For You Have Gone
a Crown Of Sonnets (complete)27 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Dawn;
-a very sad even though very true poetry written in a sonnet form are some of them were not iambic pentameter. The rhythm was written in pentameter indicated, timing and tempo while helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy. A good example of a non iambic-pentameter is the first line in your seventh poem: "She LOVED you AND that I must STAY aWAY. The emphasis on the and is wrong.
- the rhyming is done very well in each of your rhyming words were contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of each of your lines and while none of them were forced or labored they were helpful in making do rhythm flow smoothly.
- the imagery was definitively expressive and so vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout the writings.
- story is very blunt, distinct and clear and very provocative and to me was thought-provoking.
- thank you for sharing and posting and made a good Lord be with you always Dawn.
Alex
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
  |
Dawn;
-a very sad even though very true poetry written in a sonnet form are some of them were not iambic pentameter. The rhythm was written in pentameter indicated, timing and tempo while helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy. A good example of a non iambic-pentameter is the first line in your seventh poem: "She LOVED you AND that I must STAY aWAY. The emphasis on the and is wrong.
- the rhyming is done very well in each of your rhyming words were contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of each of your lines and while none of them were forced or labored they were helpful in making do rhythm flow smoothly.
- the imagery was definitively expressive and so vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout the writings.
- story is very blunt, distinct and clear and very provocative and to me was thought-provoking.
- thank you for sharing and posting and made a good Lord be with you always Dawn.
Alex
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
-
Alex - you misread. NOT "very true" - I plainly say in my notes that while it IS based on truth I have taken liberties. Anyway, thanks for reviewing.
-
Sorry about that Dawn, my mistake and you are so welcome.
Alex
-
:)) Thanks.
Comment from jane.fallon
This is brilliant.
There is one little point for possibly improving your magnificent piece, and that is, l have a problem with "accepting your neglect was no good way" . I realise that it continues, but for just one second it made me feel that something was wrong.
This is pretty much perfect. Well done and good luck.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
|
This is brilliant.
There is one little point for possibly improving your magnificent piece, and that is, l have a problem with "accepting your neglect was no good way" . I realise that it continues, but for just one second it made me feel that something was wrong.
This is pretty much perfect. Well done and good luck.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
-
Thank you so much for your marvelous review, and you're right - something WAS very wrong - she states that there had been no passion between them for a long time. "We lived without the passion for so long!" - third sonnet, second stanza explains it all - that's what is meant by accepting his neglect.
I'm truly thrilled with such wonderful comments, and I love that you questioned what was bothering you - that's the kind of feedback that shows an obviously thoughtful read - it's so helpful and encouraging!
-
Thank you. As you can see, sometimes it is just my confusion, but if I get confused then may be somebody else will. I'm very happy you didn't object to my comments. I only make such comments when I like the work being reviewed.
-
I saw no confusion at all - only a kind and helpful review!
Comment from michaelcahill
Way to go, Dawn! I thought sure I'd have a lot of suggestions and blah, blah, blah. I read this from the very first word to the end without a pause or break of any kind. The story unfolded clearly and I was never lost for even a second. All of the feelings and emotions came through with power and struck me. Dammit, this was just killer, girl. WOW! I can tell, you got on a roll with this, yes?
You should enter the crown of sonnets contest and kick our smug arrogant butts!! HAHAHAHA! Awesome work. mikey
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
 |
Way to go, Dawn! I thought sure I'd have a lot of suggestions and blah, blah, blah. I read this from the very first word to the end without a pause or break of any kind. The story unfolded clearly and I was never lost for even a second. All of the feelings and emotions came through with power and struck me. Dammit, this was just killer, girl. WOW! I can tell, you got on a roll with this, yes?
