Don't be bulldozed by family
When a family member manipulates28 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, titan, you did an excellent job writing this essay about family dynamics. i enjoyed reading it. there's a lot of good advice, especially about tackling a problem headon instead of bottling it up.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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this is very well written, titan, you did an excellent job writing this essay about family dynamics. i enjoyed reading it. there's a lot of good advice, especially about tackling a problem headon instead of bottling it up.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Thanks, sweetwoodjax for this stellar review! You are so right, if you bottle it up, you will become the "victim."
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Very good advice, Dossie! There's at least one in every family, and they change from generation to generation. Be on guard for budding newbie gate-keepers too!
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Very good advice, Dossie! There's at least one in every family, and they change from generation to generation. Be on guard for budding newbie gate-keepers too!
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Thanks, Phyllis for this great review. I have this element in my family, so it was not a far stretch to come up with a few examples. I have a sister-in-law who wanted to be the gatekeepers, so when that failed she kept all the nieces and nephews away from other family members. These types are toxic.
Comment from donaldww
This is a well written piece on family member manipulation. I like the ideas presented, but have a suggestion. I think you should offer some hints or ideas on how to accomplish the goals you suggest. For example, in the second paragraph, you say: "You must nix the conduct the minute it rears its ugly head." Good advice, but how should one do the nixing? Scream at them? Refuse the charity?
Here is where your expertise should come in and show the reader how they can deal with relatives without causing a worse situation to result.
Cheers,
DW
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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This is a well written piece on family member manipulation. I like the ideas presented, but have a suggestion. I think you should offer some hints or ideas on how to accomplish the goals you suggest. For example, in the second paragraph, you say: "You must nix the conduct the minute it rears its ugly head." Good advice, but how should one do the nixing? Scream at them? Refuse the charity?
Here is where your expertise should come in and show the reader how they can deal with relatives without causing a worse situation to result.
Cheers,
DW
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Thanks, donaldww. I thought I had covered all bases, but you brought to my attention the fact I should have gone a bit further. I think the editing I did with the essay rectified that area, at least I hope so. Thanks for being such an attentive reader and for offering sound advise!
Comment from kiwisteveh
All good advice and clearly set out in straightforward language, so worthy of a good rating.
However, as with many such sets of rules, I find myself thinking that often life is more complex than that. What if illness, physical or mental, precludes you from making a stand against a family member? What if you can't speak up out of respect for a third party? Many such considerations arise in the complex interplay between clan members.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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All good advice and clearly set out in straightforward language, so worthy of a good rating.
However, as with many such sets of rules, I find myself thinking that often life is more complex than that. What if illness, physical or mental, precludes you from making a stand against a family member? What if you can't speak up out of respect for a third party? Many such considerations arise in the complex interplay between clan members.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Thanks, kiwisteveh! I looked at the article once more and considered your sound advise. I made a few tweaks that should help future readers who may have some of the same questions. Thanks so much for your input and this great review!
Comment from megclare
You can choose your friends but not your family. That being the case you have offered some very sensible and well-written advice on how to deal with some of the more obnoxious behaviours.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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You can choose your friends but not your family. That being the case you have offered some very sensible and well-written advice on how to deal with some of the more obnoxious behaviours.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Thanks, megclare! I appreciate this awesome review, especially bout the obnoxious behaviors. I have this element in my family, so they can be hard to digest!
Comment from sunnilicious
I dunno. I understand the perspective. And it's well written. However, I think, it depends on the type of family. But family should always stand with each other even through loud discussions. But to be safe, it is vague and concrete enough to be sound advice. So goal accomplished in attaining a good self-improvement story. Excellent work.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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I dunno. I understand the perspective. And it's well written. However, I think, it depends on the type of family. But family should always stand with each other even through loud discussions. But to be safe, it is vague and concrete enough to be sound advice. So goal accomplished in attaining a good self-improvement story. Excellent work.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Thanks, sunni! I appreciate this great review. Yes, families are difficult. I have such an element in my family and he drives everyone crazy with his inane gossip, but he's still family and we all try to cope. When I receive reviews like yours on any article I write, I take a second look. I made a few tweaks that made it less vague and added some ideas that maybe taken as solutions. Thanks again!
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You'd think it was something to grow up and out of.... And you are a perfectionist. Well great work. Keep it up. Also, you're welcome. Good night :)
Comment from McMurry903
You offered some very good well informed guidance here. I totally agree with your statements on a "gatekeeper" and can relate as I have a family member that would fit that. Well written, thank you! Brian
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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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You offered some very good well informed guidance here. I totally agree with your statements on a "gatekeeper" and can relate as I have a family member that would fit that. Well written, thank you! Brian
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Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Thanks, Brian. I also have a gatekeeper and he's a pain in the butt. I'm delighted you liked this one.
Comment from Gungalo
Yes they do Titan and it causes more trouble than its worth to have them constantly interfering. Not a lot you can do to change things.
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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Yes they do Titan and it causes more trouble than its worth to have them constantly interfering. Not a lot you can do to change things.
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Comment Written 18-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Thanks for this great review, I appreciate it. No it's not a lot you can do. I have a family member that prides himself on being the gatekeeper, and he's a pain in the butt.
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Oh boy, you are in for it then. Heheh ignore him. They hate that!!