Senryu (Mom and dad divorce)
senryu contest32 total reviews
Comment from Sis Cat
This is a sly senryu. Your words are well chosen to tell a story. The satori line "mom serves life sentence" suggests that she killed bother ex-husband and his babysitter-wife. This is a simple and powerful poem. Thank you for sharing. I wish you success in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
  |
This is a sly senryu. Your words are well chosen to tell a story. The satori line "mom serves life sentence" suggests that she killed bother ex-husband and his babysitter-wife. This is a simple and powerful poem. Thank you for sharing. I wish you success in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
-
Thank you Sis Cat for this awesome review my friend! I came in second, but the reviews were simply priceless!
God bless!
Steve
Comment from Gert sherwood
Well author your entry for the contest plainly tells us a story of what happened from what you said
dad marries babysitter
mom serves life sentence
Gert
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
|
Well author your entry for the contest plainly tells us a story of what happened from what you said
dad marries babysitter
mom serves life sentence
Gert
Comment Written 10-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2015
-
Thank you for this awesome review.
I had fun with particular piece!
God bless!
Steve
Comment from RahulChadha
Whoever wrote this I respect your feelings, I know how it might feel to pass through such a phase of life. best of luck friend and best wishes.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
|
Whoever wrote this I respect your feelings, I know how it might feel to pass through such a phase of life. best of luck friend and best wishes.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
-
Thank you RahulChadha for this most excellent of reviews.
God bless!
Comment from ravenblack
Now that is a nuclear family ruptured to its core if I ever heard one. It looks like dad now has a heavy, permanent sitter- dirt. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
|
Now that is a nuclear family ruptured to its core if I ever heard one. It looks like dad now has a heavy, permanent sitter- dirt. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
-
LOL!
Thank you ravenblack for this awesome review my friend.
God bless!
Comment from NJK62
A very effective senryu that is certainly highly effective. I think some of the power of the image in the final line comes from the simplicity and baldness of the statements in the first two lines. The image itself conveys effectively (though not particularly originally) the difficulty the mother will have in coming to terms with the betrayal. This entry in the competition deserves to do well.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
|
A very effective senryu that is certainly highly effective. I think some of the power of the image in the final line comes from the simplicity and baldness of the statements in the first two lines. The image itself conveys effectively (though not particularly originally) the difficulty the mother will have in coming to terms with the betrayal. This entry in the competition deserves to do well.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
-
Thank you for this most excellent of reviews my friend.
God bless!
-
Just reread the review, sorry about the clumsy opening to the first sentence!!! Nevertheless, glad you liked it.
Comment from TAB_that's me
This certainly qualifies as a senryu and your syllable count is perfect. Good alliteration with dad divorce. Good luck to you.
teresa
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
|
This certainly qualifies as a senryu and your syllable count is perfect. Good alliteration with dad divorce. Good luck to you.
teresa
Comment Written 10-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
-
Thank you Teresa for another excellent review my friend.
God bless!
Comment from Nosha17
Is this a sign of modern trends? I hope not, I know you are poking fun, but it is a scary thought. Well chosen words and imagery. Good luck in the contest. Faye
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
|
Is this a sign of modern trends? I hope not, I know you are poking fun, but it is a scary thought. Well chosen words and imagery. Good luck in the contest. Faye
Comment Written 10-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
-
I hope not either lol!
Thank you for the awesome review Faye.
God bless!
Comment from Domino 2
Maybe the young fit babysitter will either wear Dad out, or give him a heart attack trying to keep 'up' with the pace. Then Dad won't last long, and Mom's 'life sentence won't last long either, as she dances on his grave. ;-)
Funny post.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
|
Maybe the young fit babysitter will either wear Dad out, or give him a heart attack trying to keep 'up' with the pace. Then Dad won't last long, and Mom's 'life sentence won't last long either, as she dances on his grave. ;-)
Funny post.
Good luck and best wishes, Ray.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
-
LOL! I love all the awesome reviews that I have received from this piece.
Thank you for another twisted one Ray lol!
God bless!
Comment from amada
Ouch! You tell a complete story in this work. A senryu with many ramifications and sometimes so true to life as well. Very well this senryu dealing with human emotions.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
|
Ouch! You tell a complete story in this work. A senryu with many ramifications and sometimes so true to life as well. Very well this senryu dealing with human emotions.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
-
Thank you Amada for this excellent review my friend! My Mother always said "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!"
God bless!
Comment from Benjamin Valencia
Wow, a harrowing write. Loved the twist in this one. I'm not sure why the mom bothered though. She was too good for him. Should have found another way to skin a cat. Cheers.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
|
Wow, a harrowing write. Loved the twist in this one. I'm not sure why the mom bothered though. She was too good for him. Should have found another way to skin a cat. Cheers.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2015
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2015
-
LOL! I have not heard the term "Skin a cat" in I don't know how long. Thank you Benjamin for this most excellent review my friend.
God bless!