My Really Truly Christmas Songs
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "He Came"A Collection of my own Compositions for Christmas
30 total reviews
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is such a wonderful and inspirational piece. I think it so unique that you are choosing to convey a lyrical message rather than a simply worded one. Thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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This is such a wonderful and inspirational piece. I think it so unique that you are choosing to convey a lyrical message rather than a simply worded one. Thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Hi friend yep this is another oldie I wrote most of these back in the seventies still unpublished unfortunately maybe now I have them in a book on here might work on Publishing them thanks again hope you heard the midi file.
Comment from emjaihammond
Another very pleasant verse done in song. You have penned a lovely tribute to the season and the One we all should remember as we go about our busy holiday. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Another very pleasant verse done in song. You have penned a lovely tribute to the season and the One we all should remember as we go about our busy holiday. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2013
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Thanks I know you saw some of my other ones hope you heard the music appreciate the review
Comment from barkingdog
I couldn't get the music to work. :(
You asked about the near rhyme of God and Word. They may work in a poem but if it is a song I don't think they are close enough.
The other two stanzas have perfect rhymes which is what you need in the second stanza.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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I couldn't get the music to work. :(
You asked about the near rhyme of God and Word. They may work in a poem but if it is a song I don't think they are close enough.
The other two stanzas have perfect rhymes which is what you need in the second stanza.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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OK well thanks for dropping by might try and look at it again only 2 of you commented but better than just one.
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Thanks fpor coming over for a look I commented on these reviews re matching of God and Word on my profile if you care to look. As another friend said it is very much to do with pronunciation of the words in Ameroca and England versus Australia.
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is a beautiful and spiritual poem that the author has created with this piece of writing. This post gives us hope for the future.
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2013
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This is a beautiful and spiritual poem that the author has created with this piece of writing. This post gives us hope for the future.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2013
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Hi Mate did you get to listen to the Midi file? Thanks for the review.
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No I didn't because my internet options have blocked it.
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Awww sad. I will be opening up the Christmas Carol page on the church web site soon I can send you a link to that where all these are as well and try playing the tunes on there. I usually open it up first week of December, and leave it up till early January.
Comment from cinderbella
I certainly agree with your sentiments, the true meaning of Christmas has often been lost.
This song you have written is wonderful; I think this is a departure from your other writing but it does not disappoint. I loved it. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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I certainly agree with your sentiments, the true meaning of Christmas has often been lost.
This song you have written is wonderful; I think this is a departure from your other writing but it does not disappoint. I loved it. :) Sandra
Comment Written 21-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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Hi Sandra there is another one of these on my Portfolio written a lot more recently than this one title almost the same "He Came To Die For You." Have a look amongst my stuff. Thanks for the lovely review.
They both have the Midi file attached for the music. More coming.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, sankey, it is so true the world is slowly removing Christ from Christmas hymns and the light is fading away. i enjoyed reading your song.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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this is very well written, sankey, it is so true the world is slowly removing Christ from Christmas hymns and the light is fading away. i enjoyed reading your song.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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Hi friend. thanks for the lovely review. I hated it some years ago when the media started "wishing us a 'happy Holiday' " at Christmas time. There are elements who want us to forget the real meaning of Christmas and Easter and soon. As I said in my other song of similar name "He came to Die for You" about the origin of the "christmass" thing was from paganism and soe people these days don't want to remember Christ's birth because of some pagan origins of the celebration. There are Midi files attached to both the Carols on here More coming
Comment from JMUwrites
I like this lyric/poem very much Sankey, it's really very creative and the message is spot-on!
However, as a reviewer that is also a published songwriter (not boasting here, just F.Y.I and to lend credence), the fact that you didn't rhyme the 2nd and 4th lines of the second stanza, does severely diminish the over-all quality of the lyric/poem. What was taught to me very early on in my songwriting career is that when you set-up a rhyme scheme (like you done in the first stanza), you MUST follow it up with the same rhyme scheme in subsequent stanzas. So the moral of the story here is, you as the writer have to choose whether to rhyme or not to rhyme and then stick with it...because doing otherwise (as in your 2nd stanza) is a big no-no, sounding especially "off" when it's sung versus just being read aloud.
Thanks for sharing this, there's so much I like about it...perhaps look to find rhymes to incorporate in the 2nd stanza and do some amending there.
All the best to you, with warm regards...
JMU
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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I like this lyric/poem very much Sankey, it's really very creative and the message is spot-on!
However, as a reviewer that is also a published songwriter (not boasting here, just F.Y.I and to lend credence), the fact that you didn't rhyme the 2nd and 4th lines of the second stanza, does severely diminish the over-all quality of the lyric/poem. What was taught to me very early on in my songwriting career is that when you set-up a rhyme scheme (like you done in the first stanza), you MUST follow it up with the same rhyme scheme in subsequent stanzas. So the moral of the story here is, you as the writer have to choose whether to rhyme or not to rhyme and then stick with it...because doing otherwise (as in your 2nd stanza) is a big no-no, sounding especially "off" when it's sung versus just being read aloud.
