But, My Mother Is Crazy
Short Story-Contest Entry-I Remember24 total reviews
Comment from Lynette Marie
This is an outstanding entry for the contest. This did not come off as uncaring to me. I agree with you about looking forward rather than living in the past. We all have had problems. Whether we choose to rise above or let them define us sets the course for our lives. Well done!
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This is an outstanding entry for the contest. This did not come off as uncaring to me. I agree with you about looking forward rather than living in the past. We all have had problems. Whether we choose to rise above or let them define us sets the course for our lives. Well done!
Comment Written 13-May-2014
Comment from humpwhistle
Sounds like a pretty disturbing childhood--despite your
attempts to cope.
Mikey (I'm guessing it's you, based on the type face), I think you might want to give this another edit. In addition to the things I noted, there's an awful lot of repetition. I think shaving at least 100 words would improve the flow of the story.
Peace, Lee
I knew from my earliest memories that I didn't have a mom that behaved like most moms. It didn't bother me particularly. I didn't know anything different.--The first and third sentences here seem a bit contradictory.
little eight-year-old boy--My God, the incident scared two years off your life!
The significance this event holds in my life is the point of this.--kind of an awkward sentence (the 'significance' and the ' point' in the same sentence)
reply by the author on 13-May-2014
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Sounds like a pretty disturbing childhood--despite your
attempts to cope.
Mikey (I'm guessing it's you, based on the type face), I think you might want to give this another edit. In addition to the things I noted, there's an awful lot of repetition. I think shaving at least 100 words would improve the flow of the story.
Peace, Lee
I knew from my earliest memories that I didn't have a mom that behaved like most moms. It didn't bother me particularly. I didn't know anything different.--The first and third sentences here seem a bit contradictory.
little eight-year-old boy--My God, the incident scared two years off your life!
The significance this event holds in my life is the point of this.--kind of an awkward sentence (the 'significance' and the ' point' in the same sentence)
Comment Written 13-May-2014
reply by the author on 13-May-2014
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I shall do all of that. Or, try anyway. 100 of my beloved rambling words, huh? I'll give it a go. That's hilarious. I don't know what possessed me to become eight all of a sudden. Hahaha. Yes, that is a terrible sentence. Thanks for the tips. I'll see what I can do.
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Thanks again for the great advice. I was ruthless and trimmed 106 of my beloved words. It actually reads fairly smooth now!
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Glad to have helped. Cutting is such sweet sorrow. L
Comment from MIKECON
I loved the honesty of this piece,and I agree yesterday was history,today is news and tomorrow the future.You cant change history, you can make news,and most of all you can shape the future.Nicely written well done,and the best luck in the contest.
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I loved the honesty of this piece,and I agree yesterday was history,today is news and tomorrow the future.You cant change history, you can make news,and most of all you can shape the future.Nicely written well done,and the best luck in the contest.
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Comment Written 13-May-2014
Comment from Nosha17
It was very well written and suitable to be read by any age. I don't find you have acted or written in an uncaring way, you became by force of circumstances a realist and acquired a tough exterior to counter the many dreadful knocks, including the knife! I admire your courage and believe that writing about it is the best therapy and has an added advantage of being available for others to read and learn from. It must have been hell! The narrative and descriptions were good. Good luck in the contest. Faye
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It was very well written and suitable to be read by any age. I don't find you have acted or written in an uncaring way, you became by force of circumstances a realist and acquired a tough exterior to counter the many dreadful knocks, including the knife! I admire your courage and believe that writing about it is the best therapy and has an added advantage of being available for others to read and learn from. It must have been hell! The narrative and descriptions were good. Good luck in the contest. Faye
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-May-2014