The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Ten Oakes Part II"Love Among the Thorns
38 total reviews
Comment from Gungalo
Some men just make the best fathers don't they. Nathan is one of them. He'll make such good decisions for her. I hope to keep up with this story now girl.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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Some men just make the best fathers don't they. Nathan is one of them. He'll make such good decisions for her. I hope to keep up with this story now girl.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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Thank you, my dear.
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Smiling at you.
Comment from Schalk Jacobs
Poor Nate, caught between two women he loves. With Margaret back in town things are really going to get ugly. She was the one that went along with her parents wishes and left him. Now she comes crawling back. Hope Nate's resolve can hold under her, soon to be, relentless onslaught for his affections. Great writing, my friend. Keep it up.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Poor Nate, caught between two women he loves. With Margaret back in town things are really going to get ugly. She was the one that went along with her parents wishes and left him. Now she comes crawling back. Hope Nate's resolve can hold under her, soon to be, relentless onslaught for his affections. Great writing, my friend. Keep it up.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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See that's what I love about the darling readers that try to keep up with my story. You're worth your weight in gold. Thank you for knowing the history of my characters. And thank you for this fine review.
Comment from kiwijenny
What wonderful dialog ...internal and external...I loved the daddy being daddy to little Margaret.....I liked the descriptions.....it was a very enjoyable read.well done
God bless
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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What wonderful dialog ...internal and external...I loved the daddy being daddy to little Margaret.....I liked the descriptions.....it was a very enjoyable read.well done
God bless
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thank you for reading my latest chapter.
Comment from Mastery
Wonderful writing in this chapter, amahra, just as in all of your work. Your dialogue and imagery are superb:
"Nathan stiffened; he felt tiny beads of sweat envading his forehead. He wet his lips and remembered how she tasted the first time he'd kissed her. How her body melted into his when he held her. How she'd teased him with her breast, exposing one plump pink nipple. But then--something flashed inside of him, as if a hypnotist had snapped his finger."
There is one thing I would like to suggest to you...and you can explore this in Strunk and White or other good reference books:
The use of tags should be 90 percent limited to "he said, "she said" or he asked, she asked. In fact, tags like this, with an adverb especially, are absolutely no nos: "Grace asked, rhetorically." Just "asked Grace or Grace asked" will be fine here.
Like I said...don't take my word for it...look it up. I realize that "he said and "ahe said" sound repetitive, but such is not the case. Good job on this write...Blessings...Bob
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Wonderful writing in this chapter, amahra, just as in all of your work. Your dialogue and imagery are superb:
"Nathan stiffened; he felt tiny beads of sweat envading his forehead. He wet his lips and remembered how she tasted the first time he'd kissed her. How her body melted into his when he held her. How she'd teased him with her breast, exposing one plump pink nipple. But then--something flashed inside of him, as if a hypnotist had snapped his finger."
There is one thing I would like to suggest to you...and you can explore this in Strunk and White or other good reference books:
The use of tags should be 90 percent limited to "he said, "she said" or he asked, she asked. In fact, tags like this, with an adverb especially, are absolutely no nos: "Grace asked, rhetorically." Just "asked Grace or Grace asked" will be fine here.
Like I said...don't take my word for it...look it up. I realize that "he said and "ahe said" sound repetitive, but such is not the case. Good job on this write...Blessings...Bob
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thank you for the review and advice, Bob. I thought I had to say 'rhetorically' so my readers would understand why he didn't answer her question. Strunk and White? Ok, I'll check it out. And thanks again.
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You do that by using strong verbs in the description...then you won't need modifying adverbs.. Also, Strunk and White is a very small book...I think less than 100 pages. don't have it in front of me right now, but it is known as the Bible for writers...Google it. LOL..bob
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I have a kindle. I'll see if it's in kindle form.
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Wow! Good Idea! Bob
Comment from fafa
It is a great piece of suspense, the martyrdom of listening to be invaded in the House and the methodical waiting while he was arming shotgun it creates a very special atmosphere, I like greetings
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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It is a great piece of suspense, the martyrdom of listening to be invaded in the House and the methodical waiting while he was arming shotgun it creates a very special atmosphere, I like greetings
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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You lost me in your review. I don't quite understand. But, thank you so much for reading my latest chapter. I really do appreciate it, my friend.
Comment from A Matter Of Words
This is the first chapter I have read. I found the dialogue to very realistic and you laced your work with enough description for the reader to get a good sense of being there. The triangular tension between Margaret and the couple was well-told. Nathan's discomfort and Margaret's sultry invitation was very well-written.
SPAG: Mother wrote to me about what you did.....saved a lot of people in this town from being ruin... Possibly should read from ruin or from being ruined.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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This is the first chapter I have read. I found the dialogue to very realistic and you laced your work with enough description for the reader to get a good sense of being there. The triangular tension between Margaret and the couple was well-told. Nathan's discomfort and Margaret's sultry invitation was very well-written.
SPAG: Mother wrote to me about what you did.....saved a lot of people in this town from being ruin... Possibly should read from ruin or from being ruined.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much for reading and catching that error. I'm so glad you enjoyed my chapter. I will make the correction.
Comment from Lynette Marie
I'm new to this story, and you captured my interest right away. I'm wondering about Nathan's past with Margaret. You build the tension between them well. I often find baby talk (in written works) annoying, but yours is minimal and believable, not annoying at all. I enjoyed this chapter, and will look forward to more.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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I'm new to this story, and you captured my interest right away. I'm wondering about Nathan's past with Margaret. You build the tension between them well. I often find baby talk (in written works) annoying, but yours is minimal and believable, not annoying at all. I enjoyed this chapter, and will look forward to more.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read my chapter. I look forward to future reviews from you.
Comment from Acquired Taste
First and foremost - I really enjoyed reading this. From this partial chapter I would read the entire book. You have rich descriptions and quite believable dialogue. You can feel the tension in the room. Thank you for the info at the bottom giving us "newbies" some background. Waiting for the next offering.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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First and foremost - I really enjoyed reading this. From this partial chapter I would read the entire book. You have rich descriptions and quite believable dialogue. You can feel the tension in the room. Thank you for the info at the bottom giving us "newbies" some background. Waiting for the next offering.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from DRG24
Wow!!!!!! This is an amazing story and I love the themes and topics that are discussed in this. It was an interesting read and I hope to see another one!!!!!!!!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Wow!!!!!! This is an amazing story and I love the themes and topics that are discussed in this. It was an interesting read and I hope to see another one!!!!!!!!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much DRG24. I really glad you enjoyed my chapter. And thank you so much for the stars.
Comment from abbasjoy
This is a very interesting chapter, because it evokes so many emotions. These new parents who are enjoying their little baby, and then in the midst of this comes this former lover, evidently ready to wreak havoc on this relationship.
Obviously Nathan's memories of her still have an effect on him. Will this be allowed to present problems in Grace and Nathan's marriage.
Quite an intriguing chapter.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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This is a very interesting chapter, because it evokes so many emotions. These new parents who are enjoying their little baby, and then in the midst of this comes this former lover, evidently ready to wreak havoc on this relationship.
Obviously Nathan's memories of her still have an effect on him. Will this be allowed to present problems in Grace and Nathan's marriage.
Quite an intriguing chapter.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much for this fine review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.