Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "The Elusive butterfly "A book of Poetry & Writing
53 total reviews
Comment from Kausar_Javeria
Hello there~
This is amazing..Truly amazing. I really don't have words.. sadly, neither do I have the stars to rate this piece properly..
BTW, shouldn't you have posted this as poetry..?
God Bless~!
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Hello there~
This is amazing..Truly amazing. I really don't have words.. sadly, neither do I have the stars to rate this piece properly..
BTW, shouldn't you have posted this as poetry..?
God Bless~!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from Bryana
I find this as a very profound poem rather than a script.
I'm not the writer, if I were I would've called it a poem with profound and philosophical thoughts. Still it's well written.
Have a nice weekend.
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I find this as a very profound poem rather than a script.
I'm not the writer, if I were I would've called it a poem with profound and philosophical thoughts. Still it's well written.
Have a nice weekend.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
I think the theme and the direction you seem to want to take with this are stellar and could turn into something deeply moving. I have read through this a few times as I never want to be unfair, especially when something shows such promise. The first thing that lowers the score for me is that I cannot see where this is a script. It lacks a setting and a character to be speaking this monologue if that is what this is meant to be. The second reason for the lower score lies in the numerous grammatical errors - I can totally understand a couple but not so many. If you should alter this I would be more than happy to take another look and re-evaluate it accordingly. Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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I think the theme and the direction you seem to want to take with this are stellar and could turn into something deeply moving. I have read through this a few times as I never want to be unfair, especially when something shows such promise. The first thing that lowers the score for me is that I cannot see where this is a script. It lacks a setting and a character to be speaking this monologue if that is what this is meant to be. The second reason for the lower score lies in the numerous grammatical errors - I can totally understand a couple but not so many. If you should alter this I would be more than happy to take another look and re-evaluate it accordingly. Nicely done and I thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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welcome when I write I write what I feel right or indifferent to what people read so thanks for your comments I understand your issues to free word
Gary
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I agree and I feel much the same way. Had you submitted this as a poem I would have had a different take on it.
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being old English, what is a poem but free words on paper
Comment from lancellot
I do not think this is a script. It may be a free verse poem, and the form and limited punctuation lead to that conclusion. There is also some confusion as the theme.
Alas the terrors of being committed to one as you [are] flying so high
- as you fly so high
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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I do not think this is a script. It may be a free verse poem, and the form and limited punctuation lead to that conclusion. There is also some confusion as the theme.
Alas the terrors of being committed to one as you [are] flying so high
- as you fly so high
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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thanks I like it the way it is
Regards
Comment from ElPoetry001
Excellent
People who will lead for greed only need people who are not true to themselves.
If a person cannot be true to himself, he will not be true to others.
For many a contract, a promise, or a marriage is but an empty promise that can be disregarded when the right opportunity presents itself, for sex, power, or money.
Ring around the Rosie may come back to haunt us.
We are faced by the plague of dishonesty and deceit, a rash of liars, and posies of "I am sorry," used to cover the smell of betrayal. Soon, the liars will sneeze, then fall, enveloped in the plague, spread by the Devil's Buttery, and they all fall down; ashes to ashes.
Reliability, credibility, integrity, are all to be found on the "high road," where a man's word is his bond, each man and woman embraces Shakespeare's advice for all of us:
Polonius:
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!
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Excellent
People who will lead for greed only need people who are not true to themselves.
If a person cannot be true to himself, he will not be true to others.
For many a contract, a promise, or a marriage is but an empty promise that can be disregarded when the right opportunity presents itself, for sex, power, or money.
Ring around the Rosie may come back to haunt us.
We are faced by the plague of dishonesty and deceit, a rash of liars, and posies of "I am sorry," used to cover the smell of betrayal. Soon, the liars will sneeze, then fall, enveloped in the plague, spread by the Devil's Buttery, and they all fall down; ashes to ashes.
Reliability, credibility, integrity, are all to be found on the "high road," where a man's word is his bond, each man and woman embraces Shakespeare's advice for all of us:
Polonius:
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from padumachitta
Hi. Not sure why this is a script. But, hey, who am I to know?
It reads more like peotry, with the lack of punctuation. Be that as it may, the images are strong and the 'message' is clear, though I may be wrong...eveila dn good, dark and light...the temptation, and the possible redemption...
padumachitta
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Hi. Not sure why this is a script. But, hey, who am I to know?
It reads more like peotry, with the lack of punctuation. Be that as it may, the images are strong and the 'message' is clear, though I may be wrong...eveila dn good, dark and light...the temptation, and the possible redemption...
padumachitta
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from Ben Colder
I am not familiar with this type of script writing. Is is play, stage or perhaps screen? It appears to me more like an essay. The wording is great. Google explains 5 various ways to write script. Peace to you.
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I am not familiar with this type of script writing. Is is play, stage or perhaps screen? It appears to me more like an essay. The wording is great. Google explains 5 various ways to write script. Peace to you.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from JB Lynn
I like the imagery in this. I'm not sure if others have commented on the lack of punctuation or not (ie: no periods) but because there aren't any, I'm assuming this was done intentionally. It might be better to categorize this as poetry - if you get a lot of those comments. Even the other scripts I've read, use punctuation. That aside, the imagery and flow was nicely done. Thank you for sharing.
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I like the imagery in this. I'm not sure if others have commented on the lack of punctuation or not (ie: no periods) but because there aren't any, I'm assuming this was done intentionally. It might be better to categorize this as poetry - if you get a lot of those comments. Even the other scripts I've read, use punctuation. That aside, the imagery and flow was nicely done. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from James Dooney
Yep. Its true huh... the devil flops it out and the angel, like an innocent little church girl in the front row with her legs together secretly squirting volumes into her knickers when the devilish bad boy walks past, hmm.. we know the story... a story you have told very well here !
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Yep. Its true huh... the devil flops it out and the angel, like an innocent little church girl in the front row with her legs together secretly squirting volumes into her knickers when the devilish bad boy walks past, hmm.. we know the story... a story you have told very well here !
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
Comment from irishauthorme
Wow, intense! Only 5's left and this deserves a six! You really illustrated the eternal contest between innocence and evil, and the picture was a great opener.
Terrific parody on our tormented life.
irish
PS: Where did you find that picture?
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Wow, intense! Only 5's left and this deserves a six! You really illustrated the eternal contest between innocence and evil, and the picture was a great opener.
Terrific parody on our tormented life.
irish
PS: Where did you find that picture?
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014