Pantoum Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Lost for Words"Poems written using the pantoum form
38 total reviews
Comment from Paul Sienicki
This Pantoum is a very powerful poetic genre with its strong repeating structure, tony. Yes I concur with the message, our thoughts sometimes are not our own they come as they will like a wind or like a flock of birds driven by some secrete instinct. And we stumble over words because we stumble over thoughts. Perhaps this is due to our inner conflict of instincts battling for priority. But, the truth is that our thoughts are affected by our language and vice-versa. Thank you for sharing and composing this piece. Cheers.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2013
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This Pantoum is a very powerful poetic genre with its strong repeating structure, tony. Yes I concur with the message, our thoughts sometimes are not our own they come as they will like a wind or like a flock of birds driven by some secrete instinct. And we stumble over words because we stumble over thoughts. Perhaps this is due to our inner conflict of instincts battling for priority. But, the truth is that our thoughts are affected by our language and vice-versa. Thank you for sharing and composing this piece. Cheers.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for taking the time to review my poem so thoroughly, Paul. I was most interested to read your comments.
Comment from 9999pool
A good pantoum about the emotion and feelings of a person suffering from senile dementia. Thoughts and memories can be random and forgetfulness and memory lost being a very cruel cut int he heart. Life just drifts on everyday and the sufferer wondered what happened in the past i.e. if they remembered to ask that question in their minds.
It is a sad and terrible state of mind to be in.
Excellent write and well penned.
Cheerio, Ritchie. :))
Have a great and wonderful Sunday.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2013
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A good pantoum about the emotion and feelings of a person suffering from senile dementia. Thoughts and memories can be random and forgetfulness and memory lost being a very cruel cut int he heart. Life just drifts on everyday and the sufferer wondered what happened in the past i.e. if they remembered to ask that question in their minds.
It is a sad and terrible state of mind to be in.
Excellent write and well penned.
Cheerio, Ritchie. :))
Have a great and wonderful Sunday.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2013
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Thanks, Ritchie, for an interesting, empathetic review and generous star rating.
Comment from livelylinda
Tony: the pantoum, itself, sounds like dementia with the repetitive lines. The picture looks appropriate and you have successfully written a good pantoum. Look forward to your villanelles acomin' soon. livelylinda
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Tony: the pantoum, itself, sounds like dementia with the repetitive lines. The picture looks appropriate and you have successfully written a good pantoum. Look forward to your villanelles acomin' soon. livelylinda
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thanks, Linda! That was the effect I was trying to achieve! Glad it worked for you. I appreciate your review!
Comment from goompa
Yes indeed Tony. This form of poetry really fits the language patterns of people with senile dementia. Great job. By the way, I watched my mother go downhill with dementia over a period of 7 years. The only good thing about it was that I could trell her the same jokes every other day and she treated them as new.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Yes indeed Tony. This form of poetry really fits the language patterns of people with senile dementia. Great job. By the way, I watched my mother go downhill with dementia over a period of 7 years. The only good thing about it was that I could trell her the same jokes every other day and she treated them as new.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thanks, Goompa! I appreciate your kind review. It can be a long and draining experience, can't it? You certainly need to keep a bit of a sense of humour, both for your own sake and for theirs!
Comment from pipersfancy
This almost made me cry - I agree, this is the perfect format to express that growing frustration with memory slips and language 'disassembling' as the mind becomes more and more convoluted. I worked for 3 years in a neuro rehab facility as the lead therapist, and one wing was a dedicated unit for memory impaired adults. These were the folks who were not going to be rehabilitated, nor be able to go home again... and their visitors usually became fewer and fewer as the weeks and months passed. Broke my heart.
The line I like best in this work is:
My mind's a shell I have outgrown
Somehow, it leaves me with a sense of hopefulness... perhaps we have misread the forgetfulness... perhaps instead of memory loss, we are witnessing the metamorphosis of a soul to a higher place, a place where human language is no longer required, a place of peace and perfect contentment. I'd like to think so.
Beautiful work, Tony.
PF
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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This almost made me cry - I agree, this is the perfect format to express that growing frustration with memory slips and language 'disassembling' as the mind becomes more and more convoluted. I worked for 3 years in a neuro rehab facility as the lead therapist, and one wing was a dedicated unit for memory impaired adults. These were the folks who were not going to be rehabilitated, nor be able to go home again... and their visitors usually became fewer and fewer as the weeks and months passed. Broke my heart.
The line I like best in this work is:
My mind's a shell I have outgrown
Somehow, it leaves me with a sense of hopefulness... perhaps we have misread the forgetfulness... perhaps instead of memory loss, we are witnessing the metamorphosis of a soul to a higher place, a place where human language is no longer required, a place of peace and perfect contentment. I'd like to think so.
