Too Many Birds Are Singing!
almost too fantastical to be true ...56 total reviews
Comment from Jane Johnson
Suggestion: 7 year-old-Tommy (should never start a paragraph with a number; it needs to be spelled out)
The following two lines: I have never seen anyone link so many words together with dashes. Why is that necessary?
boring-and-way-too-thick'n-dull
fruit-but-really-a-vegetable
Storyline was good. Good use of imagery. Good sequential conversation. Nice story and the artwork was appropriate. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Suggestion: 7 year-old-Tommy (should never start a paragraph with a number; it needs to be spelled out)
The following two lines: I have never seen anyone link so many words together with dashes. Why is that necessary?
boring-and-way-too-thick'n-dull
fruit-but-really-a-vegetable
Storyline was good. Good use of imagery. Good sequential conversation. Nice story and the artwork was appropriate. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 27-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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thx Jane! good catch on 7-year-old ... and the hyphenated words are a stylistic thing for the Storyteller, as it's a story "told" in a kind of tongue-in-cheek style (see, there's another one!)
Blessings,
Sharyn
Comment from Betty Bleen
I loved loved LOVED this piece! It is so witty and at times I laughed out loud, and it keeps your attention from the first line to the last one. Bravo and kudos to the author!
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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I loved loved LOVED this piece! It is so witty and at times I laughed out loud, and it keeps your attention from the first line to the last one. Bravo and kudos to the author!
Comment Written 27-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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oh I'm SO glad you loved this piece Betty! I had a blast writing it. Or did you guess that already?
Best wishes
Sharyn
Comment from Shirley B
Dear visionary, This was a delight to read. You are a great storyteller. You kept my attention from beginning to end. I loved all your great imagery, expect for one the epileptic snake. It hit too close to home. :) I love this story. Great job. Best of luck in the contest, Shirley
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Dear visionary, This was a delight to read. You are a great storyteller. You kept my attention from beginning to end. I loved all your great imagery, expect for one the epileptic snake. It hit too close to home. :) I love this story. Great job. Best of luck in the contest, Shirley
Comment Written 27-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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aah, I can understand that one being too close to home Shirley, I'm sorry. I've read some of your story my dear and you're a pretty amazing lady. Thank you so much for your special 6, despite the close hit.
Blessings & vast appreciation,
Sharyn
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Dear Sharyn, That is quite all right my friend. :) You deserved the six. :) Shirley
Comment from Hollyhock
Great read, fantastic stroy-telling and excellent characterisation as usual.
Enjoyed the humour in the near caricature of the horrid Miss Montgomery, particularly her "secrets".
A great deal of sympathy here for the little boy. I think you are right, the syndrome label is just too easy these days, little boys always have been reluctant learners, little wrigglers with far more interesting things to do. It does take a particular kind of teacher to get them to engage without realising it.
Particularly like the way your ending re-focused the attention on the child.
Good luck in the contest although I suspect this may be a little too subtle for some!
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Great read, fantastic stroy-telling and excellent characterisation as usual.
Enjoyed the humour in the near caricature of the horrid Miss Montgomery, particularly her "secrets".
A great deal of sympathy here for the little boy. I think you are right, the syndrome label is just too easy these days, little boys always have been reluctant learners, little wrigglers with far more interesting things to do. It does take a particular kind of teacher to get them to engage without realising it.
Particularly like the way your ending re-focused the attention on the child.
Good luck in the contest although I suspect this may be a little too subtle for some!
Comment Written 27-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Bless you Andrea! yes, I already had one dear person thank me for the interesting information on tomatoes ... oh dear ...
Comment from Gregory K Shipman
I am so sorry, Sharyn... so sorry. This is so great of a write... so absolutely great that a five... or even a six does it no justice...
This is so rich, so vibrant and so detailed. There's a story... a message... a truth... and it's presented beautifully...
But then there's talent unleashed! There's humor... clever, hilarious humor. 'Soccer' reference, 'Victoria should have kept this a secret'... on and on.
this is going to be a favorite of mine and who cares about the 2000 words?... all were beautifully crafted, my dear friend.
greg
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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I am so sorry, Sharyn... so sorry. This is so great of a write... so absolutely great that a five... or even a six does it no justice...
This is so rich, so vibrant and so detailed. There's a story... a message... a truth... and it's presented beautifully...
But then there's talent unleashed! There's humor... clever, hilarious humor. 'Soccer' reference, 'Victoria should have kept this a secret'... on and on.
this is going to be a favorite of mine and who cares about the 2000 words?... all were beautifully crafted, my dear friend.
greg
Comment Written 27-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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oh GOOD! I was hoping this one would tickle you! :))))
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You tickle good!
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I do indeed ... beware ...
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Lovely Lady... I'd rather be there than beware... *smirky sigh*
Comment from emjaihammond
I loved this wonderful story. If anybody has ever been a child or worse, had a child who struggles in this area, they know how hard school, both academics and personal life, can be. With help kids do learn to read and write, some need more than others. A very good read and it makes one think too.
