Comment from RGstar

Exceptional

I surmise the antagonist has murdered a girl he met through drug usage of which he remembered little.
I hope I am on track.
You wrote this well. I wondered about ''ne'er'' instead of 'never' for the work did not bear the character of more the same. Yet, credit where due for it was lyrical and captivating as to where the story would lead. Well thought out, thought through and delivered.
Good luck in the competition.
RGstar

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016

Ray, thanks for the great review and the six stars.

Did he murder the girl? Well, that's open to interpretation...

I was trying to channel Poe to some extent - the rhyme scheme and stanza structure is borrowed from his "Raven".

Steve

Comment from damommy

Exceptional

This is a fantastic poem. The rhythm and rhyme are spot on. The internal rhymes are amazing.

I don't think there's must left for me to say except this is tremendously good. 8-)

*******

I loved this the first time, and I was glad to enjoy it again.

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016

Thanks for the enthusiastic review and the six stars - much appreciated.

Steve

Comment from DonandVicki

Excellent

This poetic verse reminds me a lot of the style of Edgar Allan Poe, it has the rhythm of his Annabelle Lee. Very well done and reads smoothly.

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016

Thank you.

I was trying to channel Poe to some extent - the rhyme scheme and stanza structure is borrowed from his "Raven".

Steve

Comment from bob cullen

Exceptional

You sir are a genius and you give lie to any credibility the ratings system claims. If there are thirty better poets than you on Fanstory I'll run naked around Times Square. Not an attractive thought I assure you.
There is only one other poet I'd rate near to you and that is I Am Cat.
Another great example of good poetry

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016

Well, Bob, I certainly wouldn't want to see you arrested for exposing yourself in Times Square. I'll see what I can do to climb back within the top twenty!

I was trying to channel Poe with this - the rhyme scheme and stanza structure is borrowed from his "Raven". Now he WAS a genius!

Steve

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

Excellent writing. I looked at your profile picture and now I know where I have seen you before. Every teen slasher movie ever made.

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016

Now were you looking at the guy on the left, or the guy on the right? One of them's a serial killer for sure.

Thanks for the fun review.

Steve

Comment from foxangie123

Excellent

How very maxing. I hope you don't tire of me telling you what an outstanding artist you are. This is so top f the line perfect indeed. Standing ovation. Wow, seriously.

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2016

Thanks, Angie.

Steve

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Exceptional

I wasn't expecting that murder twist at the end of his -beloved Juliet. Great story in a poem Steve, and love the double rhymes in the first and third lines, works really well. Good luck in the contest, loved it.
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016

Pearl, thanks for the great review and the six shiny stars.

This one was from a couple of years ago, but I've revived it and put it in my 'book.' The rhyme and stanza structure is borrowed from Poe's 'The Raven'. As I recall, it came second in the contest...

Steve

Comment from Nika2016

Excellent

A poem that could be from Poe...It has aspects of criminology...the macabre..tortured love...psychological nuance
and distortion..all wrapped within a difficult structure.

 Comment Written 16-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016

Thanks, Nika. You can blame Poe for the structure - I was trying to emulate the rhyme and stanza pattern of The Raven

This one was from a couple of years, but I've revived it and put it in my 'book.'

Steve

Comment from johnwilson

Excellent

This is amazingly well done! A new version of Romeo & Juliet. The rhyming flows beautifully and I never felt you chose a word simply for the rhyme. I enjoyed everything about this poem, the words you chose were spot on.

 Comment Written 15-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016

Thanks for the kind ords.

This one was from a couple of years, but I've revived it and put it in my 'book.'

Steve

Comment from Marykelly

Exceptional

This is a wonderfully entertaining love story/murder mystery that plays a bit with the original doomed lovers, Romeo and Juliet. The story line is entertaining with its tongue-in-cheek tone and the unfaltering rhyme and rhythm. The imagery gives the reader great mental pictures to supplement the narrative. This was a fun read.

 Comment Written 15-Oct-2016

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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2016

Thanks, Mary. I appreciate the kind words and the six stars.

This one was from a couple of years, but I've revived it and put it in my 'book.' The rhyme and stanza structure is borrowed from Poe's 'The Raven.'

Steve