Beautiful work, Tony.
PF
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your lovely review, PF, and the gift of the six stars! That must have been a harrowing line of work seeing families gradually discarding their loved ones in that way. I think you may be right. There is often a calm acceptance in people before the end which suggests that the soul has taken refuge somewhere and is at peace, awaiting its final journey.
Comment from krys123
The gratitude to you Tony for sharing this well thought out and provocative poem with fans, myself another readers/writers. You delicately written this poem which offered the not so favored aspects of having dementia. Your imagery portrayed many of the aspects of this disease was like you have written empties your mind. Your rhyming quatrains were done very well and neither of your rhymes were forced, labored or strained. You have a good one.
AK
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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The gratitude to you Tony for sharing this well thought out and provocative poem with fans, myself another readers/writers. You delicately written this poem which offered the not so favored aspects of having dementia. Your imagery portrayed many of the aspects of this disease was like you have written empties your mind. Your rhyming quatrains were done very well and neither of your rhymes were forced, labored or strained. You have a good one.
AK
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thanks, AK, for your kind and constructive review. I appreciate your thoughts and analysis.
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Thank you very much Tony
Comment from Spitfire
Wow! I feel as if you have gotten inside the brain of someone losing their memory.
My mind's a shell I have outgrown --I like this. To me, it's a positive spin on the disease.
Great word choices to get across the confusion that comes to the afflicted one: dissemble, fluster, unravel, slip and swirl.
You are a poet to be reckoned with. :-)
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Wow! I feel as if you have gotten inside the brain of someone losing their memory.
My mind's a shell I have outgrown --I like this. To me, it's a positive spin on the disease.
Great word choices to get across the confusion that comes to the afflicted one: dissemble, fluster, unravel, slip and swirl.
You are a poet to be reckoned with. :-)
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thank you, Spitfire, for your very kind review and gift of six stars. There does seem to be a calm acceptance in people before the end which suggests that the soul has taken refuge somewhere beyond the failing body and mind and is at peace, awaiting its final journey. I really appreciate your encouraging reviews. They mean a lot to me.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Another pantoum from you - this one is very well titled as well as well written. You have the hang of the pantoum form. You use some beautiful phrases on a subject that is an awful affliction - dementia. Well done. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Another pantoum from you - this one is very well titled as well as well written. You have the hang of the pantoum form. You use some beautiful phrases on a subject that is an awful affliction - dementia. Well done. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Very many thanks, Dorothy, for taking the time to review. I appreciate your very kind comments.
Comment from JMUwrites
Ah, here you go again Tony...writing yet another Pantoum that I actually like! ;)
Done very well with a boat-load of imagery that you'd created though words employed...and technically it's of course, spot-on!
Thanks for sharing this, all the best to you and goodbye for now!
Jeffrey
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Ah, here you go again Tony...writing yet another Pantoum that I actually like! ;)
Done very well with a boat-load of imagery that you'd created though words employed...and technically it's of course, spot-on!
Thanks for sharing this, all the best to you and goodbye for now!
Jeffrey
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2013
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Thanks again, Jeffrey. I think this might be the last one for a while. Time to try another form, I think! I do appreciate you taking the time to review and comment.
Comment from paulah60
What a sad place to end up in, particularly when there's awareness in those moments of lucidity, that you are slowly slipping.
But what's also interesting -- and this came to me as I was reading your very well-written piece -- is that aspects of this are part of the creative process: stumbling over words; mind going blank; thoughts lost; grasping for meaning; meanings reversed. All precursors for greater creative expression. When we feel like we're going backwards, we're just going deeper. I console myself using the long jump as an analogy for this: starting far back to take a great leap (the forerunner). I guess though, with dementia, the starter position gets further and further back, and bit by bit, you just stop leaving it.
Great piece, Tony.
Cheers
Paula
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2013
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What a sad place to end up in, particularly when there's awareness in those moments of lucidity, that you are slowly slipping.
But what's also interesting -- and this came to me as I was reading your very well-written piece -- is that aspects of this are part of the creative process: stumbling over words; mind going blank; thoughts lost; grasping for meaning; meanings reversed. All precursors for greater creative expression. When we feel like we're going backwards, we're just going deeper. I console myself using the long jump as an analogy for this: starting far back to take a great leap (the forerunner). I guess though, with dementia, the starter position gets further and further back, and bit by bit, you just stop leaving it.
Great piece, Tony.
Cheers
Paula
Comment Written 27-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2013
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Thanks for your most interesting review, Paula. The long jump metaphor is a good one! Wrestling with words is a challenging task at the best of times. They are powerful weapons to be used with care!