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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I loved this wonderful story. If anybody has ever been a child or worse, had a child who struggles in this area, they know how hard school, both academics and personal life, can be. With help kids do learn to read and write, some need more than others. A very good read and it makes one think too.
Comment Written 27-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Bless you MJ! :)Sharyn
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hello sweet Sharyn
This is a remarkably well written story and has the ability to hold this reader's attention. Tommy reminds me of my grandson Bryton. You have a unique of bringing words to life
Bear
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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Hello sweet Sharyn
This is a remarkably well written story and has the ability to hold this reader's attention. Tommy reminds me of my grandson Bryton. You have a unique of bringing words to life
Bear
Comment Written 27-May-2013
reply by the author on 27-May-2013
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and blessings right back to you sweet Bear - little boys are just naturally squiggly - our education system expects them to sit still and silent for hours at a time and that's just plain ridiculous ... and on top of that, we just love to "label" behaviors as "odd" and "wrong". Most of the time these kids are totally normal - they just happen to be on a different part of the continuum of normal human behavior. A hundred years ago, it wouldn't have been 'noticed' as 'different' - the kids would have been running around outside and learning to do things physically, by example - hands on.
Comment from Spitfire
What a delightful story. I thought I had dropped into Alice's Wonderland. Talk about making a case for effective repetition a la the reading books for young learners. Whimsical, yet warm and fuzzy. You are an artist with words. Was all set to give you a six, but site I've already rewarded you twice this month. Sigh. Hugs, Shari
reply by the author on 26-May-2013
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What a delightful story. I thought I had dropped into Alice's Wonderland. Talk about making a case for effective repetition a la the reading books for young learners. Whimsical, yet warm and fuzzy. You are an artist with words. Was all set to give you a six, but site I've already rewarded you twice this month. Sigh. Hugs, Shari
Comment Written 26-May-2013
reply by the author on 26-May-2013
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hey thanks Shari! :)S
Comment from judiverse
I've got to part with another six-star. They're going fast already. The characterizations in this are great--Victoria Montgomery is well described. Tommy is rightly upset with her, and I love the description of Victoria after his mother decks her. "Remedial red" great description. Tommy's problem of ADHD. So true that it's a popular diagnosis. How fortunate that the very eligible Jack offers to teach Tommy to read, and makes a success of it. Great twist that Jack himself once had reading difficulties. Very delightful presentation. judi
reply by the author on 26-May-2013
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I've got to part with another six-star. They're going fast already. The characterizations in this are great--Victoria Montgomery is well described. Tommy is rightly upset with her, and I love the description of Victoria after his mother decks her. "Remedial red" great description. Tommy's problem of ADHD. So true that it's a popular diagnosis. How fortunate that the very eligible Jack offers to teach Tommy to read, and makes a success of it. Great twist that Jack himself once had reading difficulties. Very delightful presentation. judi
Comment Written 26-May-2013
reply by the author on 26-May-2013
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Bless you for your wonderful sixer on this one judi! And dammit they do disappear fast, don't they? But I'm awfully glad I was here today to catch it! thank you sooo much!
:)Sharyn
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You're so welcome, Sharyn. There is hope for those students who have difficulty learning to read, and your story really illustrates that. judi
Comment from jjstar
Best story ever! I love it! What a great way to vent all of the frustrations of late. I went through the same, exact thing with my son's Kindergarten teacher. His punishment for not reading and writing was to have his art time taken away, and his recesses day after, week after week. Of course Art was his strong suit. Very gratified to hear about the tutor/doctor! Awesome.
I did my master's thesis on teaching reading to children exactly like Tommy. There are so many great strategies out there.
Just fabulous!
Our observation of Miss Montgomery, therefore, is cannily accurate===I'm giggling out loud!
she delivers to Miss Montgomery a mighty thwhack on her head.====so funny!
reply by the author on 26-May-2013
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Best story ever! I love it! What a great way to vent all of the frustrations of late. I went through the same, exact thing with my son's Kindergarten teacher. His punishment for not reading and writing was to have his art time taken away, and his recesses day after, week after week. Of course Art was his strong suit. Very gratified to hear about the tutor/doctor! Awesome.
I did my master's thesis on teaching reading to children exactly like Tommy. There are so many great strategies out there.
Just fabulous!
Our observation of Miss Montgomery, therefore, is cannily accurate===I'm giggling out loud!
she delivers to Miss Montgomery a mighty thwhack on her head.====so funny!
Comment Written 26-May-2013
reply by the author on 26-May-2013
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ooh JJ - I'm SOOO glad you found this one and liked it!! Sounds like Miss Montgomery spawned quite a few look-alikes in this world. They'd take away my son's phys ed - the very thing he needed MOST to keep his energy levels under control. Oh man, I'm sooo OVER teachers at this point - and so appreciate the few really GOOD ones I was lucky enough to score when I was at school. They seem like they're in short supply these days! I'm so glad you 'got' this one - I had a blast writing it. I've had a hell of a week with teachers anyway, so this one just took off on its own. (Love it when that happens!)
bless you, as always!
Sharyn