You should enter the crown of sonnets contest and kick our smug arrogant butts!! HAHAHAHA! Awesome work. mikey
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
-
Yes, Michael, that's exactly what happened. I wrote the first two sonnets and posted them (they are disabled now only because I want the reviews on the completed Crown of Sonnets - Aheeerrrmmm) but you are right - I couldn't stop. "Smug and arrogant butts" must apply to ME. 'cuz I fell in love with what I was writing - it's WHY I couldn't stop. Once I got over that initial fear (by writing the first sonnets) it just kept coming...What time is it? When last did I sleep? LOL. All joking aside, though, I got so wrapped up in it I actually forgot my BP pill yesterday - I take it at 1:30 p.m. and it was 7:00 p.m. before I realized I hadn't taken the darn thing!
You HAVE to know how incredibly thrilled I am that you liked it as much as you did. I have been hoping that in spite of not being able to promote it as much as I would like to that it would receive notice at least (and reviews) from ones whose work I so admire...thank you, Mikey!
Comment from William Ross
very nice job on this, not all lines are of the 10 syllable count but a great sonnet with a wonderful story. great job on this. have a wonderful day
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
|
very nice job on this, not all lines are of the 10 syllable count but a great sonnet with a wonderful story. great job on this. have a wonderful day
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
-
Actually, I'm not sure how you are pronouncing, but all lines are exactly 10 syllables - thank you though - I appreciate you stopping by.
-
That could be, sometimes seems to be a problem with the way it is with the English we speak, different accents, sonnets are hard enough to do alone.
-
True, and it's easy enough in such a large piece to miss a tiny word that throws off the syllable count in one's mind. (That's why I carefully recite aloud if I have any doubt - in this case, more than once, purely because I love it...LOL.) But believe me, there's a HUGE amount of work that went into this, and I am accustomed to writing sonnets - there's not really a lot of difference between a Crown of Sonnets and an English one, other than the repeating lines and the fact that it must be cohesive from sonnet to sonnet. In any event, thanks again.
-
That could be, sometimes seems to be a problem with the way it is with the English we speak, different accents, sonnets are hard enough to do alone.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very beautiful crown of sonnets. If a person set their mind on something anything is possible. It might seem like a big obstacle but you have done it perfectly.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
|
A very beautiful crown of sonnets. If a person set their mind on something anything is possible. It might seem like a big obstacle but you have done it perfectly.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
-
Thank you so much, Sandra.
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Dawn!
You did a tremendous amount of work on this Crown of Sonnets. Is it traditional for the first and last line to be the same in a Crown? I thought I'd read that somewhere, but I'm not sure. I can't imagine the time you must have spent on this project. Excellent work, you've put a lot of emotion on the line here. Thank you for sharing.
Kim
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
|
Hi Dawn!
You did a tremendous amount of work on this Crown of Sonnets. Is it traditional for the first and last line to be the same in a Crown? I thought I'd read that somewhere, but I'm not sure. I can't imagine the time you must have spent on this project. Excellent work, you've put a lot of emotion on the line here. Thank you for sharing.
Kim
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
-
OH! I gaped that completely! I will have to see what I can do now to repair it - thank you ever-so-much!!!
-
You are so welcome :) It really is an awesome accomplishment, Dawn!
-
Oh, bless your generous heart!
-
Thank you so much, Kim - it was a pretty easy fix (for a MAJOR mistake! I'm very grateful!)
Comment from Mary Wakeford
Oh my goodness, I am amazed at how some of the writers, such as yourself, can produce these long stanzas with rhyme and descriptive feelings so well. It truly astounds me, and you seem to knock several out daily. My mind would burst!
"I am not a poet and didn't know it" is about my speed. Excellent.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
|
Oh my goodness, I am amazed at how some of the writers, such as yourself, can produce these long stanzas with rhyme and descriptive feelings so well. It truly astounds me, and you seem to knock several out daily. My mind would burst!
"I am not a poet and didn't know it" is about my speed. Excellent.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
-
You are too kind! Thank you for such wonderful encouragement, my friend, and for your generous rating.