that?
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Not to funny story but funny ending. A short while ago a family stopped on the side of the road to Hana, Maui and the child ran out and fell over the cliff to his death. The pic sure looks like the road to Hana, is this based on that?
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Purely fictional... But everything can be a reality. Thank you for reading.
Comment from humpwhistle
Nice, concise short story. I'm not sure about the semi-colon. And five seconds seems to be a long time to set a brake. I don't mean to be picky, but when you only have 100 words, they all receive a lot of attention.
Best of luck at the polls.
Peace, Lee
Jacob could (have) perished in that time...
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Nice, concise short story. I'm not sure about the semi-colon. And five seconds seems to be a long time to set a brake. I don't mean to be picky, but when you only have 100 words, they all receive a lot of attention.
Best of luck at the polls.
Peace, Lee
Jacob could (have) perished in that time...
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Thank you for the commentary. I made the adjustments. Greatly appreciated and thanks for reading.
Comment from kittygirl3032
Wow so powerful in such a few words. I really enjoy reading this. I bet you could keep adding to this story and make it a novel or something. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Wow so powerful in such a few words. I really enjoy reading this. I bet you could keep adding to this story and make it a novel or something. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Thank you kitty for your time and positive comments.
Comment from santapola
Really well done it caught the imagination, sent one through thoughts of 'you idiot why isn't anyone holding him to oh gosh you thought of him first and sod the car, you were watching him'... well done I ran the gambit of emotions
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Really well done it caught the imagination, sent one through thoughts of 'you idiot why isn't anyone holding him to oh gosh you thought of him first and sod the car, you were watching him'... well done I ran the gambit of emotions
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2012
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Thank you santapola for reading and sharing.