Pantoum Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "To Sappho"Poems written using the pantoum form
56 total reviews
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good eye catching photo. Good alliteration with silent/silver/ship...wind/was...he/heart...set/sea...sing/souls. Good use of the abab rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good clear message that holds my attention from start to finish.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Good eye catching photo. Good alliteration with silent/silver/ship...wind/was...he/heart...set/sea...sing/souls. Good use of the abab rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good clear message that holds my attention from start to finish.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Many thanks, RR. I appreciate you taking the time to review, your comments and your generous stars.
Comment from mfowler
Brilliant stuff Tony! The footnotes really helped me navigate the purpose and direction of the pantoum as I read. You are getting good at these. In this case I think the repeated lines add a certain rhythm of mystery and journey which is implied by your unresolved search.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Brilliant stuff Tony! The footnotes really helped me navigate the purpose and direction of the pantoum as I read. You are getting good at these. In this case I think the repeated lines add a certain rhythm of mystery and journey which is implied by your unresolved search.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Many thanks, Mark, for your review and supportive comments. This one was quite a challenge, both in terms of deciding upon an appropriate aspect of Greek history/mythology and in terms of its construction! I'm delighted to hear that you thought it worked well.
Comment from Dakaufmann
This was great, rhythmic, imaginative; and the style reminded me of Edgar Allen Poe, whose genius I admire and love. What kept me from rating six stars was that I felt some of the lines were just a little too repetitive in places. Other than that, I like it.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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This was great, rhythmic, imaginative; and the style reminded me of Edgar Allen Poe, whose genius I admire and love. What kept me from rating six stars was that I felt some of the lines were just a little too repetitive in places. Other than that, I like it.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your kind review and comments, Dakaufmann. The repetition is all part of the poetic structure.
A pantoum has repeating lines throughout. The 2nd and 4th lines of each stanza are repeated as the 1st and 3rd lines of the next. Additionally, to complete the circularity, the 3rd and 1st lines of the poem become, respectively, the 2nd and 4th lines of the last stanza.
I should perhaps have made that clear in the Author Note! It is quite a demanding form to write and its success lies mainly in achieving a slight shift of meaning when the lines are repeated. However, you are right, there is a lot of repetition! On the whole it is only suited to subjects that have a certain circularity about them.
Comment from christopherjl
Wow, this style of poem looks like a blast to write. I'll have to give it a try. The nautical theme worked really well and sort of gave me the feeling of "waves". Well done!
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Wow, this style of poem looks like a blast to write. I'll have to give it a try. The nautical theme worked really well and sort of gave me the feeling of "waves". Well done!
Comment Written 24-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Many thanks, Christopher. I appreciate you taking the time to review, your comments and your generous stars. It's an interesting form to write in. A bit like doing a puzzle. Frequent minor adjustments of wording to make a line fit equally well in both places!
Comment from rjuselius
this is a delightful piece of poetry! although the beascon doesn't show the way, the heart will find the road.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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this is a delightful piece of poetry! although the beascon doesn't show the way, the heart will find the road.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
Comment Written 24-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Many thanks, Rebekka. I appreciate you taking the time to review, your comments and your generous stars.
Comment from Laurie Keim
Hi.
I loved the cadence of this: jaunty but fresh.
The varied sentence structure and the form in general, continually refreshed, too, the conceptual presentation.
In summary, hope turns to search turns to lunacy on the narrative level, while on the conceptual level: all great projects are punished, especially erotic ones: but would we turn back from our journey?
Of course we wouldn't:
"With notes of tidal lunacy
I set out on a lonely trip
Will Sappho ever join with me
Aboard my silent silver ship."
"Tidal lunacy" is pure poetry, describing that central human drive towards the impossible which ebbs and flows through life.
Very neat poetry I enjoyed very much.
Cheers, Laurie Keim
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Hi.
I loved the cadence of this: jaunty but fresh.
The varied sentence structure and the form in general, continually refreshed, too, the conceptual presentation.
In summary, hope turns to search turns to lunacy on the narrative level, while on the conceptual level: all great projects are punished, especially erotic ones: but would we turn back from our journey?
Of course we wouldn't:
"With notes of tidal lunacy
I set out on a lonely trip
Will Sappho ever join with me
Aboard my silent silver ship."
"Tidal lunacy" is pure poetry, describing that central human drive towards the impossible which ebbs and flows through life.
Very neat poetry I enjoyed very much.
Cheers, Laurie Keim
Comment Written 24-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Many thanks, Laurie. I appreciate you taking the time to write such a comprehensive review. I very much enjoyed reading your comments and thank you your generous 6-star rating! Unfortunately I think there's another week to go before I can replenish my Reviewing Contest votes! Maybe another time!
Comment from TOMORAL
Lovely Pantoum. Lovely search for the lost beauty. I enjoyed every line of this and wish against hope that I one day will be able to write a poem even half this good. Thank you for lighting my day.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Lovely Pantoum. Lovely search for the lost beauty. I enjoyed every line of this and wish against hope that I one day will be able to write a poem even half this good. Thank you for lighting my day.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Many thanks, Tomoral. I appreciate you taking the time to review, your comments and your generous stars. I have no doubt that one day your poetry will far surpass mine! The main thing is to write mainly for your own pleasure and from your own heart.
Comment from allborn66
This is a wonderful poem. I loved the form that you were challenged to use. The rhyming scheme is great. The word choice is strong. Great imagination in your tale.
Barbara
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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This is a wonderful poem. I loved the form that you were challenged to use. The rhyming scheme is great. The word choice is strong. Great imagination in your tale.
Barbara
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Many thanks, Barbara. I appreciate you taking the time to review, your comments and your generous stars.
Comment from pipersfancy
What a magical, fanciful, albeit ultimately unattainable, quest you've taken us on! I love the lyrical beauty of the lines, the magical tie-in to mythical worlds, the longing for beauty once seen, now lost. It's really lovely!
PF
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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What a magical, fanciful, albeit ultimately unattainable, quest you've taken us on! I love the lyrical beauty of the lines, the magical tie-in to mythical worlds, the longing for beauty once seen, now lost. It's really lovely!
PF
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Many thanks, PF. I appreciate you taking the time to review, your wonderfully supportive comments and your generous six-star rating. This was one of those poems that almost wrote itself once I had got started. It's a nice change when it happens like that. I think that tenth muse must have been at my shoulder!
Comment from w.j.debi
The Greek myths are fascinating and there are so many versions of the more commonly known ones that it is nice to discover something less known.
Nice pantomime. I'm glad you took up the challenge. You've made it flow well and created a mystic mood that makes the myth step out of the mist and beckon the reader to step into another world. Lovely artwork to complement your theme as well.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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The Greek myths are fascinating and there are so many versions of the more commonly known ones that it is nice to discover something less known.
Nice pantomime. I'm glad you took up the challenge. You've made it flow well and created a mystic mood that makes the myth step out of the mist and beckon the reader to step into another world. Lovely artwork to complement your theme as well.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Many thanks, WJB. I appreciate you taking the time to review, your thoughtful comments and your generous stars.