2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "haiku (raindrops on cold)"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
23 total reviews
Comment from kittykatnoel
Beautiful poem and picture. I love raindrops falling on glass, and your words have captured the experience. In the third line is it breath, or breathe?
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2015
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Beautiful poem and picture. I love raindrops falling on glass, and your words have captured the experience. In the third line is it breath, or breathe?
Comment Written 21-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2015
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Thanks Kat, it's suppose to be breathe, I missed that. Thank you very much for your feedback and review. Happy Holidays!
Comment from Gloria ....
Actually Gypsy I like this quite a bit. The concrete imagery is there, the satori line being the condensation hearts that are drawn on the cold glass, warmed from the inside.
It's definitely one to get us thinking, so yes, I'd say you've done a fabulous job with your haiku.
Best wishes to you in the contest.
Gloria
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reply by the author on 21-Dec-2015
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Actually Gypsy I like this quite a bit. The concrete imagery is there, the satori line being the condensation hearts that are drawn on the cold glass, warmed from the inside.
It's definitely one to get us thinking, so yes, I'd say you've done a fabulous job with your haiku.
Best wishes to you in the contest.
Gloria
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2015
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Gloria, thank you so much for 'getting' what this haiku is about, you are the first one. Thank you very much for your feedback and review. Happy Holidays!
Comment from robyn corum
Gypsy,
I absolutely LOVED your first two lines. It made a remarkably clear picture in my head. (Thanks! *smile*) The last line, to tell the truth, muddied things a bit for me. I THINK I got it, but I'm not sure. I might recommend a revision; perhaps something about how the raindrops on the glass made you FEEL...?
(Merely a suggestion!)
Thanks!
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2015
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Gypsy,
I absolutely LOVED your first two lines. It made a remarkably clear picture in my head. (Thanks! *smile*) The last line, to tell the truth, muddied things a bit for me. I THINK I got it, but I'm not sure. I might recommend a revision; perhaps something about how the raindrops on the glass made you FEEL...?
(Merely a suggestion!)
Thanks!
Comment Written 21-Dec-2015
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2015
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Thank you very much for the feedback and review. I appreciate your time and expert opinion. Happy Holidays :)