Thanks for sharing this, there's so much I like about it...perhaps look to find rhymes to incorporate in the 2nd stanza and do some amending there.
All the best to you, with warm regards...
JMU
Comment Written 21-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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Hi friend I appreciate your comments and review. This was written as I said in the notes in the Seventies. There is another Carol I did a lot more recently already on the Portfolio. I have another one coming on here later that is a lot like Gloria in Excelsis but it is my own work. Isn't it true that in Modern poetry rhyme doesn't necessarily have to follow? Thanks always appreciate the reviews especially from professionals..I am just an amateur.
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Well yes, in SOME regards it's true that modern poetry doesn't need to follow a rhyme scheme (i.e. free verse, blank verse) but like I said in my review, when you set-up a rhyme scheme like you had in the 1st stanza, (and followed up with in the 3rd) you really should stick with the same scheme all the way through each stanza of the poem (or lyric in this instance). It may not look very "wrong" on paper, but when it's being sung...the difference recognized in just two of three stanzas rhyming can (and does) really stand out to listners.
Just trying to be helpful and the best way to do that is by being honest, just as my mentors were with me when I started writing a decade or so ago. All the best to you, and goodbye for now ~ JMU
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Thanks for getting back I will be adding a couple more of these so I would appreciate you looking at them and letting me know as you have. Will see what I can do as long as I can get them to fit with the music.
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You're welcome and yes, I'd be happy to do that for you...just private message me with any questions, etc. Goodbye for now ~ JMU
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Hi Took one word out of the line in second stanza see if that looks better now.
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Hullo again I have decided to stay with it as written. As someone else pointed out the variation in the words God and Word are dependent on where they are being spoken. I postedsomewthiongn on my profile about it if yu wouold liike to read that. I thought soeones explanation of the difference accordig to national accent made sense as well.
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The "British and/or Australian" accent is something I didn't think of when corresponding with you previously and yes, I can see how it might make some difference in pronunciation. I hope it works out well for you because as I'd said previously...I love the message you'd written in it! ~ JMU
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Aww thanks so can I have another star now? HEEH No worries either way. I do appreciate you coming back to tell me you get it now.
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Updated your rating, my pleasure! I can't actually say that I fully "get it now" being that I can't hear the two words in questions spoken one right after the other...but what's most important is that YOU feel comfortable with it since it's you that people will critique. ;) ~ JMU
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Much obliged my friend have I reviewed anything of yours as yet? Hope you will have a look at my other stuff. Just did a poem about the Vain Peewee today about a fella that comes visiting at our back door frequently. I don't know if Peewee's are just Native o Australia. Some more of my carols are coming too when I can get some Member Dollars up again.(More reviewing hehe) Thanks again.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a wonderful Christmas song. I think you have real talent. Thank you for sharing this with us. I like it a lot. Have you published it I've reviewed this before. So my review probably won't count. You are a great musician if you composed the turn too.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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This is a wonderful Christmas song. I think you have real talent. Thank you for sharing this with us. I like it a lot. Have you published it I've reviewed this before. So my review probably won't count. You are a great musician if you composed the turn too.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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hi Beth still unpublished I think I mentioned these carols in my book some where how I sent them to a Sydney Publisher and they came back in a week, I did get some good advice from John T Benson's (now just Benson in America I believe) after I sent them to three publishers in USA. (except for the first one I put on here some time ago "He Came TO Die For You" that was only writtein around 2002. Thanks for your encouragement. Lots of mnice reviews and plenty to think about.
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
We all need a lot of love and spirituality to remind
us of the true meaning of Christmas.
A very fitting song to remind us of the love and peace we can find in the solace of prayer to God, our Father.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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We all need a lot of love and spirituality to remind
us of the true meaning of Christmas.
A very fitting song to remind us of the love and peace we can find in the solace of prayer to God, our Father.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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AMEn Friend thanks for the great review More of these coming ok.
Comment from michaelcahill
Really like this song. Very nice and appropriate for Christmas. They don't know it but, a few of my recent posts are about the same age as this. One from high school. Our little church here has a lovely Christmas program, all spiritual and about the right things, very nice. Enjoyed hearing some of your musical talent. well done my friend. Maybe we should start a band! mikey
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reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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Really like this song. Very nice and appropriate for Christmas. They don't know it but, a few of my recent posts are about the same age as this. One from high school. Our little church here has a lovely Christmas program, all spiritual and about the right things, very nice. Enjoyed hearing some of your musical talent. well done my friend. Maybe we should start a band! mikey
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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Hmmm interesting band what a big long rubber band from one Hemisphere to tother!
Thanks for the great review there is more of these coming had trouble getting the Member dollars working for the promotion! Grrr